A
male
age
30-35,
*nonymous12345150
writes:hey all,I love my family but when we all join each other around the dinner table i literally feel as depressed and hateful as ever (i know this may sound stupid) but my grandad (who i have no real relationship with due to family circumstances and a language barrier) eats and makes a ton of noise,slurps chewing and wheezing sounds,and my family generally have small talk,it literally makes me sad.We are ok at other times though (sitting in the living room watching tv etc) Anyone experience this?Just so i know I'm not alone?
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male
reader, Silius Sodimus  +, writes (12 February 2013):
You don't like it? Don't deal with it. They may be "family" but in the end they are still human beings and you need to look at it that way, if these human beings are pissing you off and affecting your well being then don't hang around them, you owe them nothing.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 February 2013):
 I don't particularly see a problem with small talk at meals, what do you want to do, discuss about the destiny of humanity in front of your meatloaf ? it's only polite to choose conversation subjects which everybody can join in AND which are not too fraught emotionally or potentionally confrontational, so on one hand this restrict your choices and on the other makes for a stress free, tranquil meal.
as for your Grandad and his appalling eating style, eh dear, I feel your pain, it must not be a pretty sight. Then again, what can you do, beside use your compassion. The guy is old,or aging, he won't change, it's not even fair asking him to change Maybe in the place and age where he was born he did not get the benefits you are getting in terms of learning the right behaviour, what you take for granted may in fact be a new , difficult things for many people. Or, he got remiss with age and physical decline, cut him some slack, it's not easy to eat noiselessly if you lost some teeth or wear dentures, for instance. Just ..be patient, in life you'll have the chance to deal with plenty of people with questionable,irritating manners and attitudes... and they won't even have the plus that at least they care about you as your family does.
So is there a language barrier between you and granddad? Interesting- what a fantastic occasion for you, to learn another language free of charge, I would not miss it !
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (9 February 2013):
 Hi
Yes my dad liked a drink so meals were a bit tense or messy,they were hot on table manners too so it wasn't a relaxed thing.I just missed out some of the meals,went to friends or bought take-aways sometimes.
Once you leave home you can make excuses and be around after they have eaten instead,which is when your comfortable.
Old folk can be interesting you know, so maybe try to get to know your Grandad a bit better,it could help.
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A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (9 February 2013):
 oh my god, yessss!!! although it's not my grandfather, it's my friggin roommate! she slurps the crap out of her drink and smacks her food like she's got not damn teeth!!drives me INSANE! i literally feel like i'm going to rip my hair out, and it makes me lose my appetite in a big way!
i've made comments, trying to appear as though i'm joking, saying things about closing her mouth when she chews, etc. but it never works. she's just disgusting. i feel your pain, my friend. nothing you can really do about it but just learn to try to deal with it. i know it's impossible to ignore it, so i won't even suggest that. just know someone feels your pain!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2013): I've definitely had that feeling of alienation from my own family...it's part of the reason why I minimize doing holidays with them.
It does always seem to be their predictable quirks and unconscious ticks that drive you batshit crazy. A stranger might not even notice some of them, but at times it feels as if a particular habit was designed just to torture you. I've definitely feel hateful about some of my family's quirks...particularly at your age.
So, no you're not alone, but I can say it does get better as you get older, individuate, and hopefully set out on your own.
Now when I drive with my mother and she insists at going 20 miles per hour in a 40 mph lane, I no longer cringe or take it personally...I am no longer ashamed to be related to her.
I just acknowledge that my mother can't drive to save her life, accept the risk of getting into a car with her, and recount to my siblings about how several drivers gave her the finger and describe her ensuing confusion and distress at other people's "road rage". I will never understand it...but it doesn't drive me so crazy anymore.
No specific coping advice to give here, you just adjust.
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A
female
reader, jadedpearl +, writes (9 February 2013):
 Oh my goodness! Yes! You are NOT alone. I totally feel so hateful towards my family when we all get together. At Thanksgiving my brother was late and my mother who adores him made us all wait and our food got cold I was so annoyed. Whenever we get together with grandparents, it is just small talk. I feel like it's all fake because we only see each other ONCE a year, it is my step dad's side of the family. My mom's parents, however, her father (my grandfather) is so ill he will just fall asleep right then and there wherever he is at. Sometimes I just can't stand my family. Ugh. :(
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