A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:My best friend has recently been dumped by his girlfriend of three years, this is the first time he’s been single his entire since he was 16 and was naturally cut up about it. However after about a week he’s told me that he doesn’t care any more because he’s in love with me. Obviously I’m sceptical, I’ve had similar thoughts about my feelings however I’ve realised although I love him it’s in a brother/friend way. I think he’s just missing being with someone and he’s trying to replace her with the closest person in his life (me). If this is all this is I can deal with that because he’ll eventually realise what he’s doing and get over her but if he really is in love with me I obviously need to give him space because I definitely don’t recipricate his feelings. The problem is I don’t know which it is and I don’t want to through away a good friendship when he’s most vulnerable because he’s confused about his feelings, so I was wondering if anyone can give me any insight how to work out whether or not he’s just confused and what the best course of action would be. Thanks.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 May 2019):
 I do think you are right that these are rebound feelings and wanting to not be alone.
I would simply BE honest with him that YOU don't feel the same way and if that means giving him space then do so.
Even if it's NOT "rebound feelings" I STILL think you should tell him that you don't feel the same way, because YOU don't. Doesn't matter if he THINKS he is in love with you now or not. YOU DO NOT RECIPROCATE those feelings.
You aren't throwing away anything. HE is the one crossing boundaries of friendship here. And if you need to back off and let him work through the break up and his feelings, then so be it. MAYBE you can be friends again down the line but right now? Not really.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2019): This friendship can only be repaired if he takes you at your word and never mentions it again. He can't be jealous of your boyfriends or keep dropping feelings bombs on you. If he can't not do these things then the friendship is over. Sad but irrefutable. If you haven't said in no uncertain terms that you aren't interested then tell him now. Don't sugar coat it- don't say things like 'you aren't in the right place' or 'now is not the time' say 'I don't care for you in that way.' you could say the like a brother thing too but it'll sting more.
If he respects your decision he's a good man and a good friend. You both still might have to take a break from each other for a few weeks. If he can't do this and it's extremely hard then it's over, at least in the medium term until he grows up a bit. You aren't responsible for his feelings, he is. But if he doesn't listen to you then he isn't that good a friend. Good luck
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