A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:heyy, i was wondering if you could help me out with something i love my boyfriend more then anything in the world. he's the best thing that ever happened to me..but we've hit a ditch in the road you might say. He doesnt trust me and i didnt do anyting wrong. His last girlfreind f**ked with his head and its like hes comparing me to her, i dont know what to say or how to act to this?
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female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (24 November 2011):
 Hi,
He has been hurt deeply in the past. This experience clearly affected him, and now he has trust issues. The only thing you can do is, be supportive of him. Do not judge, or criticize him. When he's having his doubts, comfort him. Give him all the info he needs, do whatever it takes to make him feel secure, and comfortable with you.
I know it's not fair that you have to go through this, when you haven't done anything wrong. I know it's frustrating when you are constantly being accused of things. The first normal reaction is to get angry, but understand that if you do that, he will feel that you are hidding something from him.
Your 1st reaction is frustration when he accuse you, which make sense, but to him you are being defensive because you are guilty. When someone you care betrayed your trust, changes the way people think. I know it's hard, but I am sure if you have patience, you both can overcome this problems, and will have a loving, stronger relationship.
Good luck
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (24 November 2011):
You can't do anything. And you're already slipping into the common female trait which is to think that you can change/do something/act in a different way and this problem will go away.
Please listen to what I say - the only person that can change his thoughts on you is him. No one else can make him change, no one else can make him trust you, you can't do anything at all to make this different.
You do, however, have the right to tell him that you're not untrustworthy, and that he has the problem that he needs to deal with. If he's not willing to deal with his trust issues, and he continues to act this way and compare you to her, then he's not worth your time and you need to move on.
Please don't go down the route that so many other women have gone down which is to believe that you can do something about it, and to stay and hope he'll change. Unless he does something himself, it'll get worse. Then you'll either be stuck in a poor relationship, or you'll move on.
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