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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi there, I would like to know what others think about my problem. Firstly I would like to make it clear that in no way am I a jealous person but I do have my own morals and standards. I have been with my partner for about 10 months. In this time we have never been out anywhere as a couple as I work different shifts than him but all he does when I’m home is watch these chat shows with very loud female presenters that are just wearing tight fitting exposing dresses, tops and skirts etc…Now a few of my friends have said that they would not put up with a partner like this. Like I said previously I am not a jealous person but this now does seem to be getting on my nerves more and more in that is all he seems to watch on his phone. It’s like what is the constant interest in that, and I’m feeling that he is not the right person for me and we don’t have any compatibility in other things. He’s so boring, and it’s me who does things for him but he never does much for me. How is the best way to end this relationship in a nice way?
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female
reader, QueenCupcake  +, writes (26 April 2022):
 There’s not really a nice way to end a relationship, but the best way is to be honest about it, and do it quickly, don’t drag it out. Don’t sit there and tell him all his flaws and that you find him boring and annoying and his habits frustrating, just tell him simply that it’s not working, and you don’t think that you guys are compatible.
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (26 April 2022):
 To be honest there is really no nice way to end a relationship, breakups are always hard.
As far as compatibility is concerned you are both a million miles apart and i feel now you are just going through the motions which as a result is now causing you distress and negativity.
I feel that all you can be is honest with him and tell him you think that you are both on a different page and you don't see this relationship going anywhere, that's it job done.
I know you work shifts, but in all the 10 months you have never been out anywhere as a couple. Just on this basis alone i'm suprised it has taken you this long to realise that he is not for you.
End things soon rather than later, the longer you leave it the harder it will get. One you have done it, you will feel like a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 April 2022):
 As WiseOwlE put it,
"I’m feeling that YOU not the right person for me and we don’t have any compatibility in other things."
You have dated for 10 months, so you have an idea if you can see yourself with him long-term or not. HE isn't going to change. Neither are you.
Do it ASAP. Since he never seems to want to go out in public with you, I'd probably do this over the phone. If you have stuff at his place, get that all packed up FIRST and then call the next day.
You do not OWE him long explanations either. Just tell him, Hey Bob, this isn't working out. I wish you the best and I'm cutting all contact. And then you DO just that.
It IS a nice way to end a relationship. Rather than ghosting him or calling him boring (even if he is).
Go on, live life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2022): What amazes me is that you needed your friends to point out to you that you are wasting your time with this boring guy. Why can you not see it for yourself? If you do things for him and he never does things for you it is clear he won't want it to end, he gets benefits that he won't want to miss out on in the future. How do you know he wants you at all, it could simply be that you make his life better and easier and he would go with any woman who does things for him - whether it is you or another woman does not matter? He does not have feelings for you, only the benefits. Wake up. You end it. Simple. Why hesitate. You don't explain it and discuss it, you grow a back bone and just do it. Of course he will not like it, tough. I sense you are too weak and will carry on with him, this is your choice. Is it because you hate being alone or you kid yourself he is nice really or you kid yourself he will change - he won't. People start off relationships making a good impression and get lazy as time goes on. They don't start off lazy and entitled and selfish and then become nice and decent later.He sees you as a provider and mother more than a romantic woman, can you not see that???
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (25 April 2022):
 The best way is to be kind but firm. Just be honest. I was hoping we had a future together but I think we are too different. I can't see this working out and its not fair to be wasting each others time. Wise owl gave excellent advice ad always. Don't drag it out. If you want out then do it sooner than later.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2022): "How is the best way to end this relationship in a nice way?"
I have to ask you, feeling this way now, what exactly attracted you to this guy in the first-place?
Not knowing how he'll take it, or what kind of personality you have; we can only make suggestions, but there is no one-size fits-all advice to such a broad question.
Generally, the best way is always to be honest and direct. It's always wise to practice what you'll say, choose the right time, and be realistic. Most people don't take well to rejection. You don't have to drop a bomb on him, or be unnecessarily critical; but you know what the most predictable anticipated question will be. "Why, what did I do?"
You could say this in response:
"I’m feeling that he is not the right person for me and we don’t have any compatibility in other things."
You don't have to be mean or nasty; but you do have to be taken seriously. You should let him know that you need to have a serious talk with him. This gives him time to emotionally prepare himself for what's to come. He'll already know what's coming; and he's probably waiting. Sometimes it's easier to let the other person do it.
Everyone wants to make a clean getaway without drama. If he's also a mature-adult in his late 30s to 40s; he has broken-up before. He hasn't had enough time to really invest a lot emotionally, in so short of a period of time. He may not be happy being dumped; but better sooner than later. Leading him on is what makes a breakup more difficult. Nobody likes being deceived or toyed with.
I think you should simply get straight to the point. Let him know you don't believe it's working; and you don't want to lead him on. Tell him that you've thought it over, it's a difficult thing to do; but you have to end this. Do it in-person. Don't try the cowardly, or heartless. way out. Doing it by text or over the phone.
You say he doesn't do much of anything. Your work schedules conflict. He likes to watch mindless nonsense on TV. There's all your reasons in a nutshell.
The longer you wait, the more difficult it becomes; because you're leading someone to believe you're invested, and want to see where this is going. You don't, so let him know. There is no nice way to say you don't want to be with someone, only an honest way. You can't control how the person takes the rejection; no matter how nicely you might try to do it. If you're too nice, it's condescending; and you'd be treating him like a child. The best way is to snatch-off the band aid.
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