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He wants to date without any expectations.

Tagged as: Dating, Family, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 March 2018) 2 Answers - (Newest, 25 March 2018)
A female New Zealand age 30-35, *uliet94 writes:

I am a north Indian.My parents are looking for an alliance for me.i registered in an online dating website.i saw a guy there and liked him.We both kept viewing each other profiles for nearly 2 months and nothing happened.So I decided to make a move.my fren messaged him in fb asking him if he is interested.He said he is currently not into marriage.I accepted it and never messaged him.But my profile was again continuously viewed.After one month my friend again msged him that currently I am not into marriage also.So we both can know each other and if we feel good,we will bring it to the elders.At first he seems to be excited about it.Then she asked why he rejected me first time.He said it's complicated and he wasn't ready.He need atleast one to two years.Then she asked if its due to any personal commitments.He said he was in a relationship which recently ended and need some time to get over it.He said he viewed my profile 2 times when we ask him if more than that it's his mum who viewed my profile..she said these frequent visits thought you are interested in her.He said yeah I understand.I am fine getting know each other without any expectations and see how far it goes.She replied will see.He immediately asked if he said anything wrong.She answered no.Actually I liked his profile and wants to get to know him.Even when messaging to her he was so polite...But he said 'without expectation' which made me uncomfortable actually.It really made me assume many things..1)Maybe his expectations had hurted him.so now he doesn't want to have any expectations?2)He is not so into me.If someone really likes you,they wants to talk to u with an expectation you will like them back.3)He is scared of commitment?due to his past?4)He is still not over his ex?5)He wants to take very slow?I didn't feel good about it so I decided not to talk to him.A few days later,he messaged her if she asked about this.I said we aren't interested..He replied oh..that's ok..I was actually looking forward to it.May I know the reason..I asked her to reply but she ignored him because she was too angry.Did I made the right decision?Reason why I felt not good.1) Honestly,there is no relationship without no expectations.2)I'm scared I will like him and he will not like me back as he clearly said no expectations.3)If relationship gets deeper I will start to expect which he will be pressuring for him.4)I'm looking for my life partner.And it's actually arrange marriage.I want to talk to him as 'my maybe going to be husband'.I definitely wants to get know him if he will be suitable for being my life partner.So I will be asking marriage related questions.Since he says no expectations I can't ask him those questions.5)he is a stranger.Im scared I will be used.Im always being used by people.6)Is this a rebound relationship? Actually as a person I liked him.I don't want to judge a person based on his past.But main reason I said not interested is I felt he is not ready for marriage yet as he mentioned 'no expectations'Did I made right choice?

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A female reader, CalmTempest United Kingdom +, writes (25 March 2018):

CalmTempest agony auntIt seems as though the key thing that is really causing you conflict is the fact that he said "no expectations".

I think this answers your question for you. He is aware of your situation, that you cannot enter a relationship with no expectations, so it is unfair of him to pursue you anyway.

If marriage is what you seek, then cut your losses with this one and focus on men who understand arranged marriages, what is needed and who can answer the questions you need to ask about marriage.

This guy is making you question too many things which is a red flag straight away. There is no stability there. No definite answer.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2018):

He is a total waste of your time. He's not interested and your nosy friend is far too involved.

He's being polite, but he's also disturbingly odd. I think you really should back-off. Forcing this just may not be safe; and you should stop letting your friend lead the way.

He's not looking for what you're looking for; so it makes absolutely no sense to continue bothering this man.

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