A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm 24 years old and I never had sex before. Not even dated any men before. I started dating this guy 7 months ago and on May 1st we had our first sexual intercourse. It all started well but when we tried the 69 position he kept telling me he saw a hole on my vagina and he doesn't trust me I'm a virgin since then. Unlike me he had experience before and he assumes he knows what a virgin vagina looks like, I can still see my hymen but when I change the position or he openes my ass then he says he sees a big hole. He doesn't believe me and we've been having lots of problems. I urgently need advice, I have been depressed and crying because I love him. He even told me he doesn't want to meet my family because he thinks I'm lying to him, now I'm very dissapointed and I don't know what to do. Any idea? Thank you for helping!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2021): Hi
As we are talking about so called 'purity' he lacks it completely, with his ignorant, arrogant, bullying, sexist, abuse. Do as you wish with your body and be more concerned about the purity within a person. Abuse and that's that, in all it's shapes and forms. Get rid! or let this type of bullying continue. You are a free spirit and nobody owns you physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, only your creator and YOU!!!
Stop shedding tears and recognise the chipping away at your spirit until you break.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 July 2021):
 Drop him.
There is no cover over the entrance to the vagina. And no 2 vaginas look the same.
Also, just HOW much experience does he have looking at vaginas? Is he a gynecologist? If not, he needs to shut up.
My guess is, that he just wanted sex with you from the get-go. He never had intentions of meeting your parents or marrying you.
He sounds ignorant and a bully.
You need to not engage in sexual things if you PLAN on being a virgin on your wedding night. No matter what a guy promises!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (7 July 2021):
 This man sounds as ignorant as he is vile and nasty. I am so sorry you got such an uncouth specimen for your first time. I'm not sure what it is you love about him. He does not sound lovable in any way, shape or form.
Sorry, but my advice would be to walk away. He is a nasty piece of work.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2021): He tricked you to get into your pants.Everything he has told you on this matter is a lie.Go to a doctor and get the correct information.And yes you can get pregnant the first time so get on some birth control.Ask the doctor about std and get yourself checked.And Rember fool me once shame on you...fool me twice shame on me.And he does plan to dump you once he got what he wanted...Rember that.I do not know if you parents isolated you growing up but honestly I think you should get some therapy so you can learn the truth about life and men.Not all men are bad and decieveing but the one you have now sure is one hundred percent.Dump him.You must.The way he lies to you to get into your pants shows just how terrible he really is.You really need help and just a note to parents out there......When you isolate your children this is the result.Be truthful and educate your children so they actually have the tools they need to get though life and bad things like this would not happen.This is not your fault at all.What would be your fault is not getting educated now that you know that you need to.Get some help girl you have some serious learning to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2021): If he's testing you for purity, I'd say you've already gone too far. He needed an excuse to fondle you, and you played right into his hands. Literally!
I strongly suggest that you quit while you're ahead!
If your boyfriend has been having nonpenetrative-sex/oral-sex with you; you're technically not a complete virgin. You have had sex, you just haven't had sexual-intercourse. If he was looking for a pure and untouched-virgin, why would he seduce you into having any form of sex before marriage? An injury could puncture the hymen; but I don't think he's being sincere. I think he's up to no-good!
If he's giving you such a hard time about your virtue and purity, he has a lot of nerve. By any fundamental religious-tradition, if he asked you to allow him to touch you before marriage; with or without a hymen, another guy would consider your virtue defiled by your boyfriend. I presume you are Muslim. It's hard to tell, but the flag above your post looks like the Albanian flag.
I suspect He's looking for an excuse to breakup with you, now that he has had his way; after getting you to agree to let him touch you. Maybe he's trying to trick you into having intercourse to prove you're intact. He's also trying to getaway before your family finds-out he has touched you before marriage. He's going to lay all the blame on you for being "loose."
He's playing you for naive, or stupid; and you're allowing your feelings for him to get you into deep trouble when this all shakes-out. In Islamic society, you know your religion doesn't allow him to touch you in a sexual-way; if you're going to claim purity according to your religious doctrine.
If he decides to claim you're not a virgin, what do you plan to do to defend yourself? You have allowed him to fondle and touch you sexually. If you're checked, as some very traditional families do; they'll go as far as getting a certificate of virginity before marriage. I've even heard some get hymen restorative-surgery!!! I've learned a lot, my brother-in-law is Persian (born in Iran, grew-up in Canada). His elder brothers and sister are Muslim, he is not.
In any case, stop allowing him to fondle you. If he truly plans to marry you, that's when he'll know for certain. Unless your family is westernized; and not strict or fundamentalist in their beliefs. Regardless, he's not supposed to "personally" perform the gynecological-examination prior to marriage! If you didn't know that, now you do! If he is serious about marrying you, let him ask for a virginity test. Let him ask your parent's permission. I understand committing zina isn't "worse" for a woman; but not considered as bad for a man. As usual.
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