A
female
age
41-50,
*lairyfairy
writes:I hate the situation im in. There's only one man out there that i want but i cant give him no one more chances! I was with my ex for 3 yrs on and off. He hasnt been the best hes got commitment issues in the 3yrs we were together. We only ever saw each other 3-4 times a wk. Hes a strange character he dont live in the same town as me only 30 mins away.but he never wanted me to be included in his life. Like going to partys nites out etc. Hes built such a reputation up b4 i was with him its like hes the big man. He get all the women. If theres any trouble hes the one they come too! And he dont want to show anyone that in fact hes fallen for me and loves me.but cant show his soft side to anyone but me. Which he does. He can be the most lovin man. But he can also be quite hard and says he dont want to feel vunerable as he does with me cos hes never felt this way b4. I tell him that i cant do this cos he doesnt put me first. And then a few wks go by and he comes back sayin im such a fool and idiot. Ive lost the best thing to happen to me. Ive treated u like shit u know the real me and dying to let the real me out! I dont understand why he does this. He knows how i feel. I love him to bits and want only him. No one will ever love him like me .he know this and says it. Its so frustrating. I wait hoping that one day he will wake up and realise what hes loss! I want to help but he dont do anything to help himself! What can i do? I stupidly think that this the best i can get. I just fancy him to bits he so sexy so good looking. I dont want anyone else thinking theyve got him.it drives me mad. Cos i know that he will go off soon and slept with someone cos when weve spilt up he has done b4 many times. Why do i think hes so great when he cant do a lovin meaningful relationship!
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female
reader, blairyfairy +, writes (4 June 2009):
blairyfairy is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thankyou ever so much for your comments it just like i feel like im waiting around forever. And keep going on the path when im weak. Ive got to be strong. And will.
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (4 June 2009):
 I suspect most people have been in your situation one time or another. You are in lust with his looks, but he has many character flaws as you point out. There will come a time when he gets hair loss, gum disease, a pot belly and a comfy pair of slippers for a lifetyle...it happens to most of us sooner or later! Do you think you will want to be with him for his personality then? It doesn't sound like the relationship is working out, other than on a physical level. If you are in a poor relationship it can erode your self esteem to the point where you don't expect to find anyone better. I suggest you distance yourself from this man and repair the damage done to your personal confidence.
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A
female
reader, Original shiraz! +, writes (4 June 2009):
Because you fell for the wrong one, like so many of us do.
Now you need to dowhats best for you and let him go, although you say he loves you i feel some of his comments and behavouir refelct the person he really is and its the kind of man you dont need in your life, that doesnt stop you wanting him, its just you dont need him to carry on.
Of corse hes not the best you can get, it feels like that now but trust me there ae so many men out there looking for somebody like you, love to give and a genuine person, its just finding him. Rather than go back to this man who shows no respect (and uses the excuse of its because hes never felt this way) stick around and wiat for the right one, who will give you love and devotion that you deserve, everyone needs that balance a sense of security which this man has never shown you.
Dont let him take any control over you, you are your own person and you need your independance back, get that and move on. Enjoy who you are, without the hold back of him.
Men like him only realise what they have lost until it is too late, and you have moved on, do this for all the right reasons let the wrong one go and find yourself as well as the happiness you deserve.
Best of luck
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