A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am really confused. I am constantly feeling turned on to the idea of watching my long term partner with another female. To be blunt I want him to tell me how good it feels as its happening. It would have to be someone he will never see again,and a stranger, and only ever happen with each woman once. He does not believe me,also he thinks i am testing out his loyalty to me. I have even fantasised about him with two. This has been going on at least three years and now I want it to go ahead. I know this is normaly a man thing,but I cannot let it go. I would be hurt if he did it without my presence. How should I go around making it real? What do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2011): Iam the original poster. I at last it happened on 20-8-2011. I am not bi or ever will be. I watched a friend visiting from abroad give him oral. He is willing to do it again. I found it a turn on and still do. I was nervous but wow,i am jumping on him this saturday when she comes to do it before leaving.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): Thepolarbear has probably given you the best answer here. It's a common fantasy and can be a great experience. You just need to use common sense how you go about it and make sure it is about just the two of you; the third person is just a sex toy. My husband and I have done this many times and it is extremely erotic and rewarding. But, it's not for everyone and you certainly can't force or push your partner into something like this. They key to it working is that it is always about the two of you. If you're not equally into it before the fact, then things may go awry after the fact. So, keep talking to him about it. Introduce it into your sex as fantasy talk, do what you can to convince him you are serious and that it is not a test. Then see how it goes. Don't rush. It may take time for him to get there. But if he can't, well then he can't and you'll just have to accept that.
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A
male
reader, Aminu  +, writes (3 August 2011):
 go ahead, follow your mind but be careful because u may lose your boyfriend in the process. good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): Hello. I'm not comfortable with trying to suggest ways you can persuade a loyal partner to act out a fantasy that will break the bonds of fidelity. Those bonds are precious and at the core of any good relationship and once broken all hell can break loose.
I think your confusion stems from the fact that you might be bi sexual. Using your partner by proxy to make love to a woman means you get to hear what it is like without having to participate yourself. Using someone like that, doesn't seem right to me.
Sometimes people with a fantasy coerce a loyal partner into doing things they aren't comfortable with just to keep the partner with the fantasy happy. But things like that rarely work out well.
Beyond mentioning you would be hurt if he slept with someone behind your back, you havent really mentions any concerns for your partner or how this will impact on him and your relationship.
Trying to encourage him to do things under your control for your sexual gratification will only work as long as he wished to follow YOUR dictates and indulge YOUR fantasy. But he is not a sex puppet. He is a free man with feelings and desires of his own. He chooses to be loyal to you but that can change in a heart beat the moment he decides he doesn't need your permission to have sex with the others anymore. So when he gets fed up with your conditions on HIS new sex life, he is free to do as he pleases. He might want to see a woman more than once and without you being present and watching them. That is his right. If he decided he likes a woman he knows and wants to sleep with her, he doesn't need your permission or to have you around watching them when it happens.
He could well feel that somehow he isn't 'enough' for you. He could be very concerned that you are attracted to the idea of sex with women. He could feel very uncomfortable with you watching him perform and describing it. He might feel it is perverted and be left with a feeling of disgust afterwards. It will irrevocably change the dynamics of your relationship with him. So be prepared for any or all of those eventualities once you start this ball rolling!
But i really think before you go ahead with this activity, you should first explore the very real possibility of bi sexuality because i think that is at the root of your confusion.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): You really have to dicuss this with your partner..let him know your serious and ask him if he is ok with. Just consider before you talk to him about it that this might look like you are telling him that its ok to cheat.I guess you just need to get the desire out of ur system.
and you might also want to seek some "professional" advise before it turns out to a psych issue.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): You should realize you're giving him the heads on to cheat on you! I can't believe people anymore and the next thing you'll be writing on Cupid is I think my partner is having an affair!! Get a life
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A
female
reader, Thepolarbear +, writes (3 August 2011):
This could open up a massive can of worms
This could pretty much end up in him cheating on you behind your back as youve said it's ok to sleep with another woman.
You might find you hate watching him with another woman and could open up doors of insecurity leading to many arguements and accusations.
Some fantasies are better off left that way, it adds more excitement to your sexlife.
It could end up in heartbreak and the breakdown of your relationship.
BUT
it could also be very good for your relationship.
People have done things like this and found it has brought them closer, spiced things up...whatever.
Just make sure you explain to your partner exactly what you want and make sure you lay down the law. This is a ONE OFF and it does not give him permission to go and have sex with another woman without you being present.
Also I'd maybe use a professional escort. I know it sounds seedy but you can find there are alot of highclass companies who do things like this. Definately better than a friend or someone off of a street corner.
Maybe go to a nightclub but that can be risky as you don't know if they are clean from STIs and if they are comfortable with the idea.
No personal experiance in this but I thought I'd just explain what I'd do.
Hope I've helped a bit :)
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A
male
reader, tonik  +, writes (3 August 2011):
 I think by doing that, you'll be kissing your relationship good-bye because if it happens that woman is better than you in bed, your boyfriend will be hooked on her. True sex was mean't for two people who love one another.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): Be careful! If you give your partner the green light to engage in voyeur sex or 3-some you could open up Pandora's box; he might like it and start having sex with other women behind your back. Just a heads up ;)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): Are you a lesbian (closeted)?
Do you want an excuse to break up with your partner and begin a new relationship with a woman?
First off, sex with strangers is not "safe".
Secondly, you cannot be assured that he will not see her again, or that it will only happen once and with you watching.
Finally, it is a great way to ruin relationships, and you are going to end up hurt even if you are present, but it won't come out the way you think...it will manifest itself in other ways, and then the relationship will break down.
You should get yourself some counseling, you have a guy who doesn't want to cheat, even if it is sanctioned, and you want him to do it. Fantasy is not reality, and most fantasy should stay right where it is, in fantasy-land.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 August 2011):
 Talk to him about it and have a serious conversation about it. Don't causally mention it, tell him you want to talk and have a real proper sit down, discuss it. You must however respect it if he does not want the same. If he wants to see only you, and not include another woman, you must judge how important this fantasy is to you, if it matters more to you than your relationship with him.
But first off, make sure he gets that you are serious, and discuss it with him to hear what he thinks around it and feels around it, and how you imagine things would happen if you want to go through with it.
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