A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My bf emotionally distances himself from me. He takes a situation and makes if into something major and then hides for days or weeks. I think he does this to prevent himself from getting too close. Yes I know he loves me but I know he is fearful. Is he just one of those commitment phobic people. He is out of town and will be back in 4 days. I am trying to decide if I should still make a go of this. Yes I do love him and vice versa but this distancing and hiding is very unhealthy and quite childish in fact and it is affecting me in other areas in my life. it is very draining. I know he won't get therapy, but is there something I can do or just walk away. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your help. I did read up on passive-aggressive personalities and yes it fits this man to a tee. Loving one day, asking me to move in and then finding something to get mad about and not discuss and then running away and hiding which is really infact his way of protecting himself away from intimacy. A previous "girl' friend of his had told me this but I figured she just was not his type. He is away for a week and i know he will call when he returns. I just need to muster up the strength to not return his calls. His abnormal behavior has wreacked havoc on my whole life for the past 10 months causing me to be depressed. If anyone has any suggestions on finding the strength to get thru this let me know. And once again thank you.
A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (22 March 2009):
 If someone truly loves you, I personally don't believe they would place distance between you...they would want to see you and everyday. Now, he really could be afraid of committment, however, if he is he is more then likely not going to change. (that's viewing by age if he is around your's - they just don't) If he is unable to talk this out where you are able to work it out...to me I would be out of the relationship before it gets any further then what it is. If you are looking for someone to settle down with, more then likely the first "real" issue you have would then lead to divorce. Sometimes too...it just takes a good walk away from the relationship letting them know you will not tolerate this kind of behavior. May and may not wake him up. Each person is different. However, I would not be sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring, I would be out keeping busy and doing things I love to do.
Bottom line, you have to do what you want to do that will make you happy...just remember I said the word happy!
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): All I can say is if he loves you he has a very strange way of showing it!
Don't know how long youve known him, but he is certainly behaving very childishly.
Have you tried talking to him as to why he blows up minor incidents and then distances himself? If so, and you don't get a satisfactory response, then you have to ask yourself whether its worth putting up with his nonsense.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): My last BF was like that, and in the end he disappeared on me for good, never to be seen or heard from again. So my vote is to save yourself from heartache and misery and get out while the gettin' is good. I'm not saying your BF will necessarily disappear on you forever, but men like this don't know how to communicate properly or confront unpleasant situations, so they just disappear until things blow over. This is a crazy-making scenario that will play out time and again if you stay with this man. Mine had been previously married, and he admitted to me that when he and his wife had a problem he wouldn't talk to her for weeks at a time. How awful to live like that!
I did some reading after my guy left, and I've come to the conclusion that he's passive-aggressive. I don't know if yours has this mental disorder or not, but emotional distancing is one of the hallmarks of this. It's really cowardice, fear of facing problems, fear of not measuring up. Someone with this disorder also takes criticism very poorly, seeing it more as rejection rather than the way it was intended. You might want to read up on it yourself, to see if your guy might possibly be passive-aggressive. Be forewarned, if you come to that conclusion you'll probably want to run for the hills!
I'm sorry, I could go on forever about this subject after what my guy put me through. In the end he broke my heart, but I know it was absolutely in my best interest that we split up. Once you get some emotional distance from yours, you'll feel the same way. Best of luck to you!
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A
female
reader, bobbles32  +, writes (22 March 2009):
 I wouldnt put up with it. He's not three so he should darn well be acting like an adult.
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