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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Long story short,I have struggled with bulimia and anorexia for 10 years. I do not struggle with purging anymore, but restrict my calorie intake everyday and continue to have issues with food.Me and my bf have known each other for 3 and a half years, out of that dated a year. Basically he is my best friend and someone I would trust with my life.. he is everything to me.. but I have never said a word about my daily struggle. Only my doctor and one close friend knows some details about my ed life.He is very athletic and eats healthy food so my issues might have gone unnoticed because he thinks Im all about the healthy lifestyle which is so far from the truth. For the time we have known each other Ive lied about being very into sports and pretended to work out and exercise when in reality all I do is restrict my eating so I stay thin which is humiliating to admit.My condition is starting to effect my job and that is why my doctor suggested that I go to a program which requires taking a month long break from work and staying in a treatment center or at least visiting it for 6hours a day during meal times.Im afraid to drop this bomb on him and make him stress over me because he is busy on a big project at work. I do not think he has any clue. For the last year I have hidden all my doctors appointments and iron infusions that I take every 2 months. Im scared he wont understand and will treat me differently because he has always admired how career driven I am and strong I am. I feel like Ive hurt him by living this double life and afraid this would be the end of us. I dont want to be a burden.I could hide this from him like everything else, but Im so weak these days that I feel like I need him to know just incase something happens. Im also scared to say this aloud and make it a reality. Ive lived life like this was normal. Im so fed up having to count calories every day, even going to the grocery store feels unbearable. This disease is my security blanket in a way and I hope by telling him I could start recovery. Right now I would give everything just to have one day without thoughts about my weight.Im torn because I can't lose him or dont want to hurt him.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 March 2017):
 Well first off am sure it took you some courage coming on here so you should be proud off yourself. It is a big step you took. It is not easy living a lie, and I get why you are so worried about telling him. But sweetie you have an illness, and yes it will be a shock for him and he may need some time to process it, but if he loves you he will be by your side while you get the help you need. He may be busy with a project but you also need him at the moment. You just need to sit down and tell him straight. I get it is scary, really I do but it will be a huge relief once it is done.
A
female
reader, Campari Milano  +, writes (6 March 2017):
You absolutely have to tell him. immediately!!!!Don't imagine, for a second, that he won't be hurt and disappointed that you have kept this from him for so long. If he hasn't already figured it out, it will be a shock.However, you might be forgetting that he loves you. We always worry about how our loved ones will cope when they discover that we aren't as strong as we make ourselves out to be, when really, they love us more. Sometimes, showing people your vulnerability makes them understand you more.You must not forget, you have an illness. This is not your fault. It's a condition, and you are doing your best to manage it. You can't do that alone. I really feel that you should try to explain to your partner why it has taken you so long to tell him; even if you just say you didn't want him to see you like that. Tell him that it wasn't a lack of trust, or that you were trying to hide, but that you wanted him to have the best version of you that you could muster.If he truly loves you, you won't lose him. You have to give him the chance to support you.good luck xxx
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 March 2017):
 You need to tell him. That is the only way for you to allow him to be there for you. He is an adult, it is not your job to try and protect him from life. I think he loves you, in which case he wants to be there for you, wants to know you, and you will not be a burden to him. You give him so much in the relationship. You are allowed to not be perfect, and to have your struggles. Tell him, because you love him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2017): You're dealing with a serious, life-threatening eating disorder. Tell him. You'll die waiting for the right time. Something is always up in our lives. That's just the way it is. Print out what you wrote here and hand it to him. What you wrote is real, vulnerable and a pretty good view that you're on the right track of recovery. If he bails out, you always have yourself and you coming here and revealing what you have just revealed to us is a good indication that you're there for yourself. Don't slide back. Wishing you well.
M
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (3 March 2017):
 You're brave for coming here, but you know you can't hide it from him.
You must go to the program and begin recovery properly because you can't afford not to. You also can't hide it from him, so it may be best to take him to see your doctor with you - as your doctor can help you explain it to him without him jumping to conclusions or dismissing it.
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