A
female
age
41-50,
*oolishme2
writes:So, things are bad and I find myself wishing I hadn't started this mess.I am crazy in love. I have been with this man for 9 months now and I spend almost everyday with him. Needless to say, I'm attached. He is also in love with me. Problem is mistakes have been made and because of these mistakes, he has a 19 year old pregnant girl on his hands. He made this mistake.Now the dilemma: She lives 1 hour and a half away. If he stays here to be with me, he will never see his child. If he leaves to be near his baby, we lose each other.I can't ask him to stay because a baby is involved. But he is torn. He wants to find another way to have both.I don't want to lose him but I feel like we have no choice but to let go. Help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, foolishme2 +, writes (3 August 2011):
foolishme2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI should have elaborated. No he didn't cheat. I walked away from him 4 months ago because I was scared. We were apart for 2 weeks. In those 2 weeks, he met this girl and had a fling. I also had a fling to try to move past him. We realized our mistakes and decided to do it right this time.We found out a month ago about her being pregnant. He feels like he has to got marry her or something because he "ruined her young life". He is 20 yrs her senior.
A
female
reader, hannah76  +, writes (3 August 2011):
 He obviously cheated on you. Some people like to dress it up as a mistake but really he cheated on you and had unprotected sex.
Also, you now have the baby that will always always be a constant reminder that he cheated and made this girl pregnant. Not for me I'm afraid. I would cut my losses and leave.
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A
female
reader, Ropa  +, writes (3 August 2011):
 Did the girl get pregnet whilst you were togather? if yes, he is not worth it let him go.if she was already pregnet your relationship might be strained with the responsibility of the new baby and the mum if he is serious with you he will give you his undivied attention.if he doesnt let him go.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): WOW!!! Let him go! You have your whole life to live and all that relationship will do is slow down and stall your life. Walk away from him. Forget the emotions. He has a huge responsibility to his child and to the baby's mother now too.
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A
female
reader, virgin18 +, writes (3 August 2011):
 I completely agree with angelDlite on this one. I would also like to know more about the circumstances on how he got that girl pregnant. You said you guys have been together for 9 months, which leads me to think he got her pregnant while being with you... And I'm sorry but that right there is not such a small mistake. If he cheated on you, it means he was not so thoughtful of you.... even if he was drunk or whatever (assuming this was what happened). I would just end the relationship and let him deal with his problems by himself. Sure this will hurt you as well but you'll get over it and find someone without such big responsibilities. Not that i think every relationship in which one or both partners have children from a previous relationship is doomed to fail, completely the opposite, but it seems to me he conceived this child (which has no fault whatsoever) while he was with you, and if that's the case he's not worth it.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (2 August 2011):
 Why not all move in together? Sounds like you've pretty much accepted the fact that you're a shared love. Just a thought...I'd start a new life over if I were in a similar fix but to each his/her own.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (2 August 2011):
 what were the circumstances for him getting her pregnant (apart from the obvious!) did he cheat on you or were you on some kind of break?
normally if a man has a pregnant ex or fling, whatever i would say if he wants to be near the child and you want to be near him, can't you move home? live together maybe, BUT if he has cheated, then i am afraid that this its probably not a good idea to uproot your life too much for the sake of this man, sorry.
would it be viable for him to move to a halfway point between the child and yourself? (so he lives 45mins away from the baby and 45 mins from you) (or would this cause housing and transport probs?) if you are so crazy about each other and you have forgiven his mistake, it would be a shame to break up when this situation can be worked around. maybe one day in the future if things work out between you you may go and live with him
x
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 August 2011):
How long is he keeping that secret or is the girl keeping that secret?
It looks like an overlapping relationship here, if he had not been cheating.
I don't care if it was a stupid drunken mistake, he should try to have a relationship with her unless she is abusive, mentally ill, a drug addict, or refuses to get a job or go to school in the future. He can only come back to you after he exhausted all venues and concluded that a romantic relationship with her is impossible. Then you can decide if you want a boyfriend who has to dutifully travel back and forth.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (2 August 2011):
 The best thing for him to do for you and the unborn child is to leave. He didn't have enough respect for you to not cheat. So don't desire to be with someone like that. He needs to get himself straightened out and ready for the unborn child. So it's best that you two let go. Let him mature himself so he can do his best in raising the baby. And you should move on and find someone who loves you enough to not cheat on you.
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