A
female
age
30-35,
*boggs15
writes:okay so i've been dating this guy now for almost two years. I thought he was perfect in almost every way. We're nearly the same person, which may be the reason for some of our heated arguments, but besides those few fights I thought we had a great relationship. anyways-- the other day i woke up to get ready for work, i wake up before he does to straighten my hair. We only have one phone charger so i let mine charge while we sleep and i plug his in every morning. yesterday morning i get up to do just that, i plug his phone in and it lights up showing me he has numerous new emails. i let him go through my phone all the time because i have mostly guy friends and i want him to have a piece of mind. anyways i open the emails and its him responding to all these girls from craigslist.com going on and on about how georgous they are and how his breath was taken away.. later in the day when i was able to get to a computer i looked at all of them. there are threads with about ten different girls from our area talking about how hell send pics if they do.. which they did.. not all naked but in some way the un-naked pics hurt me more.. basically these emails go back and forth just talking about how sexy they are and how he'd love to meet up and in exact words "lick your p***y".. he even sent some when we were together from his phone. BUT! to make things so horrendously worse, i confront him- at seven in the morning- his answer "i was bored.. they're just machines" i dont buy that.. they are full conversations. and when i tell him i want a better reasoning he gets all angry and ACCUSES ME OF CHEATING. i don't know what to do.. we have sex tons but maybe its just not "wild" enough.. i don't know.. should I leave him?? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2015): oMG same exact situation, found a ton off messages thru craigslist wantinf to meet up but i am pretty 99%sure never,did some were when he was away but there were a lot with,me bwing right next to him. He was saying stuff,he doesnt say to me. I'm an attractive girl i can say that with,confidence and get a lot of male attention but doesnt mean i dont want my man to tell me im pretty. Ive been keeping track and he tells me even just a, you look nice bbabe, comment about once a year and he has a hot ex baby mama who tries to get his attention constantly and he knows ive been self conscious since dating him becuz of her (she also claims hes still in love with her and he hates her but almost,in a weird way where it seems like hes jealous of her bf) but i give him plenty of complimentd all the time and he wa telling these ugly sluts they looked hot and made his cock hard and how he wants to taste them. There were a ton of them and,we have been,dating 4 yrs and this is the first and i mean this honestly the 1st time i went thru his,phone cuz i trusted him completely and i fpumd messages dating back 2 yrs,and even,that when we first dated,i was overlapped eith a girl who was there for him at his bday party that we met at and was love at first sight,for him as he claims and he cont to talk to her for a few weeks which hurt,like hell cuz he sold me on this fairytale. But anyway saw he reached,out to this girl 2 yrs later when we started,having,problems and wanted to meet. He said she was just a fuck buddy which he didnt realize he dug his grave cuz why would you want to meet up with a fuck buddy ...you werent friends just fucked. God im so mad and he has the balls to get mad at me and he even said im done talking about this and we are never,gonna,talk about it again after he anwsered 1 question out of a million i had. Now everytime i start crying out of the blue which,is every cpl hrs and its been,3 weeks since i found out, but he gets mad at me for crying. And he says stuff like you either are gonna stay or leave just let me know so i can get my stuff if you decide to leave. And can u believe im still with him. I hate myself but im in between jobs and d ont have,any means of my own since spent my savings for him and hos custody battle for his kids. I can move home but if i did that means id have to tell my family and then its really over. We are or were engaged i gave the ring back and he gave it back to me when we were having a,good laugh so it was hard to snap into bitch mode. But yes same thing im heartbroken and dont want to look thru his phone but everytime he gets up to the bathrppm im reaching for it and so he put passeords on everything and,gets mad at me. The kicker is that when going thru his phone saw that he had a list of all my passwords and was monitoring since the beginning all my accts and has accused,me falsly of cheating several times. ttimthey dont respect us and what im doing u should NOT DO cuz im prob even more a mess aboit how little respect i have for myself and he had gotten bad calling me stupid and to shut up when i object to an,order. do not let him treat u that way stand your ground i wish i did cuz i dont think there is an t gping back for me and im just planning on leaving him but its hard when everything is shared...like loan pymts in my name or furniture in his i name got rid of my bed and the kids...my step kids and his family who calls me sis and daughter its devastating. And i feel gross like im ugly and fat and i know im not but its seriously what i see when i look at my reflection. Oddly enough my first bf and friend of 15yrs is the one helping me thru this but he is in love with me and i am scared im using him for an ego boost. I used to be a really realy chill chick who hangs out with the boys and is preferred by some of his friends and brother,but now im becoming that stereotypical crazy gf wverytine hes on his phone..who u talking to...whatcha doin...and when he leaves to go to the store i panic and i was just pacing ..yes pacing by the door. I hate him for what hes done to me and feel pathetic. We had sex cpl times and i was servicing him the whole time. This f**ks with your self esteem your judgement makes u feel pathetic and yes i know i have crossed into being,pathetic but im a crazy person i dont sleep cuz im waiting for him to fall asleep so i can look at his phone. Really who would want someone like me. Leave h i m leave him leave himNOW NOW YESTERDAY seriously he doesnt respect you and is not worth your time you deserve more everyone deserves,love and they deserve someone that will do the same to them. I tried on CL after finding out and i still felt bad its not who i am plus so gross guys sending you pics of their gross dicks and you know they are losers. My ex cheated on,his beautiful gf and with an ugly chick like my bf and these CL girls and i asked him why and he said he honestky doesnt know but its like he want we d something nasty and raw and kinky and u can do whatever with an ugly chick. God i sound horrible but whatever at least youll never know who i am. But my advice and tgis is coming from my sane side leave leave leave anf ask questions after your out of the house. Dont try and fix things still living there let him know u mean business and show him whay his world is like with o ut u
A
female
reader, hiximxnicolexx +, writes (7 October 2012):
He's cheating. Its obvious. Just dump him. I know its easier said than done but he sounds like a loser, you will be much better off without him. Yes, it sucks being alone, but when you finally find a GOOD guy that is worth your time, you will thank God you lost that waste of life.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (6 October 2012):
Oh man, this is a classic case of redirection. Of course he's guilty. He basically confirmed as much by accusing you of cheating when you confronted him about what he was doing. By turning it all around and getting angry at you, he's hoping to draw the attention away from him. Dump this loser. He's cheating on you and he's not even man enough to admit it.
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A
female
reader, cocochanel27 +, writes (6 October 2012):
My personal opinion is, I think you should reconsider your relationship with this guy because, if he can do that, what else can he do? If he really loved and cared about you, he would not be sending those kinds of messages to other girls. "I was bored" is no excuse. And for him to accuse you of cheating is just his way to cover up his dirt. There are other men out there who can respect you better than this. You shouldn't stay in a relationship with someone who does these types of things and has no logical explaination as to why.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2012): Your man is a classic sample of a player. Obviously, its up to you whether you like to continue a relationship with him or end it. A guy like that will never change unless they have gotten aids virus or something that will make them stop womanizing.
I can actually relate with you,I know i'm dating an asshole but i just cant seem to give him up but i know i have to. So what i did is that i distance myself with him. I ask myself like will i let things continue or should i be smart and end this stupid relationship?
What i did? I didn't say anything to him, but i made him feel everyday that i'm no longer the fool so in love with him. I used to say i love him, i stop saying it. The distance between us seems to grow everyday. You have to do that in order for you to learn how to give him up, in a graceful manner. You don't need to argue with him, or make him your enemy. Because if you end the relationship right away there would be drama and you will feel, like, your the bad one 'coz he will keep on denying things.
he will tell you he never meet up with this women anyway, its you whom he see everyday. But the fact remains that his not contented with you 'coz his till looking for someone. Try to read my article about how to tell if my bf really loves me.
Remember, you don't need to scream at him or anything. Master the art of leaving him gracefully. If you cant coz your so in love, you need to Pray hard to God. Honestly, Only him can make wonders for him...Once a jerk will always be a jerk.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 October 2012):
 ***he can't be that stupid.***
No, but he obviously think YOU are... A spam bot will not reply with anything useful nor with crotch-shots or the likes..
He is lying and patronizing.
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A
female
reader, dboggs15 +, writes (1 October 2012):
dboggs15 is verified as being by the original poster of the question... he continues to claim that he didn't believe any of them to be real people..? what the hell? is that even possible.. i mean i know there are spambots or what ever out there because i get some of those emails too. but these were craiglist ads and full conversations between him and these girls. he can't be that stupid.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 October 2012):
Of course he threw the YOU ARE CHEATING in your face, he had no other viable excuse to do what he did.
And for him to call those "needy & desperate" girls he contact for "machines" is just downright chauvinistic.
And if you need the definition:
***** a man with a chauvinistic belief in the inferiority of women.****
So what does that make you?
Sorry, it would be over for me. Not only would it be impossible to trust this guy, but I would lose all respect for him as well. (and myself for being with such an asshat)
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 September 2012):
 I'd end it.
1. you will never trust him again
2. he accused you of cheating that's usually the mark of POT.KETTLE.BLACK. in other words, he's cheating....
3. the fact that he views PEOPLE that he's USING as machines is bothersome on many levels.... does that make YOU a machine?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 September 2012):
Okay, look, if you don't dump this guy, then you'd be mad. Just ditch this man. He's a little boy caught up in a big man's world and he hasn't a clue what he's doing. What an idiot.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2012): Yes. Leave him. He is talking with LOCAL women for a reason. He is clearly hoping for something to happen. Regardless of how great your relationship seems, you have a problem. Also, consider that if your relationship is so great, and he's "bored" enough to search for local women...what will he do when things aren't great?On the flip side, you mentioned having lots of male friends. It's good that you're transparent about your friendships, but ask yourself if you've truly been as faithful as you think. His behavior may be in response to feeling like you take the liberty of a lot of male attention/friendships (not that his behavior is justified). Do any of your male friends have more than platonic feelings or behavior toward you? If you, you are disrespecting your bf by maintaining that friendship. IF this is the case, and IF the relationship is truly worth salvaging, sounds like you both may need to clean house. Remove all the ancillary people, and focus on one another and try to rebuild the trust.All that said, his first response was "I was bored". This is a classic lame excuse for behavior that, unfortunately, is not foreign to a cheater. You probably just need to move on.
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