A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello all, Im 18 years old and me and my boyfriend have been together for two years.The problem im having is my boyfriends making me feel really insecure. When i turned around 13, i dont know what happend, i seemed to go from plain to pretty and everyone noticed. I used to be bullied when i was younger and i dont really no why i had lots of friends, and i had boyfriend and was a normal girl but i guess there was nothing i could do. The bullying stopped at around thirteen and im actually quite good friends with the girl who used to do it.Im in university in cardiff, but i have been scouted alot by modelling agencys, but im not really interested in getting into that business.I guess im used to being complimented on my looks quite alot, when i buy things people say "oh arent you pretty" and random boys and girls always come up and give me numbers and things. But none of that matters to me, i want my boyfriend to compliment me and he doesnt. He gets jealous when boys come up to me and say im pretty, and he smiles when friends and stuff say it but he never does. I would stop everyone else's compliments just to hear him say " i think your pretty" or "you look nice".It makes me feel pretty lousy, i like the way i look, but now i find myself looking for ways to change me, too see if he would prefer me some other way.Weve had massive arguements about this, as it builds up inside me, and he will blurt out a few compliments and then move on, i just dont understand why its so hard to just tell your girlfriend that you still "fancy" her.When we talk about it has says " what, you want me to lick your ass like everyone else does isit?"but he knows i dont, i guess i want some reassurance that he still finds me attractive.He always tells me he loves me, and calls me gorgeous in texts, so he thinks thats okay, that i dont need him to notice when i get my hair done or when i buy something new to where out when we got out.Why do you think he finds it so difficult to say something nice to my face? I just want to be reassured that he still finds me attractive, and that he hasnt just gone off me.Thankyou in advance xx
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bullied, insecure, jealous, move on, text, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, katejessica  +, writes (6 June 2009):
I had this exact same problem with my boyfriend.
I think he is jealous of how attractive you are or insecure about how he looks. Perhaps he already thinks you know/should know how attractive he finds you which is really the biggest compliment a boy can give you!
A
female
reader, Katy. +, writes (4 June 2009):
 I'd find that annoying too, and he should compliment you even on the odd ocassion, I don't think your being unreasonable by expecting this, but boys minds work differently, maybe he's just trying to keep you in balance, so you don't get too up your own arse about being attractive, its nothing to be ashamed of if your pretty then fair enough flaunt it, but its much prettier on a girl when they don't know how attractive they are. It turns both me and my boyfriend off girls who know they're good looking, so maybe he's just trying to make sure you stay the same way you are, he knows your pretty, you know your pretty so if he's not going to say it when you want him to, either move on from him and find someone that will or accept that he knows your good looking and assumes you get enough complements as it is. As long as you love each other then thats all that matters.
Katy x
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A
male
reader, porrasa  +, writes (4 June 2009):
kick him to the curb, if you are young and you say you are attractive. then sorry to say but he is only after one thing...... sex.
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A
female
reader, Original shiraz! +, writes (4 June 2009):
I dont feel hes gone off you, the signs your describing sound like hes simply insecure. He may feel that your too good for him and hes worried and insecure, its different for man, they can discuss their emotions they just close up so rather than jumping straiht in and asking for him to compliment just show him how much he means to you.
Next time you go out and someon approaches you turn all your attention to your boyfriend, he will love this and feel like yoi really do love him. Guys get insecure too they just struggle to show how they are dealing with it.
I think he loves you but is worried that he will loose you, after showing him sit and talk to him saying you looked really nice tonight i was happy to be out with you, something to boost him will guide him into being honest about how hes feeling.
You need the balance and he needs to put the effort and work in too, it works both ways.
Dont change who you are to suit another, he does love you for who you are so dont change thinking this will make a difference, he needs reasurance as do you, you need to work together in order to achieve a future together.
Dont battle against him, you both want the same things.
Best of luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): maybe your boyfriend just thinks that you should obviously know that he already finds you attractive, and finds it pointless to say it over and over again, especially since you seem to be receiving so many compliments already. he may also be jealous from all these other ppl paying you compliments and giving you their numbers when you already have a boyfriend. and the fact that you do get so many compliments might make your boyfriend think that it will get into your head. if he has gone off you he would be cheating on you or would have left you alrady. dont worry too much already. try and give him some compliments once in a while too. that way he will know that you find him attractive and reciprocate.
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