A
female
age
30-35,
*ipsytips
writes:Every single day I text my boyfriend all that comes out of his mouth.. "I am high." Or... "I am drunk." And I hate it.. I want to tell him, "Don't talk to me until your sober, and if you don't stop I won't see you anymore." But I don't want to say that and be a jerk you know.. he already has a hard life.. and he has a child on the way with his ex.. and I am way to scared to talk to him about it, because I don't want to be like his ex where she was always a jerk to him. I want to show him that I love him.. But I don't know what to say that is nice, and that will make him stop.. We both live in different countries, so it is hard for me to go there all the time, even though he lives like an hour away. Because I am always working.. So I can't be there to help him control his alcohol, and drug addiction. Every time we talk and he tells me it always breaks my heart. Does anyone have any advice.. That doesn't involve me seeing him.. Every time he asks me to go see him I always make an excuse, like I am working over time.. Or so on because I don't want to go there and see the love of my life drink away his life. So can you tell me something that i could maybe say to him to make him stop.. Because if he loves me enough he will choose me over the alcohol right?
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female
reader, In.love.with.him  +, writes (22 December 2011):
 Your not going to be a jerk you care about him. I told my bf I didn't like his drinking when he was drinking everyday he seemed upset but you know what its been 3 months since I brought it up and now he is hardly drinking.
All you can do is mention it to him don't be harsh or mean and say I'll leave you and don't call him names say something like Hun I care about you and I am worried about your drinking if you ever need to talk I am here. Trust me he will open up either quickly or slowly in pieces at different times cause men communicate differently with their feelings. He may feel like you are attacking him when you mention it but reassure him you are not just let him know you care. Try and tell him in person.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2011): Touché So_Very_Confused, this is all you need to know OP:"If you are SCARED to talk to your partner about something then the relationship is not a good one."That's it, forget the details of everything everyone else said and the rest her post and consider that.Name one romance novel, name one woman, name one person that thinks fear of their as part of a good healthy relationship.It's not and it never was, if you are afraid to talk to your partner, the one person who you should be able to confide in then that's not a relationship that can work.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (8 December 2011):
 No, this isn't you being a jerk, this is him being a d**k. Tell him straight up that you're not dating an alcoholic, drug abuser.Tell him to kick both habits if they're really bothering you or you walk.Good luck
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 December 2011):
 IF you can't deal with his drinking and drugging then you must leave. If you are SCARED to talk to your partner about something then the relationship is not a good one... never be scared to talk about something that is bothering you.I often tell my boyfriend he drinks too much. He does not like to hear it but he knows my feelings on his alcohol consumption. Being proactive and honest about your discomfort with his drinking and drugging is NOT being a jerk. It's being honest and it's being wise. You seem to think that if you were with him all the time you could CONTROL his drinking and drugging… YOU CAN’T. THERE is NOTHING you can do to change him. All you can do is change yourself.HE Is NOT your responsibility. He is an adult and he needs to make his own choices. HE will not choose a sober and clean life till he hits HIS bottom. LOVE will not make him choose. IF you cannot cope with his drinking and drugging, you must end it now. Maybe that will be his hit bottom and he will get sober. But don’t count on it. Drug and alcohol addictions are very very powerful and very hard to deal with….. until a person is ready to be clean there is nothing you can do.I suggest you contact Al-Anon and get support as a person who loves an addict.. http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 December 2011):
Oh dear. I knew it was bad when I was reading your post. But that last line shows how bad this really is:
"If he loves me enough, he will choose me over alcohol, right?"
Wrong. That's basically expecting a man to change. And he won't change. What you see with your boyfriend is what you get. He is a drug addict and alcoholic, and he won't change for you. Ever. Period.
I can tell you right now that you'll only destroy yourself if you continue with this man. His behaviour is pretty low - the drinking and drugs show a lack of respect for himself, for you, for his ex and for the baby that is coming along.
That fact he won't seek help shows he's not really bothered by it.
The fact he has a child on the way by an ex and he's still not changing shows you that he's on the way to being a bad father and probably not a good provider.
The fact that you want to change him, think he'll give up all this if he loves you and such shows that you're not looking at this as you should be.
If you never listen to anyone else in your life, listen to me now and dump this guy. It'll be the best thing you can do. He offers nothing but misery, and he'll suck you into his little world and destroy you before you know it.
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