A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. One of the problems I have with our relationship is that over the past couple of years he has turned into an epic slob. He doesn't just leave a disaster wherever he goes-- He does not brush his hair or his teeth on his own, and he often goes without bathing for days. He doesn't work or go to school at the moment (we are potentially moving to another city so didn't want to be tied down) so he has plenty of time... He just spends it all playing games, watching tv, etc.. He has also gained *a lot* of weight... I've tried to be really nice and use positive encouragement/reinforcement to get him to at least wash himself... but it still continues to be something that's "forgotten". I work out almost everyday, take really good care of myself, and struggle to keep our home clean.I make a living off of being pretty so this is really driving me nuts. I'm so grossed out by him now that I feel sick when I see him naked or when I'm too close to him (the smell is far from pleasant). It doesn't phase him at all though, because he watches porn and jerks off and it's a day for him.I've suggested he see a psychiatrist because depression is a likely cause for his laziness, but he refuses to go because he is paranoid people will find out about his problems... I'm really at a loss for what to do. I can't remember the last time I had sex and enjoyed it.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (7 February 2012):
 Sounds like depression, but things won't change if he won't go and see a doctor. You can't stay in such a situation. I think you need to explain that you think he is sick and he needs to get some help or you can't stay.
Depression is a terrible illness, but it's not fair to expect you to stay and live in it. I suggest you leave. Maybe if he starts to make the necessary improvements, you and him can start dating again or something.
Relationships are difficult with depression. In a certain way by trying to help, your enabling him to live this way and stopping him from getting treatment.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (7 February 2012):
 You are right OP, these could be signs of depression and he does need help. Either that or he's just a slob who couldn't be *bleep* bothered about anything!Its not fair to you to have to put up with all this. You're not his mom and its not your responsibility to nag him and ask him to brush his teeth and have a bath. You've tried, its not working, time to get stern now. Ask him to shape up or ship out. No middle path.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): My ex had some serious social awkwardness and OCD issues. He would brush his teeth with a very specific routine. He was very careful to not touch door handles and the like. He was exceedingly meticulous in how to fold laundry. However, his room (and eventually his house once his mother moved out) became a nightmare with food, dirty dishes, garbage, clothes, etc strewn all over the house. And for as much as he said he cared for animals, he wouldn't take care of the cat litter, so they began to do their thing all over the house. The smell permeated the house and his clothes and I tried to tell him gently that others could notice it. He was embarassed, but not enough to do anything about it. He also "let himself go" physically (put on at least 30 pounds), not bad enough to turn me off, but bad for his health given his family history of young-age heart attacks. Some people are just lazy, some are depressed, some legitimately don't know how to take care of themselves (I also suspected a little Asperger's syndrome being part of the problem). You've done what you could in asking him to get help. You might have to be drastic and let him go. That might be the wake-up call he needs to get himself together. And if it's not, then you know you could never fix him yourself. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. Good luck and keep us posted... :(
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): Hey, he doesn't want to help himself so there's nothing you can do! Make a decision to stay with him as he is or leave. The only person's actions you can control is your own so if you are unhappy with your situation, change it by moving out and moving on. People aren't projects and relationships aren't based on what could be or what will be if only this person will change.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 February 2012):
 Sorry I would not want to live nor be in a relationship with a total slob like this, I on't think he needs a psychiatrist, he needs a kick in the pants.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (6 February 2012):
 Youre absolutely going down a one way street here. Relationships are two ways. Your BF is taking both his mental and physical health for granted. Two things he should be thankful for make that three... his GF as well. His denial of wanting to talk to someone about his issues is common. I went thru til more life experiences came and one day woke up. Youre preventing that wake up call for him and he doesnt see it. Talk to him about how his laziness and bad habits are.becoming very unattractive personality n physical wise. The fact he may be depressed should not obligate you to continue to stay with him. Hes made his own bed in that regard and can seek support elsewhere. Youve done more than enough for him. A pleasant lass indeed you are.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): If he doesn't want to get better, you should get the heck out of there. Depression or not, he brought this up on himself. I struggle with bouts of depression, but at least I'm doing something to fight it.
It sounds like he just gave up, don't let him drag you down with him. Like the previous aunt said "Time to trade up". Hopefully the shock of you leaving will inspire him to clean up and do for himself again.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 February 2012):
 I can't imagine that you have any OTHER reasons to dump this guy - in addition to there great ones that you have enumerated herein.....
Soooo, why wait? Ask him to leave immediately....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 February 2012):
 Get a new boyfriend, one that washes himself. Time to trade up Deary.
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