A
female
age
30-35,
*pendy
writes:Why wont my ex boyfriend let us part ways? he wont let me go:(? My ex bf dumped me saying he doesn't want a relationship. He broke my heart. I loved him so much.Is been 4months now and he won't leave me alone. No matter how long we go without talking we always end up talking again. He told me he misses me, he's thinking about me when he's with other girls.Why won't he just let me be? Why does the thought of us not speaking ever again scare him.He gets really angry and defensive when I talk about our break up. He says he wants us to be friends. But I can't cos I love him.What should I do?Thanks..x
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male
reader, Anadin +, writes (10 August 2011):
 just tell him outright, that you cannot be friends with him because you still love him and that it would hurt too much, just to be friends, and that you do not want him contacting you anymore
A
male
reader, Kyle007  +, writes (10 August 2011):
I think the worst part of this is that you still love him. All of this whacky stuff he is doing would not be so hurtful if that weren't so.
I always feel that being friends after a breakup is a bad idea. People break up because they essentially can't get along, so why try to get along as friends? Its unnecessary. And that is the key word: UNNECESSARY.
Keeping that in mind, the only exceptions are that you should at least be civil to those in your social group that you once dated. But one-on-one is just out of the question.
Lastly, he says that he thinks of you when he is with other women? If he had any brains he would realize that he should just be with you. But I think he has had his chance. And you have to ask yourself who is he thinking about when he is with you.
End it!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, Trinklett  +, writes (10 August 2011):
 What you need here, is the no contact rule. You're hurting and he can't appreciate that. He's also selfish and wants to keep you close. Don't allow that - Ignore his calls, texts and if he bothers you on fb, block him. After 4 months, you should be trying to heal from the break up but he wouldn't let you. If he turns around and says he wants you back (since he 'claims' he misses you so much), let him go through the whole dating process again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2011): I have an ex boyfriend who calls me up drunk about once a year, or sends me an occasional email. It's gotten to be less often over the years, but I never respond to anything he sends.
I can't tell whether you are interested in rekindling the relationship again. If not, completely ignore him. If so, tell him you cannot risk having your heart broke again and that if he is serious about getting back together, you need a ring. And stick to that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2011): He wants to believe he's a good guy and he's probably thinking he may get some no strings attached sex out of it. You can't really expect other people to do what is best for you...you just have to take ownership and do it yourself by not talking to him.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (9 August 2011):
 Maybe he is trying to relieve his guilt about breaking up with you. He does not want a relationship with you, but he wants what I like to call "The Consolation Prize" of your freindship to make himself feel better.
He asked. You denied him. You are still emotionally raw and healing from the loss and letting him back in as a friend right now will just keep that wound open and not allow you to heal properly.
A few years ago, I broke up with a man that went from "I love you" to "Let's be friends" in a matter of four days. He said he had a few issues he needed to work on and did not think he should be in any relationship because he could not give me what I deserved. He said he loved me, but had to give me the freedom to pursue a relationship rather than wait on him to get his act together.
I gave him a hug and a kiss and sent him on his merry way. It hurt like hell because I had such deep emotions for him. But, he was right, we had to let it go. Trying to make it work would only build up resentment and conflict.
A few days went by and he wanted to get together and talk about "the good times we had" and move on into friendship.
I never agreed to friendship and I told him I needed time to heal my heart from the loss. It was not a loss for him.
I refused his offer of friendship and he went NUTS from the rejection! He could not understand how deeply I was hurting and I was blown away at his reaction that HE felt hurt that I did not want to see him at all.
You know what got him to stop pursuing (more like BULLYING) me into a friendship with him. I later found out he was pursuing another woman within a week of breaking up with me.
During one of his "Please be my friend, I miss you, let bygones be bygones, and lets move on and remember the good times" tirade I told him what I knew and how I felt.
I told him, "I actually LIKE my friends and trust them. Right now, I do not trust you or LIKE you. I need my space to get over my OWN hurt, and I do not have to make you feel better about breaking up with me."
One of his female friends came to talk to be a few weeks later and revealed that she was one of his ex gfs (I knew her the entire time the guy and I were dating and she did not say a thing!) and he did the same thing with her. She was GUILTED into being a friend. Turns out I was the only woman that ever told him "Thanks for the offer, but No."
I do think it is nice when a guy can be friends with his ex's but when he bullies them into it-it is a huge turn off and disrespectul of your own emotional healing timeline.
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 August 2011):
 Tell him that "friends" isn't going to work, and will impede your ability to move on, which is what you need to do for your mental health. He wants to be free, yet make sure you're not free emotionally.
He needs to grow up. If he breaks up with someone, he loses them. He can't keep his ex close like that, because it's also not fair at all to these "other women" he's seeing. Who wants to date someone with close ties and feelings towards an ex? Not me!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (9 August 2011):
 I see this happening all the time but in fact men are scared of intimacy and they think that breaking up is the only way to get space and to cool off. What you do is to not contact him, not talk about the break up. Occasionally talk about your life and the fun things you do, and to let him miss you. That's the only way for him to realize that he messed up. If he wants to love you again he has to come back to you with flowers and a card, and not just string you along as a friend.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (9 August 2011):
 Be assertive, if you can't to his face, write him a letter. Don't be apologetic (like don't say I'm sorry or anything like that), just tell him point blank that you can't be friends with him.
The fact that he told you he thinks about you when he's with other women tells me that he enjoys the fact that you're still hung up on him as an ego boost or something.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (9 August 2011):
 Tell him you can't be friends with him because friends is not what you want from him. Then block him from all forms of communication and avoid having anything to do with him.
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