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My boyfriend does not always say 'I love you too.' Should I be worried?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 June 2011) 11 Answers - (Newest, 9 June 2011)
A age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Hi there. I tell my bf I love him a lot and he does not always say it back. He's like, well, I've said it, I dont need to keep saying it. He does tell me he loves me, just not that often. Sometimes I text him 'love you' and he does not text back.

Should I be worried?

I know he does love me, I guess he is not just as vocally expressive as I am.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hey there female anon. Thats true y'know, it's good to see things in the bigger picture. I had a bf years ago and he was violent towards me, was always telling me he loved me.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011):

Actions speak a lot louder than words,my ex told me many times he loved me an his actions told me diffrent he never loved me if he did i would have seen it

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A male reader, princedan Nigeria +, writes (8 June 2011):

Identifyin a problem is d first step to tacklin the issue @ hand,but in this ur case ,u dont have any issue to tackle and as such you dont need to be worried.

As u know and as u have said,ur boyfriend is not vocaly xpressive as u are.your boyfriend loves you and you can attest to that.too much of i love you to me will make the word loose it's value that is why ur guy is been conservative aboutso my dear relax cos u have no problem

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (8 June 2011):

chigirl agony auntI hate having to be forced into saying "I love you".

I believe that it should NOT be misused. Then it loses it's meaning. If you FEEL like saying it, then say it. Otherwise, DON'T. Your boyfriend loves you, and he tells you so when he has the urge to tell you. You however get upset because he doesn't express his emotions on command. This isn't about being expressive, or keeping emotions hidden. This is about saying when you feel like it, not because you are expected to. He's not a parrot that you should teach to repeat everything you say.

You might get insecure and wonder if there is something wrong, but that's only because you add so much pressure on this meaning anything. Tell him you love him because you want him to know. Not because you want something in return. If you feel unloved, look for signs of affection elsewhere. In the end, words are just words, and action speaks louder.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011):

My GF says it ALL the time, and I do not always reply. I think it is childish to expect a "I love you too" every time. Many couples seem to get hung up on this. His actions will tell the story.

As for texts, don't put any stock in them. You have no idea what he is doing or if the text even got through.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hey, thanks for all the feedback and for reassuring me:-)

He does love me just does not always say it. We have spoken about it and he has said he just does not feel the need to say it every time I do.

He can be very unromantic at times, but then also he can be romantic too. I guess it's just human nature.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (8 June 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI wouldn't be worried if you know he loves you and he shows you.

I always NEEDED to hear those words. My current BF cannot say them. it kills him... it KILLS him. I love him madly and I tell him and he says "thank you" but yet with him I know how much he loves me... it's how he looks at me, it's how he treats me, it's so many things...

he's the first man I never needed to hear it from... and yet I know he loves me more than any man ever has...

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A male reader, Drew21 Canada +, writes (8 June 2011):

Drew21 agony auntThis is an issue that turns up time and again in relationships.

I know it has always bothered my wife a ton.

I agree with CaringGuy. Look at his actions. For most men, we are all trained that actions speak louder then words.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Sometimes, not always. we are buying a house togtether and trying for a baby so I guess he must love me? I just feel hurt when he does not say it back. He is a very pragmatic person and is bad at expressing himself, he's also not great at giving compliments too. I do love him though, he loves me too, just shows it in a different way. I just find it hard work at times.

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A female reader, zebralove Canada +, writes (8 June 2011):

zebralove agony auntMaybe your using a powerfull word too often. Maybe he wants for it to be special when he tells you he loves you, that its for real and not just a word he will say all the time. I know you love him and when you say it you mean it, but try to hold back on it a little, it will make it much more meaningfull the times you say it then.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (8 June 2011):

Does he show that he loves you through actions? Because my experience is that woman place too much emphasis on the words, rather than looking at the actions. If he's saying it sometimes, and more importantly he's showing that he loves you, then he loves you. Look at his actions.

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