A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Right guys I really need your help on this one, this boy is so confusing!It all started last year, I went with this guy and then he decided he needed to try again with his ex girlfriend because he still had feelings for her. It broke my heart but I just stepped back and left him to it. We didn't speak after that, he removed me off facebook and cut all contact. He was my first love.Anyway, at the beginning of this year I got an inbox on my facebook. It was from him requesting to be friends. I thought I may as well because after all the feelings never left and I still thought about him everyday. Anyway we ended up going to the cinema that night and also ended up kissing and he told me him and his ex had decided they weren't meant for eachother after all. He stuck around for about a month, because I told him he had to prove himself and that I was able to trust him again before he came back into my life. I turned round to him several times and told him I couldn't be with him because I couldn't trust him, but he didn't leave as he was prepared to prove I could.He sent me flowers and won my familys approval back, they became really close actually. I ended up getting back with him and we were so so happy. Anyway I've always had a fear that his ex would come back into the picture and split us up again. I got her number and she text me saying I had nothing to worry about, she's walked away for good now and that they hadn't spoke in ages. She also said she doesn't even think about him anymore and that they've cut all contact and she hopes were happy together. Which I thought was pretty decent of her.Anyway, he told me that he loved me and that he'd not felt this way about anyone. He's in the Royal Marines so he only comes back at weekends, and he's going to Afghanistan in September. I thought that much of him I was prepared to stick with him the whole way through and he said he wanted to settle down with me when he came home.Anyway, he came home for 2 weeks through Easter leave and we spent it together and it was amazing. However, through the last few days of it he seemed distant and didn't seem to care as much which I didn't like. Whenever I asked him what was wrong he'd say nothing.Anyway the last day of leave he agreed to pick me up from work, say goodbye to me and leave for camp again for 2 weeks. At the end of my shift he text me saying he'd gone straight back to camp and that he'd see me in a few weeks that he was sorry. It crushed me.Whilst he was driving home, he rang me and told me it wasn't working. He said being home for 2 weeks made him realize he doesn't want a serious relationship as he wants to concentrate on work and training for Afghanistan (this is the exact same line he fed to me last time and then he ended up going back to his ex). He said he still wanted to be friends and to speak.Anyway, I agreed that it wasn't working because I'd been unhappy for the last few days with how he was being with me. And he seemed suprised at my reaction because he used to me chasing after him and crying. Anyway I'm trying to move on with my life because when I think about him I just get all upset which I don't want. He texts me stuff like 'hope your ok have a good week', 'you had a good day today?' and stuff like that. Earlier he text me saying 'this I dont give a crap attitude your putting on doesnt suit you one bit lol'. I'm just ignoring him because I don't want to be strung along. I just want to move on and be happy and get on with my life.My sister said it sounds as if he doesn't know what he wants.I just find him confusing. If he tried so hard to get me back why finish things just like that out of the blue? And if he doesn't want to be with me why keep contacting me and why does he want me to care if obviously he doesn't?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 April 2012):
 Big ego, and/or back-burner technique.
You said it yourself, he was used to see you cry and chase after him, and he misses the attention, and the ego stroke. Plus, he does not want to burn all bridges- one never knows, you may always come handy in future,- in case nothing better comes up, you are a convenient option.
I am not saying he is a callous, heartless monster, I think he also still cares a bit. But he does not care the way you wanted him to care- not like a man in love and not like a committed bf.
Keep ignoring him, he'll get tired of needling you, eventually. Or, if his texts hurt you and stop you from moving on, just block him, no notice no explanations. Kid gloves are superfluous in these situations.
A
female
reader, JaneSmith2012  +, writes (17 April 2012):
 Your sister is quite right..
He's too confused himself and in the process , is taking you for granted.
Remember that This guy was the one who went back to his ex while he was seeing you. HE was the one who broke off all contacts with you.He then has the audacity to re appear in your life and then break up with you after dating you for a significant span of time..
He's taking you for granted the third time around by meassaging you once again. To top it all he's saying HE's not OK with YOUR "crap attitude" which according to him doesnt suit you ?!!! ideally that chap shouldnt have had the courage to send you messages like this after what he's done to you ...
Give him a bit of his own medicine and break off all contacts with him (sms ,calls, email,FB ,twitter everything) .Its good that you're ignoring him but block his messages if possible so that you dont have to read them at all. This will ensure that there's no room for confusion about this guy..
Put an end preferably to this relationship and move on .. YOu will definitely get someone better , someone who deserves you and who respects you as a person ..
Cheer up and good luck
:)
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