A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am 15 and I have a boyfriend who is 16. We have been togther for 5 months and he means the world to me and he always tells me that he cant even imagine living without me. We are pretty close and comfortable with each other; we have the kind of relationship where we can just sit there and talk about periods, we dont really have awkard moments. Im the kind of person where if I have a problem all of my friend will know about it, im just not very private and a lot of people know what goes on in my life, well my boyfriend on the other hand is really private and NO ONE ever knows his buisness. So sometimes when things happen with his friend for example he wouldnt tell me, he says I have a big mouth and he thinks I'll tell everyone about it, but honeslty I wouldnt I dont put peoples lives out there other then mine. So what do I do i feel like he doesnt trust me and it pisses me off and bummes me out. Also, I am still a virgin and I want to keep it that way until i get married or atleast get engaged, I allow my boyfriend to touch me and stuff but i wouldnt want to lose my virginty, but the other day he showed me and little private box in his car, and there was condoms in there, and he always makes little comments about him being more than happy to do it with me. It kind of makes me mad, cause i feel like hes trying to rush me into it. Is that what hes trying to do, or am i over exaggerating. Im sorry its soo long but i need answers. Thanks soo much to all of you. :)
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condom, engaged, period, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2010): Thank you guys. :) I appreciate it.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (31 August 2010):
 Fifteen year old girls should be virgins run from this dude and find one that respects you.
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A
female
reader, msm4ever +, writes (31 August 2010):
If you are not ready then he needs to respect that. Bottom line. No 'ifs,' 'ands,' or 'buts.'
And if he doesn't respect the fact that you're not ready, then that tells you everything you need to know about him. Forget about what he says or what he does that makes you feel or think that he cares about you.
If he cares about you, then he wouldn't pressure you to do Anything that you've made clear that you don't want to do!
If he can't respect you and respect your need to wait, then toss him out- he is not the one for you, sweetheart. You deserve much better and you need to realize that.
Always put yourself first. No matter what. You need to always be aware of your worth and aware of what you deserve. And if he can't respect your wishes and feelings then he's not worth the time of day, honey.
If he really cared about you, then he wouldn't do anything at all to make you feel uncomfortable. Call him out on it. If he continues to act inappropriately or if he continues to try to pressure you into taking things further, then that shows you right there that he's selfish and only cares about his own feelings and just wants to use you for his own satisfaction- and believe me, you do not want to be with someone like that.
Move on and find someone better because he definitely isn't it. Take some time to focus on yourself. If you let him pressure you into doing it just to prove how you feel about him, then you will only regret it.
Stay strong and stay true to YOUR wants and needs. Never put any man before yourself.
There are real men out there. You have to set your standards and stick to them. Know what you want, and NEVER settle for anyone who doesn't respect you and your standards.
3
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A
male
reader, Alwayswondering  +, writes (31 August 2010):
Hey:
-In my experience, some people do not like to talk about their personal lives. You guys have been going out for five months. I think that if you guys date for a while longer, he will begin to open up. Perhaps you feel this way because you are open with everything, and he is not. What may be easier for you, may be hard for him.
-The sex thing. If he understands that you want to wait until marriage, and he respects it, then he should stop trying to force you to have sex with him. Him more happy if he were to have sex? That is kind of sleazy and it seems like he is trying to guilt trip you. If you want to wait until you get married, then he should respect that. I hope I helped, rate me!
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (31 August 2010):
Hormones hormones, it never gets old. Guys at that age are brimming with it, so ofcourse he's trying to get you off your beliefs. While he may actually love you, don't be surprised if the love card is only being used to persuade you into having sex with him. The fact he doesn't trust you is a red flag.
So stick to your guns. Tell him you don't want to lose your virginity before marriage (don't add engagement because then he thinks he can bend the line).So define the line so he cannot cross it and 'play innocent'. Tell him what he can do and what is off limits. Tell him you don't want any more 'hints' either. And that's it.
Holding onto your virginity is also a great way to weed out the good guys from the bad ones.
If he's really into you he will stick around and respect your wishes. If he isn't he will keep pressuring you and at one point start complaining about it. That's when you know you've got a rotten apple.
So to answer your question: you're not exaggerating. Trust your gut. It tends to be right on those things.
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet +, writes (31 August 2010):
 Wow....re-read what you wrote sweetie...
"he showed me and little private box in his car, and there was condoms in there"
"So sometimes when things happen with his friend for example he wouldn't tell me"
There are some big red flags...I wouldn't be shocked if he was cheating on you. Why would he have a private box in his car if you two never had sex before? His life is very private and you know of nothing what he is doing.
Now don't over-react...this does not mean he is cheating on you....just something I would watch out for and keep and eye on him.
Another big red flag is that he is pressuring you into sex. Not what a caring bf would do. Do NOT have sex with him. You set your standards and keep them. You will regret it for the rest of your life if you break your standards.
I would talk to him and explain how you feel. If he doesn't seem to care and back off then I would reconsider your relationship with him.
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, holliegeorgie.x  +, writes (31 August 2010):
 Most boys around that age are very sexually frustrated, if they've touched you they know your body and then want to move on to more. It's normal. Maybe you should hear him out about his needs instead of just thinking about your own. Its an equal relationship and you should both be able to share your opinions without feeling worried if your as close as you say you are. If your an open person maybe tell your friends and others your stuff but not yours together if it bothers him. A relationship is meant for 2 people not the whole world. So hear the boy out, he may have good reasons for all of this. Be easy and fair. Good luck
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