A
female
age
36-40,
*eautifulCapricorn
writes:I'm 24 n a virgin, yet i have urges like everyone else. I have one problem ... I am scared of anything going inside my vagina. the mere thought of it makes me squeeze my legs together. Ive had a boyfriend before n I only let him go as far as playing with my clitoris which felt amazing and i even had orgasms but once he started to move his finger lower to put it inside me i got scared n would move his hand (we broke up 3 years ago). one of my best friends (male) offered to help me get over that fear by easing me into it through giving me oral sex, giving me orgasms n using lube, then putting a finger in, i declined because i feared that this would ruin our friendship but mainly because of that fear ... ive tried using a tampon but as soon as it touched the walls of my vagina, i could not bring myself to insert it because as soon as it touched me, i started thinking about pain to the point that i feel pain down there.I looked @ myself in a mirror n i c that my vagina is so small, n i keep wondering how i'll be able to everhave sex in the future. this worries me soooo much because i want to be able to have and enjoy sex like normal people!someone told me to get a dildo n practice but how am i gonna do that if i cant even put a tampon in??!!does anyone have this problem?! please help.
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best friend, broke up, clitoris, dildo, oral sex, orgasm, tampon, vagina Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2010): RELAX is important. How about sex from behind (that you can't see) after you are relaxed and muscles relaxed?
I would recommend that. I think as soon as you see something you tense up and tighten your muscles. It is self-defence! haha
If you were relaxed, rubbing your clit and he enters you from behind without warning (obviously with permission, my point is you wont be able to see him about to enter or know he will enter in like 2 secs)... that might work.
A
female
reader, BeautifulCapricorn +, writes (29 September 2010):
BeautifulCapricorn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for the advice ... my best friend did tell me that i would need to relax...Gosh this is so frustrating but i am going to try ... how do i even relax? should i try to think about something else or what?
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A
female
reader, Battista  +, writes (29 September 2010):
Your vagina has amazing stretching properties, so don't worry about being able to have sex. Think about what happens when women have babies! So, don't let the fact that it looks small in the mirror put you off.
You need to learn to relax. It does not hurt to insert a tampon, or a finger, or a dildo, as long as you are relaxed. That is the key. Instead of telling yourself it is going to hurt, you need to tell yourself it WON'T! You need to try and think positively about it rather than fearing inserting something.
Why don't you try running yourself a nice warm bath, have some candles, music, maybe a glass of wine, and concentrate on yourself for bit. When you are comfortable, try gently exploring things. Try eventually inserting a finger; as it is YOUR finger, YOU are in control. So, you don't need to worry about anyone else hurting you, or having to tell them to stop, or someone doing something you don't like. It's all up to YOU, and you can go as fast or slowly as you want to.
Your body is ready for this, but it's just your mind which is putting you off. Try and relax, and try fingers before your try tampons and other things. Then you are in complete control.
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A
female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (29 September 2010):
 OK, your problem is a psychological one, not clinical. You can't put a small tampon in because you're too tense and think about the fact that you actually can't.
The vagina's muscles contract involuntarily when you're cold or scared. So in order to be able to stick something inside, you need to be 100% relaxed, not scared that something might break (aside the hymen, which is not really a big deal). You also need to be extremely wet down there, use lubes, lots and lots of foreplay (the most important part for an easy penetration), so the penis (or any other thing) can slide in very easy.
The vagina is created to "swallow" ANY size of penis.
And yes, you also should try to exercise with a dildo, a finger (progressively to 2 fingers), lubes and baby steps. Take your time, don't rush, don't be panicked, don't be scared.
As a sidenote, if you have this sort of problem, maybe you're not really ready for the "moment". It's all about practice anyway.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, sweetcuty +, writes (29 September 2010):
I think I have problem and I always been shy to talk about it but I can’t keep it inside me anymore I need help...
I am 23 years old and I really want to have baby so badly but the big problem is I can’t have sex I am virgin. I have been trying to make love for the past 3 years but every time we nearly doing it my whole body starts shaking my heart start beating so fast I feel like I will stop breathing and die. I don’t drink but one day I said maybe if I got drunk we can do it I got drunk but still I feel the same way. I have been with my fiancé for 5 years and he has been so patient with me by tell me that we don’t have to do it till I am ready. I feel that I am ready but I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
My mum always used to tell me and my sisters that we not allowed to sex till we find the right person. So I always used to make sure I don’t make love till I find the right person and if I do it with anyone else that my life will end. I found the right person and I am 100% ready but
I NEED HELP
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