A
female
age
30-35,
*ansNom
writes:He was my childhood bestfriend and we started dating when i was 14 and half years old. I am 19 now.He was my first boyfriend, first kiss, and basically he was my first at everything. We were very naive. We actually started talking about where we are getting married, how many kids we are going to have, where we are going to live, how we are going to college together, what are we going to do after we retire, etcI've known him since i was 9 years old. He died due to a car accident. He was going to pick me up for our date, since it was my birthday. But it was winter and the road were really slippery and it was foggy then he lost control of his car and crashed. I didnt know what happened to him at the time. I remember being mad at him for making me wait for so long, until i found out he was on a car accident. My parents then drove me to the hospital. I remember running to his room then I just lost it when I saw him. He can barely speak and open his eyes. His last word to me was "Even tho I'm not going to be there to be with you to celebrate when you achieve all your goals or when you need a shoulder to cry on or when you are waiting on a very long line to get your starbucks, always remember that Ill always love you. I'm glad that you are my first and last love.Everything that happened that day is still very fresh in my mind and the memories always floods in my mind everyday. I can still feel his hand when it just suddenly drop. This haunts me every night.I just dont know how to move on I feel lost and empty. I've lost many of my friends because they feel that I'm very distant when I'm with them.I tried dating again and hanging out/ going to parties with my friend but I still feel that emptiness inside me. I always think how it would be so much more fun if he was here or what type of conversation we are having. I can never see myself being with someone else. I dont even want to celebrate my birthday because he died at that daycould you please help me and give me an advice on how to move on? I hate feeling this way all the time. It’s like being pulled out to sea and you have nothing to hold on to, and all you see around you is more water and you wonder if you’re ever going to see anything else ever again.thanks
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female
reader, SansNom +, writes (6 December 2013):
SansNom is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for your advices. Yes I've talked to a counsellor before but it didn't help that much. The pain is still there. I'm aware that I'm still young and such but I just don't know if I'll be able to love someone as much as I love him
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 December 2013):
 sounds like you have survivor guilt.
have you had grief counseling and therapy for this loss?
If not that's your very first step...
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A
female
reader, desiree075 +, writes (5 December 2013):
I am very sorry for your loss. I am also sorry that your birthday is tainted. Have you considered seeing a grief counsellor? Or spending mroe time with other people whom you love? I think the latter is very important. Don't take them for granted. (Not saying that you do, just that it helps to take comfort in them).
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (5 December 2013):
 this is tough, your letter even touched my emotions. I wish i had a magic formula but i don't. all i know and can tell you your boyfriend would not have wanted you to be this sad, and empty. he would not want you to go through live like this. he would want you to experience love, joy, and be happy.
you need to maybe seek a counselor to have someone to talk too, and pour your heart out to. some one to talk to,that might just be part of the healing process that you may need. please consider that. also look at the spiritual side also find a church, a pastor to talk with. you have a heavy load to carry by your self.
this would be my advice a pastor of a church to talk with because we have needs to big to carry by our self, and souls that hurt. a counselor to help for the emotions that can't cope with the hurt we feel.
i hope this helps, and i am sorry.
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