A
female
age
41-50,
*ld91681
writes:Hi, I am 26 years old and have been with my boyfirend for almost ten years we have two boys together. I have caught him in the past watching straight porn which is fine but this morning I caught him watching gay porn. What does this mean it upset me so much. I feel like maybe he likes that but when he saw me watching him, he just made up some stupid excuse like he didn't know what it was. Please help.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): You sound upset and maybe a little angry. You asked "What does this mean"?To be honest, there is only one way you're going to find out what this means in terms of his sexuality. Ask him. I get the impression you think he was just making excuses and not being open with you. But any answer from a total stranger on the Internet will just be guesswork. Only he can tell you the truth.What does this mean in terms of your relationship? Personally, I don't think that his watching gay porn is a big deal. But I'm not you. Your question raises all sorts of issues. You feel fine with him watching straight porn, but not gay porn. You don't trust his explanation, which you think was "stupid". I get the impression that his sexuality, his honesty, and your trust are the main issues for you right now. The only way you're going to deal with these issues is by talking them through with him. If you want him to be honest with you, you'll need to be honest with him. Tell him exactly how you feel.Good luck! :-)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2008): Please ignore the “OMG! Your boyfriend is the gay!” comments. This situation is tricky. Some straight guys, believe it or not, are into gay porn. (and/or “shemale porn” or porn involving “chicks with dicks”) Some straight guys even have fantasies involving penises or other men. Also, some straight guys are just turned on by sex and masturbation in general, whether the person or people are male or female. Now your husband could be gay, but at the same time, gay porn and gay dreams ARE fantasies.
He may fantasize about another guy (He may be curious), but not want to do anything sexual with that guy or have a relationship with that guy. You can talk to him about it when you both have free time an neither of you are stressed. Ask him to describe why he looks at the gay porn. There may be a reason like the one I described. If he says he's not gay, he may not actually be gay. However, if you still having doubts, both of you can get marriage counseling. Good luck.
Also, I don't want to bust Collaroy's bubble, but he is pretty ignorant when it comes to human sexuality. I'd be cautious with his advice.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2008): Ok, I hate to upset you but your bf is gay!!!!!!!!!!! There is no way that he doesnt find men attractive and sexually stimulating....He may also find women attractive, but you can watch straight porn and still get off if you are gay(there are still men having sex in it)...he may be bisexual, but there is no way he "didnt know what it was"
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A
female
reader, cld91681 +, writes (8 January 2008):
cld91681 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I don't know why I got mad because I do watch lesbian porn and it does turn me on but I could never see myself with a women. I guess the reason I am upset also is because his father is gay was with his mom to make people think he was straight until he got the strength to say "I am gay". I don't want that happening to me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): Don't worry, I am a straight person and I find SOME other men very good-looking! It is all to do with opinions, but don't worry, just because he looks at gay porn doesn't mean he's off to find a rent boy does it? Don't worry!
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A
male
reader, Angelicy +, writes (7 January 2008):
maybe he's just having a few problems right now..ask him. Be tenacious, and ask him what's the matter.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): It does seem as if he is exploring his sexuality, but odds are he at least has some bisexual tendencies.
Talk to him about it and find out why he wants to look at gay porn. It is technically possible for you to satisfy certain urges for him through the use of sex toys, and would definitely be a better choice than either letting this fester in your mind or him trying to find someone to help him with those urges.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 I hate to burst the bubble. But from a male's perspective I have never heard of any guy who looks at gay porn who isnt at least bisexual. Straight guy's simply do not look at gay porn. He may be bisexual though and is just exploring another side of his sexuality. It also doesnt mean he is going to be unfaithful to you or leave you does it? Looking at straight porn doesnt mean you are going to have an affair with another straight person does it?
But as for the gay thing, yep hate to say it but guys find the naked bodies of other men disgusting. My wife finds the female body a beautiful thing and will watch lesbian porn. I do believe it is different for men and women and I would bet my house that no other straight male will post here that they look at gay porn.
That's just a male's perspective if you want one.
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A
female
reader, brooke5426  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 it doesnt necessarily mean he's gay. i'd be lying if i said i never watched lesbian porn but i'm straight. i wouldnt worry about it at this stage, it could just be that he's curious about something that he knows he'll never experience so he's finding out about it by porn. if it happens a lot or if he's substituting straight porn for gay porn then i'd be concerned but it doesnt sound like a big deal at the moment, although i can see why it was a bit of a shock to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): Hi, your boyfriend was probably just intrigued, I wouldnt worry about it too much. However he was probably still very embarrassed when you caught him and that is why he made up an excuse. On the other hand he could be telling the truth, I know I've had horrible pop ups on my computer, and even accidentally watched things on the telly.
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): Well he made an excuse because he was simple embarassed. I have looked at lesbian porn and I find it stimulating but I am straight and would only have a relationship with a man. I think sometimes it is intrigue, exploring your own feelings - it doesn't make him gay.
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