A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am now engaged in a sex-free relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, and we probably have sex about once a month. We are both in our twenties.The thing is, I am not attracted to him anymore. I feel superficial because it has to do with his physique(he has probably gained 40 lbs in our time together, is not comfortable with his body, and does nothing to change it). I on the other hand exercise 5 times a week and have maintained a healthy (and I dare say attractive) physique. I also find when we do have sex I am wildly unsatisfied. He is a lazy lover (often just lying there) and I do not enjoy it. This is another reason I never initiate sex.He says that he wants to have sex all the time, but unless I initiate it, we never have sex.I know that there are things I could do to spice things up. I just don't understand why I have to try so hard while he does nothing. If he is the one that wants to have sex all the time, why isn't he trying? Why doesn't he seduce me? Why doesn't he take some pride in what he looks like and gain some confidence? I feel I would crush him if I told him any of this. How can you nicely tell someone they are unattractive naked and a lousy lover?I love him, but the way things are going it's going to turn into a brotherly love, or a gay best friend love. Any suggestions?
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female
reader, KitKatsAndInsomnia  +, writes (14 November 2010):
my bf says that too and expects me to initiate it. How do you get someone to start trying? To be passionate?
A
male
reader, BassiveMalls +, writes (30 September 2010):
 You got to either break up with him or tell him that you have a problem with it. You can't go years in a loveless relationship just because you don't want to hurt this guy's feelings.
If he has any love for you or himself he will say "you know what you're right" and start eating better and exercising. If he does do this you've got to make sure he stays on track though do avoid a relapse.
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