A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for these past five months. I love him dearly but he's very possesive. He constantly tells me not to wear make-up and not to wear the latest trends, insisting on letting me wear only shabby clothes. When I tell him why, he just tells me that I wear make up in order to impress others only and it's useless telling him that I wear make up and nice clothes only for his eyes only. Not only that but we go to a different school and he constantly tells me things that make me self-conscious. Help! What should I do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2012): simple solution! DUMP. HIM. :) easy enough. your guy is way too possessive. and he's only going to get worse as time goes on. easiest thing to do is break it off now. who needs all that?
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 December 2012):
 What's next? You have to cut all your hear off? Not shower? Not talk to guys he doesn't know? Guys he DOES know?
Honey, you need to STAND up for yourself and WEAR what you want and put on make up if that makes you feel good.
STOP doing these things to PLEASE him, if you don't WANT to.
HE DOESN'T OWN you.
Sorry, I would dump him, this will ONLY escalate. And it's tearing you down. The fact that you DO what he tells you, shows that he's already tore a piece of you down.. Little by little he will tear you down til you are a scared little guy who takes ORDERS. Not a healthy relationship.
Time to walk away.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 December 2012):
 Honey his jealousy controlling attempts and possessiveness is NOT a sign that he loves you. DO NOT mistake this behavior for love.
He does not love you. His behavior shows a lack of maturity and self-esteem on his part.
What you need to do is get tired of it sooner rather than later. You will eventually leave this boy, it's just a question of when.
Dress the way you want as long as you dress trendy and not trashy I think you will be fine
wear the make-up you want again as long as it's natural looking and not too garish...
he will blow fit and fit and what you tell him is "I am my own person and I will dress the way I want and wear makeup for me."
NEVER dress to please a man unless that is what YOU want.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2012): To put it bluntly but sensibly, you should end this relationship. He's clearly very insecure, jealous and controlling. People like this rarely change their ways, and often the behaviour escalates to even more sinister levels. Now I'm not making assumptions about your boyfriend, but in the future he could become so jealous and controlling of you, his tantrums turn into aggression, rage and violence.
You said you've tried to reassure him and he's listening to none of it, so it doesn't sound like there's much you can do to help this situation and make him bearable to be with if he point blank refuses to hear it. Also, what are the things he's telling you that make you feel self conscious?
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A
male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (22 December 2012):
This is the kind of imbecile who is so jealous and immature that he cannot bear even the thought of his significant other betraying him with another guy. So he forces her to look unattractive so other men will ignore her. An almost inevitable co-occurring symptom is a tendency to flirt with other women because his own is now unattractive. Learn to spot an abuser early in life, and get out of this unhealthy relationship as soon as you can or you will get used to appeasing men of his loathsome nature.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 December 2012):
 He sounds very controlling... Isn't that the basic idea behind head coverings? That a woman's beauty should be reserved for her husband, and only her husband?
If he can't handle the thought of you even being looked at by other people, then there is a problem. You should be able to wear whatever you want without him becoming insanely jealous that other people can look at you.
You may want to rethink this relationship.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 December 2012):
 I'd say this young man is a budding "control freak"... and YOU are his first conquest.....
Best suggestion: Put some distance between you and him.... You may ignore this suggestion... but, if you do, you will be setting yourself up to be within the "power" realm that this guy craves....
What's your choice? Do you succumb to his control? .... or, carry on your life like a normal, ambitious, fun young woman who has LOTS to offer her friends... her "boyfriends".. and the world....and shouldn't be kept cramped in some jerk's prison....
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, fzald +, writes (22 December 2012):
He sounds like he's being a little too controlling.Tell him that you like to keep yourself looking good and in shape, not to attract other guys or anything like that, but just to be presentable. Let him know that he is the one you want, and that he has no reason to be jealous. I can only speak for myself, but I love the idea of having a super-attractive girl, who gets to tell the world she's MY girlfriend! But if he's going to continue to try to dictate what you wear, then you may need to consider where your relationship stands. You'll need to have a serious talk with him and tell him this type of control is unacceptable, and if he wants this relationship to work he's going to have to back off, trust you and give you the freedom to express yourself as you desire. It's not like you're asking to make yourself look like a 'whore' or anything like that!Best of luck!
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