A
female
age
30-35,
*oldiefoxxx
writes:So ill be honest, its a bit messed up, My boyfriend has a friend hes entirely too close to, She calls and texts him constantly, he makes plans to go places we didnt intend on because she gave him the invite. At first she wasnt a problem, then the flirted started and the facebook statuses and twitter comments, her saying theres something about you, and leaving posts on his wall about how happy she is that theyre getting so close, she even told her ex that she wants a guy exactly like my boyfriend cause hes just soooo sweet. newsflash princess hes off limits. so i went to her exes house im good friends with him and the family, got a little too drunk and he told me that this girl does have quite the thing for him. on top of other stuff, so i got mad, shes always going to him about relationship advice, in my opinion shes playing the pity card for his adoration. anyway.. I had her ex basically text her telling her to back off and that im crazy and would fight her, i recently got into it with my man about it and we nearly broke up because he didnt want to lose his friends like his ex did. hes a good guy, wouldnt cheat, wouldnt lie and i know that, but it still doesnt change the fact shes overstepping her bounds... morning came an everything blew up, this girl starts bombing my phone saying i know it was you blah blah blah, i denied it ofcourse, i wasnt looking to cause another argument with my bf. anyway my bf is asking now. i lied to save my ass, cause this will be the end of us, but i got what i wanted shes leaving him alone, told me when he texts her asking why theyre not talking shell tell him ask your girl, personally i really dont care i won. but im not sure if i should feel good or bad about this.
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broke up, drunk, facebook, flirt, her ex, his ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (15 January 2013):
 Goldiefoxxx, sorry you're having such a hard time. I responded to your new post. I wish you well x
A
female
reader, Goldiefoxxx +, writes (15 January 2013):
Goldiefoxxx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDaisy Thank you, its tough i just posted again something going on, Hes currently sleeping with someone, after he had given me hope, now even as lightly as im taking his wrongdoings, he still will not speak to me, ive been such a wreck i even ran to my ex, who really isnt any good for me, and honestly me doing that isnt much better than what the most recent ex did, this solitude is depressing his presence in my life lightend my inner being, im very depressed.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (11 January 2013):
Goldiefoxxx, I don't think you've done the wrong thing in breaking up with him. You two weren't compatible. There were two separate women you were uncomfortable about, and you were uncomfortable about the way he was behaving around them. You trusted your gut instinct and dumped him. Now you're trying go back against your gut instinct rather than trust it.
It's normal to feel like crap when a relationship ends, even if it was ultimately a bad relationship. Sometimes it takes a while before we can look back and realise just how bad it was.
Once the dust settles, I think you'll realise that you are much better off with this guy out of your life. Find someone who you are truly comfortable with, who you can trust and who doesn't draw out your insecurities.
Don't give yourself a hard time. And don't contact him again, it'll just make things worse.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (11 January 2013):
 Maybe it is for the best and you need to be with someone who can make you feel secure.
Look after yourself, give yourself time to cry and get back out there :)
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A
female
reader, Goldiefoxxx +, writes (11 January 2013):
Goldiefoxxx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell we broke up and to those of you who were kind THANK YOU, This girl was actually someone different than the last one. and he even admitted to me he was interested in her, i lost my temper, gave him his things and told him i dont even know why i bothered, he said later that when i said that it really killed everything, because he was just going to cool down for a few days. its done now, ive been a disaster, didnt get any sleep, ive been so emotional ive made myself sick, i love this guy, and i told him so. i dont know what to do, my insecurities got the best of me, and because i was pushing so hard, it pushed him even more to her. im lost and heartbroken. never have i ever felt so helpless and useless.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 January 2013):
 Amen to every word SVC typed - read them and then read them again.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (10 January 2013):
Goldiefoxxx, I understood from your other post update that you were going to take a big step away from this boyfriend. What happened?
You didn't handle this at all well. I know you're upset and angry, but aren't you above all this drama? (answer = yes you are).
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A
female
reader, straight to the truth +, writes (10 January 2013):
Wow, I have to admit you have certainly shown your age in this. So what if he has a friend who is a girl. If she is a bit flirty then talk to your boyfriend about it in an adult manor and explain that your not comfortable and there needs to be some boundries, if he respects your feelings then he will talk to her about it. You then started to play silly little text games, to be honest it wouldn't suprise me if he decided to break up with you over this because you have simply shown that actually although you are the one who is showing no trust in him it is actually him that can not trust you. You don't mention how long you have been together however I am assuming from this kind of behaviour its probably not very long. You also seem to have missed the fact that yes although she might be his friend but what was stopping from you becoming her friend too?Basically he isn't trying to hide their friendship or be sneeky in anyway so you should have been decent enough to have an adult conversation about it and shown him a little bit of respect over the matter.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 January 2013):
 such childish games--
he said
she said
"newsflash princess he's off limits"
umm no... he's not unless HE wants to be. YOU talking to her is so parental.
you went to her ex and had him text her (which to be honest is NONE OF HIS BUSINESS) because your boy friend DOES NOT WANT TO TELL HER TO BACK OFF. HE LIKES her attention.
YOU had her EX tell her you are crazy and would fight her? that's so very mature too. you sound like a bunch of 13 year olds playing grown up...
You got into a fight with your (soon to be ex) because he does not want to give her up. He's made his choice... her attentions over your needs.... he may back down if you leave but is that really the way to have a relationship?
IF he was ready to settle down with one woman he would. and he would not be flirting and behaving this way with someone if it bothers you IF HE CARED ABOUT YOU ENOUGH.
She's not overstepping her bounds... HE is allowing her to do exactly what he wants.
BTW when you denied your culpability in the texting by her ex you LIED. It does not matter WHO you lied to or why you lied. YOU LIED.
She's not leaving him alone, you just don't know any more what is going on... now they will sneak around behind your back. Will you trust him?
then you say ' personally i really dont care i won."
you win games. you don't win life. YOU did NOT WIN.
what you did was childish and immature.
You lost big time because
a. you won't trust him
b. they will be friends again once he wears her down and she thinks he's annoyed enough with you to end it
c. he's going to end it because you over stepped your bounds,
you went to a man you CARE about and said PICK
and he did.
you just don't like the answer.
let me tell you a story about being asked to pick (just to show you that folks will do what they want no matter what you think)
I was happily married (at least I thought I was)
we were in an open marriage but he was ok with it as long as i didn't have a guy on the side... for the first 6 years of the marriage I did not. then I met someone... and the now ex could not cope. EVERY time he said "I can't cope." I would say "fine I'll give up the boy toy and you can give up your lady friends" he'd say "ok" and 20 minutes to an hour later he would come to me and say "I can't do this to you" and I would say "Ok" this went on for months... I was more than happy to PICK. and the last night we were together I was on the phone with the 'boy toy' and hubby and i were talking and he was screaming at me
"YOU NEED TO PICK ME OR HIM"
"ok I PICK YOU, you are my husband" yes I was sad and I did not want to lose the boy toy as a friend but marriage above fun and games even in the swing world...
guess what... that was NOT the answer the hubby wanted. HE was NOT happy until I picked the boy toy. So I did.
hubby left very amicably. we are still friendly when we run into each other... and I ended up marrying the boy toy...
BUT I had to pick. I just didn't know the answer he wanted me to pick. HE did.
your guy knows what he wants.... he wants HER but he's not ready to say this.
you need to prepare for the end.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 January 2013):
 Your boyfriend is a weenie who likes the attention she gave him. It's a *huge" shot to the ego to have two women fight over him. The truth is, if he knew that she had this thing for him, he should have backed away from her. ANY TIME feelings get mixed up in a platonic friendship when you're with someone else, the friendship must end.
This doesn't fall under the "I can have female friends" thing, and you're not controlling to demand that he tell her to back off. She is trying to steal him from you, and he isn't stopping it. Your way was unorthodox and I'd never suggest it, but your boyfriend needs to understand that for him to bask in her affection, send flirty texts and FB messages is a serious disrespect to your relationship.
You need to come clean with your boyfriend and tell him the truth and tell him that you are no longer going to do his job for him. If it's the end of you, then the relationship wasn't real to begin with. Don't lie. Tell him that she either gets deleted from his Facebook and stops texting period, or you're through. Emotional affairs are not allowed, and your boyfriend is responsible for his part in it. It's disloyal.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2013): She is completely wrong to be coming after your guy. But what you did seems childish to the extreme. You are using manipulations to get what you want. Which is not a good thing. Sociopaths are very manipulative. Its your boyfriend who should be taking the call based on your feelings. You cannot drive away every girl who gets attracted to your guy. He should be doing it himself. He should draw the line. He isn't. Frankly if I were your boyfriend, I would be very scared if I got to know what you had done. You cannot tie someone with force to be with you. Love and freedom is the biggest chain of all.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (10 January 2013):
Don't make it a problem or it will become one. If you try and push two people apart they tend to get closer, he may have never thought of her in a romantic way, don't put the idea in his head or he will think about it!
He sounds like a good guy, feel privileged that he chose you.
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