A
female
age
30-35,
*ero05
writes:HEEEELPmy 3-month old boyfriend confessed to me that he was raped by hi's cousins friend when he was 9 years old.But thats not it.After he was raped the first time he was raped by more people, girls AND boys, as he claimsHe also told me after he was raped he was sexually active for 3 years after that. (mostly men)I felt sorry about the rape part; but im not so sure how i feel about the sex part.Maybe im just dissaponted. I dont know.Ive taking a virginity pledge a looong time ago, he had told me he was a virgin too, which made me feel more comfortable.He does not want to talk about the issue, abut this is just driving me cazy. Im not supposed to tell enyone! So, f he doesnt want to talk about it, and i cant tell enyone, what can I do?I need serious help
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male
reader, rproctor  +, writes (13 May 2008):
Physically he is not a virgin, mentally he is. It is different for men than women though, as men do not "loose" anything after their first time.
He may take a while to fully talk about it... Give him time. If you dont feel comfortable with his past then there is nothing you or him can do because what has happened can not be changed.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): He told you a secret. That's what it is, a secret. Forget you ever heard it. If he wants to talk about it to you he will. Otherwise leave it alone. He was raped, and everytime he talks about it he relives being raped all over again. You took a virginity pledge, fine, that's your right and your choice. He did not take a pledge, he has has sexual experiences (consensual and non-consensual) which are nothing to do with you, as much as you may be "disappointed" with him. If you can't accept this...you know the score.
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