A
female
age
30-35,
*rokenhearted2
writes:My boyfriend died about 2 months ago. I have had terrible relationships before he came along. he treated me like I was literally a princess and the only one in this world. I know it has just been a little over 2 months but I still cry every night. I dont know whether this is normal because i have never lost anyone this close to me. He had been shot in the head because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time and died at 17. I know I'm young but I truly loved him with my whole heart and we had decided we would stay together and get married some day and have many kids. I keep holding on to those dreams and I just can't let go. What's the best way to deal with this and am I normal for crying every night? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): I also lost my boy friend last october 1, i know how you feel ...he was shot right in front of their house (The case is not yet solved up until now) they said a student of his killed him because he suspended that student...a lot of people is trying to help me and im very thankful for their help but still the pain remains...He already asked me to marry him and i said yes...
Im in college right now and i'll be graduating this march 2011..we were planning to get married after i take the board exam, but now it won't be possible anymore...we've always talked about family, i know he's really eager to have one coz he's already 33 and he's not getting any younger...
you know our love story is a little bit touchy...He's my highschool teacher and when i entered college he courted me formally but my parents disapproved our relationship, so we decided to hide it for 4 years...Me and him through all odds to prove to them that love conquers all..but he can't prove it now...he really loved me he'd risk anything even his life...everyday id still cry, and i wake up 2:30 of everyday, this was the time that i was informed of his death... i miss him so much...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): it is totally normal to cry. My boyfriend died when I was 23, I understand what you are feeling. It has been 7 years and I still have grieving. There are a couple suggestions I have for you: go to some sort of grief therapy. even if everything in your being tells you that you dont want to, GO, it wil help to talk with people who understand death and grief like you are feeling. 2nd pick up the book "How to survive the loss of a love" http://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439its filled with tips and poetry. i still read it, and give it to everyone that loses someone. the first year is the hardest, you will feel like a rollercoaster. Its ok, just embrace it. TALK with people who care, and remember to hug yourself, literally. Start praying at night, try and close your eyes, calm yourself, and get into a meditative place, it is here you will reconnect in spirit with your boyfriend. he will be there to help the healing process.stay strong!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): hi i am 14 years old i lost my 14 year old boyfriend almost 3 months ago and i know how ypu feel when he died i lost the will to live but my family and friends helped me get my life back on track. Im so sorry to hear about your loss :'( xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010): I'm sorry for your loss. i lost my boyfriend (it will be a month this thursday (he passed sept 14th). we had been together 3 years, lived together - he was my best friend. my mom had passed away when we first started dating - he helped me through it then his grandmother died and then we had a miscarriage and now to lose him i am so lost. everyone tells me things will get easier, time will help, but all i want is to be with him again. he comes in my dreams once or twice but it still doesn't help. death is by far one of the hardest things anyone should go through and you are very young to have to deal with this pain. unfortunately, it is up to you to get past it. and you will.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010): hello, I'm sorry to hear about your loss :( I lost my boyfriend last year to a really aggressive form of Leukaemia. I was 5 months older then him so when I lost him he was 16 and I was 17. It's been over a year and I still cry every day and I'm far from 'moving on' (My most hated phrase!). I had some of his best friend bitch about me to my teachers sayings that they have been his friend for 7 years and I had only been his girlfriend for 3 months so it was harder for them. I loved him from the moment I saw him and I love him the same now, although I spent less time with him (I wish I had 7 years) if you love someone you love them and even if you knew that person after 5 minutes it doesn't matter you still love them. I ran the 2010 London Marathon and raised £6104.22 for Leukaemia Research, I was so happy to raise that much but really the marathon didn't help me all I want is my man back in my arms. My parents worry about me and that I haven't 'moved on' yet but I really wouldn't stand to be anyone else, I just wouldn't be able to tell someone else that I love them without thinking about the one man who i truly love. So for me I rather be alone, just me and my dog. At times I do think about being with him as I believe in our spirits going somewhere (not heaven or hell) but as crazy as it sounds I believe us humans are on the earth to learn and things have happened for a reason, so that and my parents feelings is why I would never do anything 'stupid'. It's weird though the happy I try and make myself feel, the more I can feel my boyfriend with me. What i'm trying to say to you is your boyfriend will always be with you whenever you need him, if there comes a point in your life where you are feeling lonely or whatever he will understand an he will still watch over you. I always say how much I miss my boyfriend, but really how can you miss something you have never lost? x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2010): I'm so sorry you are going through such an awful crazy thing. I don't know how you're coping but every one has there own way and with some people, it takes a long time. I strongly urge you to find someone who can help you come to terms with this if you feel like it's consuming you or that you can't quite pull out of it on your own. Where are your parents? If for some reason they aren't available physically or emotionally to give you advice or just to listen then you're other alternatives are church, school or family. Just find some one or something because, this kind of thing is so hard. You could be dealing with it in a way thats harmful in the long run if you were never taught how to deal with emotion properly you know. Like dwelling on it, obsessing over it or surpressing it without resolving it first, all this could make things worse so that's why I say you need to seek out support as soon as possible. In my opinion, it's extremely helpful to be in a group with others who have been through similar experiences just to talk it through and rationalize my own fellings based on how the others reacted to thier situations. All I really know is I once thought, "Support groups/counseling are for wimps, I can handle my problems myself". But believe me, a room full of the most understanding and compassionate people who know exactly what you are going through is unavoidably reassuring and very comforting to know you're not alone. Cliche as it sounds, its all true. And since you're so young, theres a lot of potential to learn from the people you may meet and form bonds with new friends and possibly find strong new role models to help guid you through lifes messed up twists and turns. I'm so sorry your boyfriend is gone but as someone said earlier, he wouldn't want you to be sad forever. Just try to cherish the time did you have and not mourn the time the you lost. Good luck and be careful.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2010): Im so sorry to hear about your loss. Crying is a way of grieving and Id say this is entirely normal. However, because of the seriousness of your relationship with your BF, the emotion you invested, and all of a sudden that is gone...it will take its toll on you. PLEASE do not be afraid to get counseling on this as it is normal for people to do so thru hard times like this. Best wishes to you miss :-)
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (26 September 2010):
 You should considering going to grief counseling. You are too young to go through this much pain alone. This is a huge thing to have to deal with at any age, much less your age. Please talk to someone and allow yourself plenty of time to grieve for him before you start putting your life back together. I wish you the best.xoxox
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 September 2010):
 Im really sorry sweetheart...cannot even imagine what this pain must be like...but you have to pull yourself together. Do it for him. He treated you like a princess, he always wanted you to be happy, right? Seeing you like this would never make him happy. He will always be in your heart, and you never have to let go of him. But at he same time, you are here for a purpose, and you have to live your life gracefully.try and talk to someone who makes you happy. Time is the best healer...slowly you will try to look beyond the tragedy and think of the amazing time you spent with him.
Take care and all the very best to you...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2010): its acutlly good that you cry because if u didnt u would explode but the best way is to move on your boyfriend would want you to be happy start it of slow but then work up to starting a new relationship
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2010): I am so sorry to hear about ur lose but im afraid that life can be so crule. Two months isn't that long at all and i know that u must be hurting so much. Things will get easier with time. Memories of all the special times that you have will be there for life and never forgoten.Im sure that he wouldn't want you to so sad. Keep your chin up and remember the good times that you've had, thing will get easier i promise, take care
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2010): I'm so sorry for what happened to him and what an awful thing you must be going though. And yes, it is extremely normal for you to be crying so much. It was only 2 months ago, it's only natural for you to be still very upset. It would be abnormal if you WASN'T upset.
These tragic happenings are the worst possible things anyone can go through in their life. As you've experienced it at such a young age (which an awful, awful shame) it'll only make you a stronger person in the future. If you can get through something like this, you can get through anything.
I know this is going to be hard, but you HAVE to pull your self together. Whether this is going to make you feel better or not I do not know, but you're so young! The whole world is just waiting for you.
I think you should possibly (if you haven't) see a doctor and tell them how much you're grieving and they may suggest a counselor or perhaps put you on antidepressants until you get/feel better. I think this will help you a lot.
I know it's hard, but you have to be strong. Don't spend too much time on your own, spend a lot of time with friends, family and the people who love you. Try as hard as you can to live your life as a normal day to day basis and try getting out more. Do something you love or you've never tried/experienced. Maybe kindly asking your mother/father if you could all have a weekend away somewhere, take a trip/holiday away from where you live for a few days. You'll feel so much fresher and better about yourself.
Obviously, you'll never forget this boy. And I am so, so very sorry for what happened to him. But in time to come you will learn to keep those wonderful memories of him locked away safely. Time is a great, great healer.
Take care and all the best.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (26 September 2010):
 I'm so sorry that you're going through such an awful time. Yes, it's perfectly normal. Everyone grieves in different ways, and no one can say that there's a "right" amount of time.
Talk to someone who will give you a sympathetic ear -- a parent, a friend, a counsellor. Talking helps. Write him a letter and pour out all your feelings, tell him how much you miss him. Leave the letter on his grave, or burn it at a special place that the two of you shared.
Be patient with yourself. In time you'll find that the pain is less intense, and that you're remembering the happy times more than the tragic loss.
I wish you the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2010): I am so sorry for your loss. Of course it's normal to cry every night. It's only been 2 months! Things will get better in years but it's something you can never truly get over. Its sad that you have lost this man that you loved very much, and at such a young age. But im sure he knows you love him and he loves you too. I wish you the very best of luck and hope you can learn how to cope with this. :]
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