A
female
age
22-25,
*rvn
writes:I don’t know how to talk to my boyfriend about this without him saying i dont like out s*x life or making him feel bad. I love what wr have but he tends to finish too quickly, 2 days ago it was probably 30 seconds, and it has happened before but it never upset me how it did that night. I dont know how to talk to him about it without him feeling insecure, and everytime it happens he apologizes. My other problem he barely wants to go down on me or finger me but if I bring up how i suck him off even when im on my period etc then he says I only do it because i want him to do it which its not the case. He would also always ask me to spit instead of making me more wet. Idon’t know who to talk to about this since all my friends know him and I don’t wanna embarrass him or me. I am also his first and that kinda made me understand him more since he probably knows stuff from porn
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (22 May 2019):
 I can't decide whether your boyfriend is just ignorant of women's sexual needs or a selfish lazy lover, or a bit of both. Whichever, he needs to realize you are NOT happy and, with time, you will go off sex and will realize you can do better.
As he sounds quite "precious" when you try to discuss this, have you tried "positive reinforcement" (like trainers use with animals)? Whenever he DOES give you what you want/like/need, give him lots of feedback on how nice it feels. Next time tell him how much you enjoyed when he did X, Y or Z, and ask him to do it again. That way you are not knocking his fragile confidence by suggesting he is failing in some way (even though his skills sound to be VERY lacking) but, rather, are building up his confidence by telling him what he is doing well and asking for more.
If he only lasts 30 seconds the FIRST time, have you tried resting for an hour or so and trying again? If he can get an erection again, he should last a lot longer the second time. Also, if he learned a few skills about satisfying women, he could satisfy you without having to get another erection.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (21 May 2019):
 If you’re ready to have sex, you need to be ready to discuss it. If you can’t, you shouldn’t be having sex.
He is selfish. You need to tell him straight up that you will no longer accept him not trying to pleasure you too. You will not spit so he doesn’t have to put more effort in. You will not have sex with him any more if he won’t get you off too.
Tell him bluntly or he will not get it. If he still refuses, you leave. There’s no point being with someone selfish. Many guys, even ones with no prior experience, will happily try to get you satisfied too.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (21 May 2019):
 Hi op,
First off...If your boyfriend has not grasp the difference between fantasy (porn), and reality (You), then maybe he is not ready for a girlfriend, until he learns the difference.
No where is it written that you must suffer unhappiness in order to keep a man. If you are WILLING to give him pleasure, then he should be just as willing to return it.
It does not matter if you are his first or his twenty first, your body is a gift, and he should appreciated that you even took the time to offer him such a gift.
Boyfriends and girlfriends are there for us to learn what we want in life. To help us choose the kind of person we want to marry. If this is what is being offered to you now, do you thing it is wise to hold on to for years to come??
You tell what he needs to hear. This is your life you are sharing with someone, and he needs to take it seriously, or you find someone else who will.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (21 May 2019):
 I meant to type "30 seconds"
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (21 May 2019):
You really need to talk about this because:
His technique stinks.
You resent him.
He needs to get educated.
You don't want to talk to him because:
He might get embarrassed.
He might be insecure.
I see that there are some things that you just don't see eye to eye on. You like oral (giving and receiving), he hates it. But in general he has some messed up ideas about sex that are going to keep him from having a successful relationship with anyone. Spit is not a lubricant, it lasts like 2 seconds. #0 seconds with no foreplay doesn't get anyone off but him. Foreplay is more important than sex, and he doesn't even try. It's not a contest to see who can get the most, it's a cooperation to get as much together as you can possibly enjoy.
I think you better just get over the embarrassment and insecurity and get this talked about. he can hear it from you or he can hear it from his next.
FA
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2019): Your guy sound like a real rookie. I was the same way at 18. I wish I could hookup with that first girlfriend to show her what a learned. There are some real nice porn tutorials every young couple should watch.
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A
female
reader, ConfusedCarrie84 +, writes (21 May 2019):
He sounds like a selfish lover or he may just be inexperienced. Part of a good sex life is communincation, getting to understad what eachother likes. If he isn't interested in hearing what you like or wanting you to get to know what he likes more then I'm afraid there is nothing ore you can do.
It may even lead to the end of the relationship because you feel unsatisfied.
Sex is painful for a woman when there hasn't been much foreplay. Ask him does he enjoy hurting you just so he gets what he needs? I'm sure this would make him reconsider, if he loves you.
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