A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my boyfriend for a year now. things are great between us but he found out 4 months ago that i used to have feelings for my best friend and my best friend has feelings for me this made him very upset and he forbidded me to speak to him. it has been 2 months now and i miss him like crazy. he sent me a message saying he missedme too and our conversations i told my boyfriend and he started getting angry. he still forbids me to talk to my best friend. lately i have been thinking about him and all the stuff we did. i think i may still have some feelings there. i dont know what to do. im scared that if i leave my boyfriend for him then he might hate me for not speaking to him. i also love my boyfriend as well and dont want to hut him. my boyfriend is a little older tjan me and also recently i found out he has children. my best friend is the same age however he moved away. :/ i dnt know what to do can anyone help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2012): thank you to all the people who helped.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 September 2012):
 your feelings for your "best friend" are not resolved and are not merely those of FRIENDS....
your current boyfriend while NOT RIGHT in his execution of his feelings (telling you what you can and cannot do and who you can and cannot see is wrong) is RIGHT in sensing that there is an issue with this "best friend" that needs to be resolved.
it will probably color every relationship you have forever till you resolve it.
SO I agree with Cerberus that you need to leave the boyfriend because of two things...
1. you need to resolve your issues with your best friend. I have male friends... but my BEST friends are always women... and to be honest, if a woman wants a man as her best friend it's because in my opinion she wants more than just friendship and is settling for what he will give her.
2. NO ONE has the right to tell me who I can and cannot be friends with. Now my fiance has the right to say that he does not want certain friends of mine in OUR home... and I have to respect that, but he cannot and will not tell me who I can and cannot TALK to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2012): You need to leave your boyfriend OP, he's not the guy for you. you wouldn't have these kind of feelings for anyone else if you loved him completely.
Don't let the fear of hurting your boyfriend stop you, this is already hurting him and he deserves better than a girlfriend that is still going behind his back talking to a guy who loves her and wants to be with her.
I would have quite simply dumped you rather than let you do that to me but he's young and probably thinks there's hope.
Best to set him free so he can find a girl who loves him and not just hangs around out of guilt or the worry that the guy she's been emotionally cheating with might not work out.
He deserves better than that OP.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 September 2012):
 I have to say, I don't blame your BF.
You have had feelings for the friend and the friend feelings for you.. that my dear is a powder-keg at a bonfire.
I am not sure you really want to be with your BF, looks to me like you are looking for excuses to end it.. So end it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2012): Its hardly a surprise that your boyfriend has reacted in the way he has. Its not an ideal situation is it.
Surely you can put yourself in your boyfriends shoes and imagine how you would feel if he and a female friend had feelings for each other yet he expected you to allow them to be friends?
You need to choose who you want to be with.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 September 2012):
 Your boyfriend does not want you to talk to your friend , because the friend is actually not a friend , but a love interest. He has feelings for you, and you have feelings for him, and your bf obviously feels like a fool and has no intentions to be just your safaty net.
Yu are emotionally keeping your foot in two shoes, and no bf would like that.
Pick one. Which one, you are best suited to decide than us, but do pick one and let the other go.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (19 September 2012):
 This is quite simple - your boyfriend is right for asking you to stop talking to your friend, because you have admitted in this post that you still have feelings for your friend. So your boyfriend is right to be worried and jealous, because his fears are true!
It is not fair to be in a relationship with someone, when you have feelings for someone else. You claim to love your boyfriend, but you obviously have not given him all of your heart because part of your heart still belongs to your friend, therefore you can never truly love your boyfriend until all of your feelings for your friends have gone.
Your boyfriend deserves someone that loves him 100%, not a girl who is thinking about her former crush behind his back. End the relationship with your boyfriend, it is not fair on him when you have feelings for someone else. Yes it is a risk when your friend might be upset with you for not talking to him, but he has already contacted you saying he misses you, so he cant be that upset otherwise he would be ignoring you.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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