A
female
age
41-50,
*vbentley
writes:Hi,My boyfriend and I are both 25. We have been dating for 4 months but he has an addiction to amatuer porn. On top of this I found he had a profile on a dating website which is just for sex. He says he only uses it to see amatuer porn and he deleted his profile a few hours before I found it.I'm not sure if this is true he said I could check but I didn't even want to. I know porn is normal but he looks at it all the time. He says he is serious and even talks about getting married. When we first met he was really into sex but the last month we have both been working 14 hr days and he's too tired to have sex, Is this normal or am I an idiot for staying with him?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): Yes this man is stuck in adolesence. Masterbating to porn is usually carried out by men of around 15 to 17 years of age. You need to move him forward a bit.
Drop a few jokes into the conversation with friends about how he was busy materbating to porn. There's a good chance the other men may just join in the joke if they are also at the same stage of their development (birds of a feather flok together). If this happens drop it into a conversation when more mature men are present.
He will some come to his senses and realise he is acting like a teenager and develop into a man.
God Bless +
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2008): lvbentley, there are many people on this site who are anti-porn and will tell you that pornography is bad and is a threat to your relationship. They will suggest that you leave your partner because they hate porn so much. However I am pro-porn, from my experience looking at pornography is something that most (not all) but most men do. As long as it doesn't interfere with your relationship, he doesn't spend all his time and money on it, then I really don't see the harm. It's a form of stress relief, a perfectly legal form of entertainment. If it is as bad as the anti-porn people say, how come it is legal in a lot of countries, including yours. You say that your sex life has deteriorated, but this seems to be to do with work and has nothing to do with porn at all. Pornography doesn't mean a guy doesn't love you, it doesn't mean he doesn't feel your attractive, and it doesn't mean he will cheat on you. Sometimes feel like having quick sex, and pornography provides that. Maybe if you offered to masturbate him quickly or gave him oral sex, with no thoughts to your feelings or pleasing you, it might provide an alternative to pornography. Most (not all) but most men like pornography, and they will lie about it to please a woman who finds it disgusting. I suggest ladies learn to compromise. If he is to give up pornography, what will you give up to please him. Relationships are about compromise, they should not be about giving up things that we enjoy. If you don't like porn then ask him to look at it when your not at home, and keep you from seeing it. But it's not fair to dictate peoples hobbies and interests, how would you feel if he asked you to stop watching movies, TV or looking at magazines. Talk to him and try to find a compromise that will work for you both. The sex issue will sort itself as soon as you two stop working so hard. If you love him and he loves you, is pornography enough to split you two up.
We have many, many ladies in the same situation as you. I suggest you look under pornography as look at what people say about the issue. Especially look at what men say, and take on board what it means to them and why they enjoy it. But if you really can't stand it, I suggest you finish this relationship and try to find a man who hates pornography, but be aware that he might be lying and you might find yourself in the same situation again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): I am currently dealing with this same problem! I don't know what to either... I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now and I have wondered what he has been doing on the computer when I'm not around. I have walked in on him doing things on the computer and he tried to hide it. I started looking at his history lately and have found nothing but porn sites one after another and he has even started his own porn site that he as a URL for I can't seem to figure out his password. I'm afraid he is doing more then just looking at pictures! I think he is using webcam and probably even meeting up with girls...
I wish the best for you... it is a very hard decision to make. When you love someone and they want to marry you and have a future... How can you except something that well always make you wonder???
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): i was recently in a similair situation where i kept finding pictures of other women on my b/f fone and pc. He kept getting msn pop ups on his pc and then denyied knowing who they were. My intuition told me something wasnt quite right and then I kept catching him out lying. I then googled his nickname and found him on numerous dating sites and sex finding sites, some of which he had actually set up whilst living with me. I confronted him and said it was all about the porn and had never met any of them. I find this very hard to believe as many of his 'friends' were local. He too talked constantly of how serious he was with me and how he wanted to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me. We only saw each other for 10 months-during which our sex life deteriorated and to boot he always had problems with erections. I have since found him on nearly every sex site. We no longer speak and the whole experience has left me with low self esteeme, depressed, reduced confience and confusion. He always acted such a prude and I was very tactile with him as I did not want his erection problem to be made worst by me. I feel humiliated that any one could do this to me, but on the other hand I feel so relieved that I found this out now rather than make a comittment to him in marriage or children. I dont believe now that his problem was with me as some of his profiles go back over six years and i do feel this is an ongoing addiction of some description-the only person that can help him is himself. I would seriously investigate this further and after 4 months should the sex really be reduced-afterall should you still not be in your honeymoon period?
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A
female
reader, SnowyWater  +, writes (23 May 2008):
EllsworthT :
I think it is a mistake to equate porn with "images of naked women", this is erotic photography.
the problem with porn is they way it represents women and sex. you might not see it but for a woman to see herself or another womans most intimate moments distributed amongst men, is hurtful. if you are not gay then seeing men insert objects into their rectums will be painful to you as a man. it is the same for women. to know that my bf gets of on something that I find disgusting is hurtful.
NO man is getting sex from me any more because you just don't deserve it.
If more women read and educate themselves soon less and less women will want to put up with your male crap.
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A
male
reader, EllsworthT  +, writes (19 May 2008):
All guys love porn. A naked woman is the closest to God we will ever be. There is absolutely nothing else that excites, pleases, or motivates us the same way. You may disparage our primitive lust, but keep in mind, those preceding evolutionary primates who felt differently about women are all dead now with no offspring. Intellectually, it can be embarrassing for us, but it is as natural as eating, breathing, and masturbating, which we do more than you care to know. So lay off, get with the program, and quit obsessing about your boyfriend's porn stash because it has nothing to do with you.
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A
female
reader, SnowyWater +, writes (11 May 2008):
Depends what you understand under "normal". It might be not o.k. with many girls, but it seem that this is very common amongst guys. I don't think there are any guide lines to follow when dealing with this issue. You have to make up your mind on your own, if you are willing to tolerate this. To be honest I have my doubts about men in general when it comes to such issues, it seems that although it sounds sad, there aren't many guys who aren't into porn one way or another. In a way it sounds like he got a bit lazy and dropped the "try to appear perfect" thing. But if you start getting worried about not having sex for 14 days, then he might experience it as a pressure on him and further disappear into his porn world. My advice is take it easy, don't pressurize him and find things that are important to you outside of the relationship. He will probably start to miss you after a while and will want to have you to himself again. Also you have to make up your own mind how big of an issue the porn thing is to you personally, if you are not doing something against yourself. My sad experience shows that unhealthy relationships to porn are rather the norm then the exception in guys. But this is how things are: gender differences...no matter how hard you try he will still be a guy and you woman, and both of you will probably never be able to experience life from the same perspective.
All the best :)
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