A
female
age
41-50,
*aroline1955
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years. I love him to bits and I know he loves me too. he has been divorced for about 9 years and he has a son aged 10. His ex wife and son live abroad. he works month ON / Month off, when he is off, he comes to see me for few days and then he heads to his son and ex , and he stays with them ( at the same house ) for weeks. When I tell him that I hate it when he goes and stays with her in the same house, he gets very angry and says that it's about his son and not about her, and hotels are very expensive where she lives , he'd rather spend the money on his son! He tells me that there is nothing going on and it's about giving his son some balance. Although , I perfectly understand that his son needs him and I always tell him he should spend time with him, I can't get over the fact that his ex keeps calling him and they keep chatting and laughing on the phone ! I know she wants him back. She didn't see anybody since the divorce and she keeps sending him emails telling him to come and spend time with them, she also travelled with her son to see spend time with him where he works ( England) . he is 49 and I am 28, and he keeps telling me that he is too old for me and that he feels guilty because I'm trapped in this relationship. Even , when he spends few days with me, all he does is work on his pc and make phone calls! I 'm so confused and hurt and I don't know what to do. I love him, should I walk out ? I tried before, and he goes mad when I tell him it's over and he starts making some effort all of a sudden!!Please give me some advice and help me out ! I'm losing track of everything..I can't even work properly or sleep..
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divorce, ex-wife, his ex, money, trapped Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (10 March 2011):
 Its time to break this cycle...don't waste your young years when there are plenty of men who will have no doubts/questions/excuses about marrying you. You'll look back at these days and shake your head for staying that long. BELIEVE ME, I stayed 8 years with a guy that I most definitely should NOT have!! One week single and I met my now fiance (engaged 2.5 years later). He's the best guy ever - dotes on me and treats me like a princess. I wasted 8 years of my life struggling with a man I should have left and not looked back. There are just way to many great guys out there. Surround yourself with family and friends, MOVE out, do school/focus on your work and leave this behind you. At the very least make a plan - move out and surround yourself with friends while you try to break up with him. Eventually it will become easier and easier (especially when you don't live with him). You deserve happiness, not this!
A
female
reader, caroline1955 +, writes (9 March 2011):
caroline1955 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the answers! We didn't get married because he thinks I'm too young and he thinks it's unfair on me to become a carer in 10 or 20 years. I keep telling him, that I don't look at it that way. I love this man , and I know what I'm doing. I am happy to be there and spend my young years by his side. Unfortunately, things are getting worse now. He is now with them, and he's been there for a week. He didn't even text me or emailed me to ask if I was doing ok. When I told him how I felt about him being so distant, he said that I make a big out of things and that he 's got his own problems and he starts telling me how doesn't have a life anymore etc...
I'm really lost. I will try so hard to move on and put everything behind, but the problem, the minute he feels I'm getting over him , he starts being nice again and telling how much he loves me and can never let go of me ! this happened many many times before.
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (9 March 2011):
Bigger question here than the ex wife...8 years and still no marriage. Why?Don't waste your young years!
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A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (9 March 2011):
 sorry sweetie but this is a no brainer, it's hard to get out but you must do so. it's clear that he's still attached to his ex. does she know about you? what a waste of a wonderful woman on someone who doesn't care.
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