A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:You know when you really love someone, and you think your boyfriend's freat, but he just has that one glitch that when it pops up, it really makes you wonder if he's going to be the one for you?I have been with my boyfriend 10 months. 99% of the time he is great, he treats me very well.But that 1% of the time, his anger problem ruins things. This appears to be something he has inherited from his Mum (his Dad died when he was very young, so he was raised solely by his Mum). She has a terrible temper which has seen her in prison a couple of times (yet like my boyfriend, most of the time she is sweet as pie). It's almost like Jeckyl and Hyde. One minute he's smiling, the next a little thing can trigger him and he's in a rage. This happens mostly when he's drunk, but it happened last week when he was sober, first thing in the morning. We ended up having a stupid arguement over where his hair products were and he became really nasty and as I was leaving his house to go to work he told me it was over. Of course he text me within ten minutes to say how sorry he was and he didn't mean it...But I'm fed up of him losing his temper. What do I do? I know he needs help but I don't have a clue about this kind of thing...
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe best thing to do with a guy who has anger problems?
WALK AWAY.
He's not going to change.
I cut all contact and I couldn't be happier. I can't believe how this pathetic excuse of a man used to control me, all because I was so scared of his Jekyl and Hyde personality, so scared all the time I would say the wrong thing, bring out the angry side.
I was permanently on edge.
And he's, funnily enough, now going to prison for 3 months because of his anger issue and nearly beating some poor random person to a pulp for absolutely no reason other than he was in a bad mood.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2008): Wow I am going through the exact same thing with my boyfriend of 10 months. We live together so I get the brunt of all his rage. It's hard dealing wiht it sometimes and when he gets in those moods its hard but you need to just not take anything he says personal. He is not him when he acts this way I do not think he realizes or even remember most of what he says or does. All you can really do is just be there for him, just try comforting and giving him his space and make sure he knows you love him then after his break out try talking to him about it and explain to him what he did and what he said. he will most likely feel horrible but then you guys can talk about how to fix it in a calmly manner
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2008): My advice to u is to really evaluate your relationship.is he really worth all that stress.what does your family think of him.if its rare try and work it out, if it becomes often then lose him.(im with a hothead myself but i thinks its kind os sexy)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): hey i am going through the same thing with my boyfriend. just be there for him unless it becomes dangerous or too overwelming. ive been with my boyfriend for 8 months. its really hard at times but if u truly love him you stay with him. tell him that u love him and if he has a rage just back off and whatever he says ignore it he will probably apoligize later. finally he figured out he needed help and he is gettin help and it makes that difference and will bring out the sweet side of him permanatly but it does take time. hope i helped
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female
reader, shiraz +, writes (12 October 2008):
hiyahh, youve done so wel for so long and you should be proud hs been lucky to have someone show him real genuine love through and through. youve stood the test of time but eventually it will progress into something more and you need to cut that before it happens. it will start to change you as a person emotinally and physically and you don deserve that so see it sooner rather than later. he may not see it wel at all but you might be doing him a favour when you loose something good you only realise whan its to late, he will learn for the future and maybe start his relationships better too. enoughs enough and you shouldnt have to take it any more, its not your job your your own person and its time for you to see it and live it.
His past will have a lot to do with the person he is but you cannot change that for him, you can try all you can give and still he will remain the same person unless something inside of him asks him to finally stop. he needs to change himself and maybe your showing him this by doing this. i wish you all the best for the future you seem genuine and have delt with a lot so well done you will find someone who respects and epriciates you for you.
good luck x :)
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female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (12 October 2008):
 Unresolved anger issues only get worse the longer and more comfortable one is in a relationship. I've also found that the anger tends to be pointed a the one person they truly care about.
Yes he does need help and yes he will be angry if you suggest it but if he doesn't get help, it'll only continue and most likely it'll get worse, not better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMaybe he just has too much baggage...It's all really getting me down :(
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male
reader, Crafter  +, writes (12 October 2008):
 Bad...
I don't really think you can do anything to help him. Just about the only thing that you CAN do is ask him nicely to start visiting anger management groups.
Maybe if you could explain to him how you feel about this and how much you care for him, he will reason and try to better himself for your sake.
Tell him that you're scared and that you can't keep living in constant fear of the next anger break out. He'll probably be mad at first, but in the end I believe you'll find a solution together.
Best of luck
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