A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend deleted his porn collection from his P.C. I never asked him to. Earlier on we was watching a program, with asian girls on it. I called him a hypocrite for defending them, when he calls so many types people. So in our arguementhe deleted his porn. He said it was to prove that he loved me. He said he doesnt need it. He only goes on it twice a week. I do get up set with him. When he was in his early 20's he slept with a prostitute. His friends sleep with prostitues too. Im not to tell anyone about what i know. Especially to any girlfriends. He tells me all the time about what he finds attractive in girls and who he fancies. He says I do too. But i do it because he does it and he started it. Will he start watching porn in secret?How do i tell him i dont really mind the porn?Why cant i turn back time?
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male
reader, Redman  +, writes (5 January 2011):
He probably didn't even delete the porn . He's probably got a backup hidden somewhere on the computer. Not to mention he's probably seeing more prostitutes on the side. I'm mean you know he's been to a prostitute before so obviously he's not opposed to the idea of paying for sex. His mates do it, do you really think he is the odd one out in the group. And he looks to porn for sexual stimulation so clearly his needs aren't being completely satisfied and he has no problem looking elsewhere for something to pick up the slack.
A
male
reader, Sttudyo  +, writes (30 December 2010):
You argued because of porn?? That's just absurd. It's just simply adult entertainment. If you really say you don't mind... maybe you could watch something together?
If you're not into that... well you could always watch erotica or something softcore... just to spend sometime together..
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (30 December 2010):
 Not really a problem babes, but you have doubts.
He deleted the porn because he was angry. I bet he'll start watching it again, but will do it in secret because he has no wish to upset you or get in arguments again.
If you don't mind pornography, then bring up the subject, and have an honest discussion about sex, and what you like and what you find offensive. This often helps to clear the air, allow people to share secrets and help create lasting bonds. Tell him about your fantasies, share his, tell him if you like romantic poetry or prefer rough sex. Make sure that this is a special time, where neither of you judge each other and you agree to keep anything said as a private secret.
Alternatively, just buy him a porn video and wrap it up in nice paper.
If you don't like him mentioning pretty girls, then tell him it's offensive and agree you will not mention pretty men either. An easy bargain to make, and it is more respectful than comparing each other to fantasy people all the time. If he (or you) slip up and forget, just gently say, "I don't bloody care what he/she looks like, can you keep your opinions to yourself)
The prostitutes... no he won't go get a prostitute, that is something single men do when they are virgins and embarrassed, or single and can't get a date. Why would you want to tell your girlfriends this? It's like him telling people you drool in your sleep, you got celulite on your ass, and your tits aren't the best... embarrassing and private.
He told you something private, something that probably embarrasses him, don't share it with your girlfriends who will laugh at him and say bad things. Sex secrets are just that, secrets not to be shared with the whole world. Imagine how your girlfriends will react if you tell them, now imagine how his men friends will react if he starts to tell them private stuff about you.
Don't get into competitions or pointless fights and arguments. Spend your time making laughter, joy and love and your relationship will become something people are jealous of.
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A
male
reader, Cupid Boy  +, writes (29 December 2010):
 Ok, he deleted his porn collection to show he loved you... and this is a problem??
I'd say he didn't value his stash very much in the first place to so casually get rid of it without you even suggesting it. Or perhaps he honestly felt bad about having it. But the fact he and his friends have hired prostitutes makes me question his values. I doubt he'll go month after month, year after year, without so much as glancing at pornos again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): Well first thing I think you should just let him watch his porn like he always has. My boyfriend watches porn alot! I don't mind if he watches it as long as he doesn't become obsessed or masterbate in front of me. It's very common for guys to watch porn so just let him be at that one!
As for the prostitute one, you should tell him how you feel about and try to forget about it. It also sounds like he needs better friends! Come on! Who has sex with prostitutes who might be carrying around a bunch of diseases!!! Anyways maybe you should just talk to him about everything that you are uncomfortable with.
That's all the advice I have right now! :)
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A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (29 December 2010):
 "But i do it because he does it and he started it."The best way to stop a behavior is not to do it yourself; it's first to ask them to stop, then start with the stick and carrot."Will he start watching porn in secret?"That's a trust thing between the two of you. Deleting his porn folder is meaningless as long as he has internet access. He *can* still watch porn; whether he *will* isn't something I could say."How do i tell him i dont really mind the porn?"It sounds like you do mind the porn. And, after that argument, he probably will assume that telling him differently is just setting him up for a trap. You could offer to watch with him; other than that, just don't mention it for a while and maybe he'll bring it up."Why cant i turn back time?"Is this about the argument, the porn, or the prostitute? The best answer I can give without graduate-level math is that you now have the opportunity to learn from your mistakes and grow as a person. Figure out what you did wrong (compromising when you shouldn't have, or failing to compromise when you should have, your call), and do it differently next time.
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