A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel that my boyfriend isn't *that* interested in me as an individual.My boyfriend doesn't know when my birthday is. He doesn't ask, so I never get a chance to tell. What I'm surprised is he doesn't seem to realize that "miraculously", I am getting older by a year, every year. (?)My boyfriend doesn't remember things about me or what I tell him. Small details like: what sort of beef noodles (soup / dry) would I usually order. When I asked for soup, he ordered dry, so I just said thanks and ate it.I didn't complain because it wasn't a big deal but not remembering my preferences is disappointing and a wee bit strange after 3 years.If I can remember things about him, stupid details like what beverage he likes best, favourite colour, names of his pets, his siblings' names, his birthday, his hobbies, favourite artists, ... why can't he remember more than just my name, my character and what I look like?Last Christmas, he didn't take me to dinner - I took him instead. I made the reservations and got him a Christmas gift. He was late and he was delighted that I got him a present. He said, "I wanted to get you a gift ..." and then he didn't continue his sentence as he was opening his Christmas present.I hardly see him because he's busy, perhaps once every three weeks or less, but when he's with me, he's caring and holding my hand everywhere we go but I feel that his mind is just far, far away.Our relationship feels like it doesn't have two people - it only has one important person (him) and he's not even involved.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 April 2011):
 So why are you with him? I can't see how this makes you happy, I would feel neglected and worn down long before 3 years had passed. To not remember a date, like a birthday, is a common thing. Many people struggle with remembering details like that. But that is why there's calendars! And planners, and cell phone alarms that can go off when you do not remember.
My boyfriend is a bit aloof that way, he doesn't remember dates or anything. But when he got together with me he wrote down the dates! Wrote down my birthday, wrote down the day we became a couple too. So when I ask him "do you know what date we got together" he will say "I have it written down!" and then he can go and check whenever he needs it.
Remembering things is one thing... making an effort is another. Your boyfriend might be forgetful, but more than that it sounds as if he doesn't make an effort. It sounds as if he neglects you and doesn't value you or sees you as important. Who doesn't get their girlfriend a christmas gift? And why did you accept this? Why did you not make a scene, slam your fist in the table of the restaurant, snatch back your gift and leave him at the table? Why did you just sit back and go "ok"?!
Are you ok with this? No? Then stop telling him it's ok.
A
male
reader, Philips  +, writes (13 April 2011):
 I don't remember my gf's birthday or any other things. In fact i don't even remember the names of some of my past girlfriends, sometimes i don't even recognise them when i meet them on the streets.
These informations seems like details to me. I don't want to worry about those. I prefer the present moment. I don't have much expectations on others. I prefer to do what i need by myself. I don't rely on anybody for food, cloth, shelter or anything.
He doesn't love you less. It's just that he has different priorities. You are important but not the way you expect to be.
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