A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:After telling my boyfriend about my lack of selfesteem things haven't been the same... he's not affectionate when he texts me or talks 2 me on the phone...Things dnt seem the same and I miss us and my heart is beakin apart...I love him so much and he knows dat and he knows how much Im in love wit him and wanna talk to him constantly...I miss the sweet loving him...Do u know wat might be going on?Wat should I do?Please help me bcuz I want the real him back...
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female
reader, abbeymom  +, writes (29 August 2008):
 I agree with cookie. You need to simple speak it straight. "I feel like every since I told you about my insecurities you've sort of held yourself back from me. I hope you don't think it's you. I love you. I just felt I needed to share my feelings. I'm not asking you to fix me. I just want you to listen."Sometimes guys get scared because as the other posters posted they aren't quite sure what to do. Heck even my husband is like that and we have been married five years.I will tell himself and he will grow quiet, not say much and sort of vanish. I get upset, feel unloved and so forth. These are what the great relationship guru's call "misunderstanding..."To fix it I will say exactly what is on my mind without worrying about him. I will say I miss you. I don't like when you don't say anything after I'm upset. He says: I don't like you getting upset and feel there is nothing I can do to fix it and that bugs me.Hey that's great. Now we know how each of us feels.Keep being honest. You had great courage expressing your feelings. If continue being so afraid of losing him you clam up now... you might regret it.~ Abbeymom
A
female
reader, PsyCookie  +, writes (29 August 2008):
 My guess is that he really doesn't know how to approach this problem, and is doing the exact opposite thing of how he was without realizing it. He probably feels guilty for not caring for you enough, and must think that all his efforts are unnecesary and so he has stopped. Or he might feel that you might be a tad ungrateful, because after showing all his love to you, you still don't think he does.
Now, all of this is just an assumption, so don't take anything here as truth.
But I can sense your distress a lot. The only way that you may be able to resolve this is by talking to your boyfriend about his behavior. Commnication is key in relationship, and the reason why there are so many missunderstandings is because of lack of it. You got the courage to talk to him about your insecurities, and that, may I dare to say, took a lot of balls. So why not keep the trend? This is distressing you a lot, and he has to know!
So next time you are able to talk to your boyfriend, tell him what you just told us here.
I wish you good luck, and I hope he listens well.
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