A
male
age
30-35,
*alf_spoken_soul
writes:Hi,everyone. This is a bit weird problem. I'll appreciate your help. I,m 21, my girl friend is 18. Its first relationship and practically first love for both of us. In my country things are kinda back dated. We love each other so much. The problem is we go on dates,watch movies hang around. We've been together for 8months now. But, i dont know why i couldn initiate anything physical between us. Maybe because um a late bloomer, kinda introvert thats why,or because sex and stuff like this is still lil bit taboo in my country. So, we didn kiss or make out. We just hold hands. I wants ideas and guidance on how i can initiate a kiss or cuddle her or make out with her on dates,movies or other times when we're alone in room. I,m just too stupid and scared to do anything. I'll appreciate your helps. Thanks. Sorry for poor english. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Universe Man  +, writes (26 September 2010):
It may be hard for most people here to understand your culture. If you were American, I might just say, "Next time you are having a quiet intimate moment, just lean in and kiss her. She's probably waiting for it." And that advice might be good in your situation. But if you've been together for 8 months without kissing, and there are strong sexual taboos in your country, then that may be too aggressive. She may be so surprised that she is turned off by it. Maybe you need to ask her first. Asking for a kiss is something I wouldn't normally tell a man to do but your situation is different. Maybe next time you are holding hands alone in a room, ask her "Would you like it if I kissed you?" or "I would really like to kiss you. Would that be okay?" Or if you think it's more appropriate to cuddle first instead of kissing, say something like "I want to put my arms around you." It's normal to be scared, but the only way to get over being scared is to do the thing that scares you. Honestly, she probably is dying to kiss you but has even stronger taboos preventing her from initiating a kiss than you do.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): Hi Half_spoken_soul,
I completely understand your nervousness about initiating a kiss. The first time one does just about anything, it is usually filled with tension and uncertainty. Fear of the unknown is very common, especially with a milestone such as your first kiss. But trust me: once you do it, it won't seem like such a big deal at all. I'm sure that if you have been dating for so long, she would not object to a kiss, so you don't have to worry about rejection. I suggest you find a quiet place to be alone. My ex usually broke the tension by becoming playful. Maybe you could tickle her, or playfully steal something of hers so she has to try to snatch it back. This will make the feelings light and fun rather than anxious. Then look into her eyes with meaning and love and go for it. When you do it once, you will find that you will get the hang of it and that it wasn't as scary as you thought. Good luck! You can do it!
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A
female
reader, Viva009  +, writes (25 September 2010):
 hey..tbh i think you should just go for it! you cant expect to be in a dry relationship..she may be feeling the same way as you but scared to do it first as shes a girl..good luck with it :)
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A
female
reader, Duckyhelp +, writes (25 September 2010):
 Your english is very good! :)
The key is confidence! She holds your hand, she will want more to happen. Does knowing she wants it too make you feel better?
Take it in stages, like next time you see her aim to get a cuddle. If your sitting down, hold her hand, sit close to her and put your arm over her shoulders, this will bring you guys closer together. If she responds good to this then kiss her on the cheek. If she doesnt do it back, dont worry she will be as scared as you are! At the end of dates kiss her on cheek and hug her, to feel close. Once she gets used to you kissing her cheek she will do it back to you. and once she does that you can move round and kiss her on the lips. Then the rest should follow :)
Hope i helped :)
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A
female
reader, emmaa92 +, writes (25 September 2010):
i think the best way to handle this is to just go with your first instinct, life is way too short! but if this is a big taboo were you come from, maybe you would like to take a romantic approach to this. as you are walking together, stop and looking in her eyes, and say something like 'i love you' or 'your beautiful' and start with a long, tight hug! if it feels right you could pull away slightly and give her a kiss. you arnt in anyway stupid :)and a lot of people go through this! maybe the best idea would be to talk to her about how you are feeling as she might be feeling exactly the same! good luck :) x
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A
female
reader, DenimandLace44 +, writes (25 September 2010):
 There are several ways to do this. If you are sitting side by side on a couch...pull her against you. Just keep getting your face closer and closer until you are cheek to cheek. Stay that way for a while, gently rubbing her cheek with yours. Then take your hand and gently cup her chin and move her face to a facing you position and meet lips.
You can be standing talking to her and have your face close and then just lower your mouth to hers.
You can kiss her on the cheek and work your way around to her mouth...
Just take it easy and let it happen. But dont be afraid. I
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