A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My partner and I live together, we had an argument last night. He is 25 and I’m 23, I am pursuing a modeling career that is just taking off but he doesn’t approve the photoshoots; last week it was because the photographers are men and he feels insecure. This time I got the part in a photoshoot for a really known brand but it was a kissing photo, nothing sexual just a boy and a girl (me) with a peck on the lips, I called him asking him for permission and he was mad at me for even asking. I want to recall that I though he could let me do this because when we were just friends one day he was saying that me and my friends don’t get miley cyrus twerking in thongs doing sexually explicit stuff because we are not mature enough to understand what is art and what is an artist. Now I see that sexuality is a form of expression and what he said stood with me because it was like he admires all these girls. But he is hypocritical! Continue reading why! He knows that my dream is to be an artist/ entertainer but what I can only do for now is the modeling gigs that is my dream job and is my income. I haven’t done a lot because they always search for a certain look. But when I do get jobs He is always mad that I look pretty, he gets jealous of the attention I get but when It is other girl that is hotter than me or has big fake boobs or w.e he gets obsessed I know because I know a lot of secrets and private stuff that I won’t mention. I cried all night because he made me say no and we have No money !! I need the money seriously I have debts he never helps with them and my boss was disappointed that they wanted me for this and I agreed. I was crying so hard that I got this intense headache and I fell asleep. When I woke up in the morning I made his food and I went to sleep back again and then he was gone. The thing is I found the history of the computer was erased , he deleted it before leaving. I look at the cookies to see what sites where visited and I see it was “ perfect girls porn site “ this made me cry again so hard because I know he was watching porn!! What do you think ,how should I react?, I feel so angry that he is being deceiving, he texted me saying that he is sad because he didn’t get any sleep because of me and I wanted to tell him “is it because of me or because of the porn you were watching?” Or tell him that I saw what he was looking at but it’s half a truth because I don’t know exactly, also the thing is I don’t want to say mean stuff and I know if I get mad I will be disrespectful because I can’t deal with being lied to and being in need of money and being only cleaning for him doing all his laundry and food and I need help with the house but he is blocking all my opportunities because he only thinks about him. What can I do? Would you tell him about the porn or wait till he leaves more proof? Because I suspect he always does watch it. Do you think it’s not fair that I can’t work because he can’t take it or it’s wrong that I want to do this kiss shoot because I need the money.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 March 2018):
 He is a hypocrite and he is controlling. You both need to sit down and talk. He has double standards. It is not his place to tell you if you are 'allowed' to model. It is your choice. It is your life and your decisions. If you allow him to control it you will regret it when you have plenty of missed opportunities. You need to be honest with him about the porn. He is playing victim here which is a classic sign of controlling behavior. Honestly I would seriously consider ending it with this guy if he doesn't change his attitude towards you.
A
male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (19 March 2018):
My wife fills in between ballet gigs with life modeling for art classes and (better paid than that) solo or G/G photoshoots. It's her business and I'd never think of interfering.
Drop this neanderthal. It shouldn't be difficult for to find someone more intelligent and more cultured. Just don't rush it. Be courted.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (17 March 2018):
 OP, leave this guy - he's controlling and hypocritical.
That said, when doing a job that can be intimate, it's best to have that job PRIOR to dating people, so you can be upfront about it and not waste your time with people who, understandably, aren't comfortable with it.
Some will be fine with you modelling, while others won't. That why you should take the job, dump the boyfriend and find a guy who isn't bothered by sensual photoshoots.
Just be careful that you wouldn't mind seeing your future boyfriend modelling a kiss with another woman in a sensual pose!
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (17 March 2018):
I would tell him about the porn now, while you are telling him that anyone intervening in your life to prevent you from following your dream is totally and unconditionally unacceptable. Along with his interference, you don't really want somebody who is so insecure and controlling. It has already gotten to the point of being unacceptable and will only get worse. The only reason to stick around is if you are financially broke and don't have another roof to turn to. If so, take all the modeling jobs you can get so that you can afford to move out asap. A good modeling career is tough to beat but there is no way you'll get there with your boyfriend controlling what jobs you take. Him not letting you do a photo shoot because the men are photographers??? The guy is a dolt. Move on and be a success.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2018): Of course it's not fair. Dump him. He's a jealous lying hypocrite. Think about your career. He can't make you not take a job. He is not your boss. You allow him to treat you this way because you stay with him, you let him get away with it, you cave in to him.
Really there is no good reason to keep him around. Do it for the sake of your budding career, your self-esteem, your mental health and your sanity.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2018): Never, ever let a man run your life or determine your future. You will regret it!
You are a strong, independent woman with hopes and dreams and career aspirations. Never let anybody ruin those because regret lasts forever.
Men come and go. Opportunities don't. If you miss something, you may never get another opportunity again. Maybe that was the ONE opportunity that was poised to change your life, and your destiny. Don't give it up!
Ever wonder why men are more successful in life generally when it comes to career? Because they do not place WOMEN or relationships first in their lives. Relationships are always second or third. They do not value them like women do nor do they change their lives for a woman.
We women tend to drop everything for a guy. We get pregnant, move away from our families, base our whole future or identity on this man!
In the end, we end up sacrificing more of ourselves than we had imagined. And we end up being very resentful. Of lost opportunities. Of losing the person we once were. For giving way too much without thinking about ourselves and what we really want out of our lives. We need to make ourselves happy and content OUTSIDE of a man and OUTSIDE of relationships.
I say he is not a good match for you. Real men would support their partners and encourage them to follow their dreams. This guy is insecure, controlling and nasty.
I would ditch the guy and NOT the dream!!!
I wish you well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2018): The answer is simple, but the action to resolve the problem is hard to do.
He is a selfish controlling hypocrite. He's taking advantage of your trust, and he owns you like a piece of property. He tells you what to do, and you are so childish you let him boss you around like he's your father. He's not that much older! In fact, he's a stupid man-boy!
Women invest their feelings very deeply into a relationship, if they love you. They take relationships very seriously and when they love, you love to a fault. Even when you see red-flags and deal-breakers glaring you in the face, you listen to your hearts. It's easy for the aunts and uncles to line-up and say dump him. We know, especially the aunts, that this is easier said than done.
You are young. You have your dreams and destiny ahead of you. You made a sacrifice for the sake of love; but divine intervention revealed a truth to you, because a Godly blessing awaits you. You cannot turn down your dreams and opportunities for the sake of this man. His love is not equal to your own. You wanted to make him happy; but he doesn't support you in something he knows you want to do with all your heart.
I have done modeling in my own past and photos sometimes require sensual or suggestive poses. I'm gay, but I had to be the man in the shoot. It's all fake. Why you asked your boyfriend for permission to do a fake kiss on another model makes no sense. They aren't even real!
It's up to you. Your destiny and your dream is calling you. If he is holding you back; then I say let go. Pursue your dream! Your bills are also telling you that you had better get some work!
Nothing is worse than looking back in regret for lost opportunities. Especially when you bypassed opportunity for knowingly stupid or unjustified reasons!
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