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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi AllIt's Valentine's Day and I'm so broken-hearted.My long distance boyfriend....has finally broken up with me. Not because he doesn't love me, nor want to be with me........but he is too weak to go against his family wishes, and come back to be with me.I can't stop crying. It's so hard, as I loved him so much. And I know how much he loved me. We have been up and down like this for 15 months. I find it hard to accept, because we haven't split because the relationship has broken down. He just doesn't appear to be as mentally strong as I. Family pressures seem to have such a tight hold on people.It's just so hard to accept when something is truly over. He is not good at talking either - didn't let me tell him how I felt.Can anyone give me any tips on how to get over this?I feel so awful. Can't even go to visit my family, as i know I'll just start crying.Thanks everyone.And Happy Valentines' Day.
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female
reader, Carina  +, writes (14 February 2007):
 This is difficult to answer without knowing the reasons his family disapprove. Let's talk about you first: You must be feeling really bad, I know. Treat yourself as if this is a bereavement. There's nothing wrong with feeling very emotional when a relationship ends. The problem for you is that you believe he loves you and this makes the situation worse, but he's made this decision and there's nothing you can do about it. Also, the fact that you weren't able to talk through your feelings with him before he split with you makes it doubly hard. Everything keeps going through your mind all the time and it's so difficult to move on. It takes a while to get over a hurt like this. The best thing you can do is focus on all the positive things that came from this relationship. You are bound to have gained a lot from it, so write those things down and concentrate on that rather than all the bad things you're feeling. Start to look towards the future and try not to think about the past. Go out and do things and keep busy. Find a new project or start a new course where you'll meet new people. The more you move forward the easier it'll get....I promise. Now, you might not like to hear this, but perhaps he's using his family as an excuse to split up with you? Men can be such cowards about facing up to emotional situations and it would give him an 'easy' way out to blame his family. I also think you should bear in mind that someone who's that easily influenced by his family and unable to talk about his emotions wouldn't be a good person to be with longterm. It could lead to all sorts of problems. I'm positive you'll meet someone else much better suited to you and stronger.....so go out looking. Best of luck!
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