A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has had quite a few financial troubles in his past, and has had a few court cases in which people owed him money and vice versa. He seems to be paranoid and wants his name off a lot of things. For instance, he has a mailbox in another state with his name on it, he suggested that we share that mailbox and have my name as the sole owner of it.We both have mail coming to that mailbox now, but with just my name as the primary name holder. That wasn't so much a big deal until he started mentioning how he wanted to put his car in my name. He said he basically just wanted to give it to me. He still makes payments on it and has never been late with those payments, sometimes making payments ahead in advance. Then he mentioned how he wanted to put my name on his house so his name would not show up at his current address. I told him I was not comfortable with that and has not mentioned it since. His most recent mention was that he would get a $40 discount from an internet/tv/cable bundle if it was transferred on to someone else's name. He looked at me with sad eyes as he asked for me to put it in my name but I said I’d rather not do that. I don't live with him right now; I use to but had to move to relocate jobs. Any suggestions on what I should do? Is this a red flag? Should I be so trusting? I feel like he is using me and if he is, then I know his love for me is totally fake and dishonest.
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2013): http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-feel-uncomfortable-still-living-at-home-at.html
This is me. I know my example is very extreme, but it does show you that you can be the one who gets stuck with someone else's debt if you are not careful. What if he stops paying one day? Or runs off? If its in your name you are liable and you will be the one who ends up in court. Please don't do it! Continue to support him yes, but don't turn his problems into yours.
A
female
reader, Kindpigeonette  +, writes (9 February 2013):
I really hope he isn't around your age and already been to court so many times (in general). My father used my mom for money when they started dating and when they divorced, all of HIS debt was legally HER debt because she had put her names on everything. Even though HE still had control over all of the possessions, SHE was the one responsible for paying for them. It sounds like your boyfriend may know how the law works (especially noting he has taken people to court multiple times), and sees you as a good target. It sounds to me like he is trying to pawn his debt on to you.My mom is a good looking woman and I wouldn't say I'm hideous either (average). I even had something similar happen to me for a short while, but I never gave in. He would complain about his finances and as we got closer, he began asking strange questions "I need some new clothing. Do you want to go with me?" I of course rejected (Why would I want to watch you try on clothing?). He seemed upset, and later told me (after shopping) how everything was so expensive. Although it wasn't as bad as your situation by a long run, we were never boyfriend and girlfriend either. When you go on dates, does he pay for you? Does he seem stingy? Yes, I think he is using you -- however, I'm only going off the information you told and my past knowledge of other more personal situations.
...............................
A
female
reader, jela001 +, writes (9 February 2013):
 Don't do it!!! if he is as irresponsible as he sounds he is going to ruin your credit rating.Tell him NO and run the other way and find someone more responsible.
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (9 February 2013):
 Depends what level of SAD you want to achieve.
SAD = SEXUALLY ACQUIRED DEBT.
This man cannot handle money and finance. At age 40 and 50 and 60 and beyond he will have NO money.
His life will never amount to anything because no matter how much money he earns it slip through his fingers. And he will always have more outstanding accounts that need paying and he will never have enough money to pay his acounts. His Credit rating is no doubt a disgrace.
IF you are gullible enough to believe him you will end up with a BAD CREDIT RATING like him.
This is what sexually acquired debt is all about.
Recognize that he has deep-seated issues about money and what money means to him.
Chi Girl who is a Very Experienced Aunt on this site has written a wonderful article on Financial Abuse in Relationships. So please read this Great Article and then zip up your money and never put your name on any of his debts. Please take care to protect your money and your reputation.
Below is the article by ChiGirl and my comment on this article:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-avoid-being-used-financially.html
Essential reading for all people who are likely to be put into a position of being financially abused.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2013): Good for you for being suspicious. Your bf either is trying to hide from his creditors, or he's trying to have them come after you instead of him.
Are you sure he's up to date on his car payments? Have you seen the canceled checks? Also, putting his house in your name isn't going to change his address in his credit report.
You're asking for trouble if you give in on this. BIG red flag, and I'd run from this guy before your credit rating is ruined.
...............................
A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (9 February 2013):
 Is he involved in any illegal activity that he is trying to hide from?
This is a major red flag, and it has bad idea written all over it. DO NOT under any circumstances allow your name to be attached to anything belonging to him - that would make you responsible for it. If his bills didn't get paid, the bill collectors would come after you, not him.
This whole thing sounds very shady, and you do not want to be caught up in it, or named as an accessory to whatever it might be.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (9 February 2013):
That's a great idea, and while your at it I have a gun that I want you to get your fingerprints all over and then give back to me so I can go rob a bank.
Listen, don't worry about him using you. He is, but his intentions aren't necessarily bad. The reality is that he's completely screwed himself and wants a fresh start in your name.
If you ever in your life do something like this you are asking for a lot of trouble. If he couldn't get it right the first time how's he going to the second time?
Don't let him try and make you feel guilty. He should feel guilty for asking you to do something so stupid.
...............................
|
