A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello I really appreciate this site. Thank you for making it. I’d find it very helpful. This time I have a family related question and I’d appreciate an suggestions/recommendations you can give me thank you. What’s happened is that I have a son that is very abusive at times (24 yrs old). One time he started arguing with me almost to the point I felt like he would hit me so I called the local police and they took him and got him into a mental hospital for a few days. Then he was free I saw him and he apologized but I was not able to let him live with me again. He moved to another state to go live with my older son who lives by himself. It’s been about 2 years he’s been over there and he was fine until today when my older son contacted me to let me know he started arguing and got physically abusive with him and gave him a black eye. I feel so sad for this I don’t know what to do. I’ll appreciate any suggestions anyone might have. Than you so much Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2019): I can understand why she does not call the police.With media nowadays and cameras present the things I have seen about the mentally ill and the police are not nice.She does not want her son dead.The police in these situations are not your friends at all.How many mentally ill are shot of killed by the police just because they do not have the right training?Never trust the police.What you have to do is call your hospitals pysc ward.Ask if they have a crisis team or rapid response team.These are the people you get to pick up your son if you are afraid...They are trained in this it is their job.It is also alright for you to move and not tell your son where.You do what you must to protect yourself.But never ever call the police for a mentally ill person chances are they will end up dead.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2019): He had to be hospitalized because he obviously has a mental-health issue. He has anger and aggression issues; and if he hurts people, he has to be seriously evaluated before he does worse than what he did to his brother.
Do not offer him a place to live. If he needs one, let him find his own place; and insist that he not come around until he has sought professional-counseling for his aggression.
People with aggressive-temperaments aren't always grappling with mental-illness. Some are just mean and violent; and use their fists or intimidation to get their way. If people don't agree with them; they go into a rage and hurt people. He's going to end-up in prison I am afraid; unless he seeks help. Otherwise, you can't be alone with him. It's not your fault, and you have no personal responsibility to help him.
There is nothing you can personally do for him. Even suggesting that he needs help could set him off. You're better-off to keep your distance.
Perhaps you can seek prayer and counseling through your ministry or faith-leadership; if you are a person of faith and worship. He is dealing with his own personal demons; and perhaps your prayers will reach the ears of God; who will help him. You'll otherwise have to depend on science and earthly knowledge to help him; which may never get to the source of his issues for many years.
He has to be willing to surrender to therapy or anger-management counseling; and commit to it. He may also have an underlying drug or alcohol problem; which is also inhibiting his ability to control his angry impulses, triggering violence and rage.
Stay away from him. You should suggest the same to his brother. If your family has dysfunction and always end-up in arguments; perhaps keeping distance between you is a reasonable remedy. Calling the police was absolutely correct and necessary.
If he won't seek help; then let law enforcement deal with him. I don't mean to upset you; but he is an adult, and sometimes people are beyond your reach. They may have to seek the help they need when they're ready to. It helps tremendously, when they realize no one wants to deal with them anymore.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (21 May 2019):
 You look out for your other children and let consequences catch up with the 24 year old. Advise him to get anger management, but also advise your other children not to be alone with him because he is unpredictable.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (21 May 2019):
 Hi Op,
Unfortunately your son has made his own path, and there is nothing for you to do now.
The fact that he apologized shows he knows he was wrong. But he still chooses to continue with his foolishness.
We all have our own road in life to follow. The best someone can do is, point you in the right direction. However, it is up to us to follow that right direction, or ignore it.
There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who accept correction as soon as the are corrected. Those who correct themselves after seeing others make a mistake. Then there are those who have to hit the side of a mountain face first before they learn. For these last kind of people, only a painful experience will make them learn. Your son is such a person.
The only thing you can do is pray that he learns before it is too late.
His behaviour has nothing to do with you, or how he was raised. Some people just choose to be foolish, until life gets a hold of them, and set them straight.
You have done your job as a mother. Now, sit back and let life do the rest.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2019): It is very hard to give you any advice, because we do not anything about your sons, your family and your overall situation. It sounds as if he had all of a sudden become abusive and this conclusion is probably wrong. The fact that he was taken to a mental hospital speaks something about the state he was in.
He should seek professional help. Ideally, he should do it of his own free will. Having him committed again (if it is possible at all) is only a band aid.
Do you or your husband have a history of mental problems in you families?
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A
female
reader, ConfusedCarrie84 +, writes (21 May 2019):
You did the right thing and removed him from your home. He is an adult and must be reprimanded for his actions. Your other son needs to do the same. He needs to call the police, remove him from his home for the sake of his safety.
Has your son been diagnosed with a mental disorder that you don't know about? Does he do drugs? These may be the thing you may need to find out so he can get proper treatment. In the meantime, you and your other son need to protect yourself.
Tell him to kick him out. He is old enough to look after himself.
Good luck.
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