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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My sex drive seems out of control. My husband doesn't really like to have sex with me as much as I think I need. Not only that, but when I do have sex with him, I feel disappointed. He has never been able to make me orgasm. He is the only person I have ever slept with, and I don't think things are how they are suppose to be. I was married a year and a half before I started buying sex toys. I masturbate all the time now it seems. I was up to two times a day for the longest time. My husband will only sleep with me about once every two weeks. Its driving me crazy. Also I always have to initiate sex. I hate feeling like I have to beg for sex. I would love to feel like he wanted me. I try to dress really cute when we go to bed, or I'm just naked in the room, and he blows it off. What is going on? I don't know what more I can do. I ask him what is going on, and he just says he is stressed, and that it affects his sex drive. I think he does it because it makes him feel like he can control me
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orgasm, sex drive, sex toy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2011): I agree with the first post. That's almost every mans problem! I'm glad at least one woman out there feels what it's like. Your husband must have something going on in his head.
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat  +, writes (3 August 2011):
 Since men do not have female genitals, they do not understand the importance of the clitoris to female pleasure. Most women cannot orgasm through penis-in-vagina intercourse because the clitoris is external rather than internal. That means it's extremely common for women to stimulate their own clitoris with their own hand or a vibrator during intercourse in order to reach orgasm.
You have to take responsibility for your own orgasm rather than just expecting your husband to "make you orgasm" himself. If you two have never communicated about what YOU like during sex and what makes YOU orgasm, he will not know. He cannot read your mind, no matter how much he loves you, he is human and it's impossible for you to expect him to "make" you orgasm if you've never taught him.
From now on, YOU take the responsibility of your orgasm on your own shoulders and ASK him to do the things that YOU like during foreplay and sex. Make sure that you masturbate while having intercourse so that YOU can feel satisfied. TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND...again, he cannot read your mind and you have to tell him what you want.
That goes for all things in the relationship, including frequency of sex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): I'm also in this situation and wish I could help you. I've tried toys, sexy outfits, etc. He barely touches me. He gives the same excuses "I'm tired," "My back hurts," and "I'm too stressed." I try giving him back massages that lead into full body and he just wants his back rubbed. I do that and he just falls asleep. I know for sure my guy is not cheating on me. He's still 100% there for me emotionally, just not physically. Has he pulled away in any other way? Are they any signs that he may be cheating? I hate to ask but that's usually the first reason.Perhaps he is just way too tired and overworked. I tried just not having sex with my man for over a month. It worked to a degree. I was hornier and hornier so saying no to him was harder... but he kept trying and trying. Perhaps he wants you to play hard to get? (Who knows with men!)My other suggestion is try to just talk about sex. Ask him if he has any fantasies or things he wants to try. Try to be open and experiment. Maybe get a wig and a nurse outfit. There's so much you can do so don't give up, trust me, I know it's frustrating. Definitely keep trying to talk to him about it because women have needs too! :)
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A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (3 August 2011):
 now you know what most men feel like. sorry i had to say that. but seriously you have to talk to him about it. he may as you say be using it to manipulate you but he should look after your needs, talking is the only thing that will fix it. he may be having medical problems or orientation problems. talk talk talk.
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