A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone,I know I would be judged for this and be called superficial but I really need some input/advise on my situation..I am seeing this guy for a little over 3 months, he is head over heels in love with me,compliments me a lot, he is very attracted to me!I like this guy too, get butterflies when he holds my hand or kisses me! but I don't think he is that great looking and I don't like when he wears shorts, I think for me that's a turn off! I love when he's in formals and I'v told him how great he looks! I know I'm being really superficial, how do I get all these baseless things out of my head and focus on more important things instead? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, DV1  +, writes (11 July 2013):
 You're not in love with him. You're not even attracted to him. You're attracted to the idea of being in a relationship with someone. Let him go be happy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2013): It seems like you're more flattered than you are in love. They're not the same thing. There's a disparity between how strongly he feels and how strongly you feel, and it is fundamentally unfair to him. By trying to dress this guy up like a Ken doll, you're saying that you can cover up what's there -- who he IS -- and maybe like him a little better. Too many women try to do this, and I recommend that you let it be and let him wear what he wants, and if you don't like the way he looks then, you don't like the way he looks period, and you should leave the relationship. You need to have raw, physical, animalistic chemistry with the guy you end up with. Of course, you also need a lot more than that, but I've learned that it won't last if that attraction isn't there. That attraction goes way deeper than what he wears. My man dresses like a lumberjack when I was taught by my superficial mother that a man needs to be all GQ to be attractive...and I have learned to LOVE it because I LOVE him. I love his worn plaid and his big, rough hands. I love the depth of his soul and the fact that he doesn't care about clothes because he's too busy thinking about the meaning of life. I downright LOVE it when he comes home and is unacceptably smelly because he has been working incredibly hard and has made a beautiful work of art. ...I'm looking out the window right now, and there he is, dripping sweat in two-sizes-too-big dusty cords, carving a door in rhythmic, focused strokes. He's gorgeous to me. If I changed him, I'd be both disappointed in myself and robbed of the experience of intimately knowing an organic human being, and loving him for who he is. My point in waxing rhapsodic is, if you can't do the same about your guy and share his experience without the right "wrapping paper," you don't like or love him enough. Let him go.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (11 July 2013):
Leave formals for special occasions and you can just tell him to wear is should the occasion arrive. Changing someone on how they look is rly silly to me and if he is already this amazing just wearing whatever he wants, then what is point in changing what he wears. He might not feel comfortable and begin to change. All you have to do is encourage to try different things and this goes both ways, in that you can also learn to wear more relaxed clothing as well.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (10 July 2013):
I think that if you already can't see what essentially 'matter's, such as the personality etc, then this is not the guy for you. In truth, you really do need to find him good looking, and you really do need to able to see past the clothing etc. After all, if this was the guy you were going to spend the rest of your life with, you'd need to be able to accept him as he is.
I suspect that at the moment, he's more of a novelty, rather than something long term. At the moment, you have the butterflies, but they will go away and you'll be left with you a guy you're not really attracted to, don't really have anything in common with, and who clearly adores you, but you don't adore him.
If I were you, I would be reconsidering whether you want to be with this guy, or whether you'd be best ending it now at 3 months, rather than leave it too late. He doesn't really seem like a long term bet.
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