A
female
age
36-40,
*ettyBoup
writes:I am feeling sad because my boyfriend has just gone out to the pub and told me he isn't getting drunk, but he will be getting drunk tomorrow night. We've been together for 2 years.I am sad because this is becoming a pattern. He gets to the weekend and just wants to go to the pub. I occasionally go out, but not both weekend evening's because I'm in my 30s, so is he, and I don't like wasting all of my weekend in a drunk or hungover haze.I feel sad because I was looking forward to a quiet, cosy, potentially intimate night in. But he was just keen to go out drinking. Our sex life has slowed right down to once a fortnight or longer.I don't have a problem with him going out and seeing friends. I just feel like we don't have the romantic relationship that we used to or that I desire. On the weeknights he complains of being so tired, so no time to be intimate, emotionally or physically. Then when we get to the weekend he immediately plans to go out drinking. I don't enjoy him company when he's drunk because his personality changes and he has been unpleasant towards me in the past. So I guess I just feel distant from my boyfriend, and rejected, like he is not showing much keeness to be close to me.I don't know what to do about this. I know from experience that complaining will push him away, not bring us closer. But I am just not happy in this relationship the way it is right now. I'm more often unhappy than happy with our relationship. I am tired of worrying and crying about us.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (19 May 2019):
 Sweetheart, what are you actually getting out of this relationship? You say it makes you feed sad, tired and rejected (all your words). You don't say one GOOD or POSITIVE thing about it.
Reading between the lines, you are simply a housekeeper for your boyfriend, with a bit of sex thrown in occasionally when he has no better offers elsewhere. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
I don't know what your living arrangements are (does he live in YOUR place, or do you live in HIS, or have you got somewhere together?) but, firstly, you need to sort out where you will live. If he is in your place, then ask him to leave. If it's his place, find somewhere else to live. If you have it together, you may need to pay to the end of the lease unless you find someone to replace you (with your landlord's agreement). Once you have this sorted, tell him you are not happy. Don't argue because you already know this does no good. Simply say "I am no longer happy in this relationship and we need to go our separate ways", then do it. Trust me, you will feel much less lonely when you are on your own than when you are with someone who wants to live a bachelor lifestyle while having the home comforts of a relationship.
Best wishes. Hugs.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2019): It sounds like you should break up. People typically don't change, if you don't like how it is now you'll be even more miserable years from now. Tell him you feel feel like you guys are to different because he likes to go out to much and should see other people. Or try giving a talk one more chance. Tell him if things don't change you don't think the relationship will last.
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