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female
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anonymous
writes: I am desperately in love with my boyfriend of 4 months. I thought we would be together forever. But I just found out he cheated about 2 months ago, in a drunken one-night stand with an ex. I never suspected a thing, even though I knew they had dinner together that night. He has had to tell me now because she is pregnant!We have broken up - but I wake up every day crying. He says he wakes up every day hating himself. He has said sorry 150 times - but it doesn't undo it. He says he didn't tell me because he convinced himself it wasn't true and didn't want to lose me. He says he would spend the rest of his life making it up to me and wants desperately to earn back my trust. I think I believe him. But at the end of the day he betrayed me and is having a baby with her. I am younger than him and do not know if I could deal with that. Help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2012): I don't really no how to answer that but i'm sorry to hear that and i no how you feel because i went through the same th ing an it hurts really bad its been 2 years for me now an i still haven't took him back i just can't do it any more an everytime we get into it he throw it in my face. Now your guy maybe different an may really be sorry good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2012): am going thru the same thing right now. my boyfriend of 2 years went outside the country, rumor had it he cheated, he denied, i believed in the name of love. now 9 months later the gal is pregnant given birth 2 weeks after am giving birth. ( but the gal is also known because she gets around alot) so am sure the baby cld not be his, but since he's from another country its easy to pin it on him to get money, and possibly she thinks they can get married and she gets a green card.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2011): My boyfriend of five years has a child with another girl. He did not tell me until after the baby was born,because he was ashamed and did not want to hurt me. Of course he said he was "drunk". He lied about who she was, but a little voice keot telling me to look to dig deep. I found out who she was,actually someone we both worked with at one time. She was aware that he had a girlfriend. I tried to hang in there,but the pictures of his son all over the house was a constant reminder of my pain. I can't hate the child,because he did not ask to be born. I left him, but now he is trying everything possible to get me back. We had a lot of years invested. Im not sure if I could ever go back. The lil slut does not try to start any drama, their son his with most days anyway. At the end of the day karma is real and she will get it all back in some way shape or form. It has come back to smack him in the face in different areas in his life. If its taking too much of your energy....walk away.,
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2011): My boyfriend of five years has a child with another girl. He did not tell me until after the baby was born,because he was ashamed and did not want to hurt me. Of course he said he was "drunk". He lied about who she was, but a little voice keot telling me to look to dig deep. I found out who she was,actually someone we both worked with at one time. She was aware that he had a girlfriend. I tried to hang in there,but the pictures of his son all over the house was a constant reminder of my pain. I can't hate the child,because he did not ask to be born. I left him, but now he is trying everything possible to get me back. We had a lot of years invested. Im not sure if I could ever go back. The lil slut does not try to start any drama, their son his with most days anyway. At the end of the day karma is real and she will get it all back in some way shape or form. It has come back to smack him in the face in different areas in his life. If its taking too much of your energy....walk away.,
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): well im kinda going through the same thing my boyfriend of almost 2 yrs and i have two kids one is his shes 9 months but just this sunday found out that he cheated on me and got the girl prego too im hurt i feel betrayed but i love him and its not about what he can give me its the things weve been through but all i can say is ur young live life theyre are better men out there that deserve a good woman for me im trying to forgie him wit all my heart i dnt kno if it will work,but good luck and think twice
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2011): How did I deal with my cheating boyfriend of two years who laid in my bed night after night saying that he loved me and we were going to have a future together and his expecting married partner? After I found out I stopped having sex with him even though he slept with me most nights. Then I exposed his cheating ways to everyone that knew them; their friends, his family, her manager (HR Director), and her husband. Oh - he was volunteering for her and had a position in this organization at the time. They both lost their position/job and the diginity. He still has to show his face in the place day after day for other reason.
I lost him but I didn't want a cheating man and the diseases that could come with his lying, cheating ways and I didn't care who got caught up in the wave. The next time he cheats, he will think twice.
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female
reader, mrs.real  +, writes (19 January 2011):
I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months I found out his baby mother is now pregnant with his 2nd child when we first started dating he lied about having any children he gave me a fake name and later on I found out everything by digging in car I found his I'd and car regristration. I found out everything confronted him about it and he admitted to it I accepted that he had a child because it was before me he told me the kid was a mistake and they had an agreement that he would only take care of his kid because he told her get an abortion and she refused it but now I'm finding out she is pregnant 8 months we been together 10 months now which means he cheated I kept asking was it true he kept denying it I found a babyshower invitation and a card from June on fathers day with her saying 8 more months I showed it to him then he told me that she had an abortion but she didn't she's due next month I hate it and I hate him and I hate her that's nasty she git pregnant knowing I was with him and he betrayed me he's been lying since day one it hurts me And I feel real stupid he doesn't even c her he sleeps with me every night he isn't even there for they're first child. Some woman are stupid. He wants me to stay with him and told her he'd give her 600 a month for both kids and he tells her stayaway and she accepts I am disgusted by both of them that's y I left his ass after I used him I dumped him
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): Im have to same thing goin on in my life right now.My so called boy friend of 3 yrs has been seeing a girl that he so call say is nothing to him just found out by one of his family members she is pregnant not sure how far she is but we just had a baby together she is 5 months.He keeps telling me that he really wants to be with us but how could i belive anything he says anymore.i feel he didnt give my lil girl time for him to be her daddy before he decided to have another one all i say is your lies catch up with you after so long.... I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide but I walked away..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): Good luck to you girl, thats such a hard place to be. My fience of 8 yrs did the same (w/ my best friend no less). The hardest part once you have decided to forgive him is she now has a power over both you because of his child. In my situation she will not let him see his daughter if she hears he is still seeing me. He wants to do whats best and be a part of his childs life but this has been so hard for both of us. I know you hurt alot but take into account this is just as painfull for him. Yes he caused the situation but if you have already chose to forgive then you have to be understanding to his pain as well. I wish you the very best!
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female
reader, caribbean bajun +, writes (8 January 2011):
sorry to say..he is a liar...
i am in a situation where my ex boyfriend has a new girl friend(who he denied) she is now prenant...she told me that she they have been together for 6 months. We have been intimate the whole time plus a year 1 year and a half. He tells me he loves me and we will be together 1 day. I can only imagine what he tells her. SHe believes nothing i say when all i have been is honest to her. I have a 10 year old daughter with him...i dont get why she doesnt wonder why she has never met her...maybe because my daughter would tell her everything. SOmtimes we are blinded by love...i know i was....
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female
reader, Lady Jay +, writes (19 November 2010):
I don't have a answer for any of you ladies because I'm looking for answers too. I have been with my boy friend for two years now and we have a 4month old son together. He cheated on me in the first trimester of my pregnancy with an ex who for a year and then some has been literally harassing me. She is now claiming that she is about to have his baby. A lot of me wants to leave him and my heart wants me to stay. The hardest part for me is that we have a child together. We also both have 7 year old boys. My womens intuition always told me he was cheating but to get a girl prego is the most hurtful, backstabbing, un-loyal thing you could do to the women you say you love, the women you want to be the birth mother to all the rest of your children, and to the woman you say you want to marry. I'm willing to still be with him after and during all of this BS but how do I deal when this women is basically CRAZY? They both are to blame but in the end I need to watch my back and try to be all around healthy for my kids not stressed out because he can't control her. What to I do about the relationship with her?? Because I'm looking to make this situation smooth and drama free.( Hell even thou its there)
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female
reader, janye123 +, writes (25 July 2009):
leave him and never call him or answer his calls again more then likely he still had contact with the ex the entire time and was telling her u were just a friend if she even new about u trust me i was the "ex" and i got pregnant and he claimed the other girl was just a friend and begged me to come back n i did like an idoit now 9 months later i am due next month he left me for another girl i am depressed as can be n i was with him on and off 8 yrs get out while u can i wish i didnt take him back the first time
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female
reader, Rebecca09 +, writes (6 February 2009):
Hi i was with my Ex for almost 9 long years i found out he had cheated 3 times over this period and still took him because i felt he was sorry and would change Well last year i found out he had cheated again not with one girl but with 2 and they both gave birth to his children not only did he have the nerve to put me though all the hurt ache again he was actually having full blown affairs with both off them at the same time as well as being with me he addmitted to the whole story in the end and said the girls knew about me from the begiginning WAT KIND OFF WOMAN ARE THEY i wonder!!! but anyway they still continued to sleep together unprotrected he says hes sorry and now goes church and says the reason why he did it was because he was never 100% about me what a idiot we lived together and hade a child and he wernt 100% about me what a waste off all those years. he still says he will never give up on me because now he realizers he loves me and cant live without me but for me i new i hade to move on this guy really isnt gonna change from the start it is very painful for me am still going through it he was my first love but everyday i feel stronger love should never b unkind tell urself that theres so much more to life than being somones doormat and for him to have unprotected sex that exposed u to all the stds u can think off not to mention aids. and even if u take him back u will never no wat happens when he visits his child they could still b together for all u no it just wont work iv tried it its just painful the babymother will call and u will hurt!!! move on find ur true happiness because this just isnt it. keep smiling keep ur chin up :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): Unfortunatly im in the same situation. I am 22yrs old, and currently moved away for medical school. My boyfriend of 2yrs cheated on me. We are so involved both with each others family and each other. I come back to see him every 4 mths and while i was gone for the first 4mths he cheated. I never ever expected him to do so, because he was so anti having opposite sex friends. He claimed he was drunk and the thing is he did it while i was there for the 2 weeks visiting him. He says we will work, and technically we have to because family is so involved. I dont know what to do, and now that gurl may be pregnant. She will find out tomorrow. The only thing is im suck in medical school and i cant be around. I constantly think if he is with her or not. I dont know what to do...and if the option is end it. Do i tell the family?
-Shar
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2007): my boyfriend have been together for 2 years and the beginning it seemed like just a bootie call but who new that we would start hanging out. So with this said we started dating and then there were rocky times that later turned in to love and then it was that off and on again stuff i tried to move on and do me because he made it clear that he was through and i as well but we got back together and moved in with each other. and then a couple months ago i found out that a girl is tryin to take to court for a paternity test. i feel that maybe i shouldn't feel upset that we were off and on but i did tell him before we moved on togther the thing s that i did before we moved in together get it all out being that it looking like it's about to get real and he said no nothing and now this and then to add fuel to the fire it was a girl that i knew and we all kicked at one time and he never told me and i had to find out this way yes i love him but im that stage like enough is enough because he already has 4 kids yes 4 kids and i have gotten ajusted to them and the stupid baby's momma's and now this what do i do i love him and i try and try to fight what i know i shoul do but at the same time i want to be there for him because what i do i help the ones that hurt me and i can give that up that is in my family every woman stands by there man and im the baby and really want to brake that cycle but can't help me please so i can have peace and sleep i havae kids of y own 2 girls and i don't want them to ever have to go through this what should i do please help... thank you for hearing me
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2007): i dont really know what to say other than i now exactly how you feel im going threw the same thing there babys due in may and i thought no 1 else in the world could ever be in the same situation im not with him at the moment but i was thinking the other day do i hurt more without him or do i hurt more with him knowing the babys coming if were together we can face it together.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2006): Some people deserve second chances sweetheart,nobody said love was gonna be easy.people dont deserve to get hurt but thats life maybe this tyme he would think bout what he did if u decide to get back with him well i hope i changed your mine just a lil n gave u some thought.If it makes u feel better here's my story on how my girl cheated n i forgave....my girl cheated n she is pregnant but we dont know from who me or the other guy.I didn't leave her because i love her enough yo accept the wrong she did but i will never forget what happen and what she did.Being the person that i am i accepted the responsibility that is coming.I have a good feeling that the baby is mine but even if it's not it's still mine cause the suposed to be man that got us in this position ran out,but to make a long story short my girl is happy that i accepted and did not leave her and i know she fels guilty about what she did and she cries to herself often.Like i told her it's done and over with and we have to move on n raise MY SON/GIRL that is coming.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2006): WELL SEEMS AS IF I'M IN THE SAME SITUATION. EXCEPT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MY HUSBAND. HE CHEATED WHEN WE WERE DATING AND LIED ABOUT IT THE WHOLE TIME. WE GOT MARRIED AND HAD OUR OWN CHILD. A YEAR LATER I FIND OUT THAT HE IS POSSIBLY HER BABY'S DADDY. THEREFORE I FIND OUT HE CHEATED AND MIGHT HAVE A BABY ALL AT THE SAME TIME. WHAT TO DO? IT DEPENDS ON THE SITUATION. I KNOW MY HUSBAND LOVES ME, AND INDEED I HAVE A FEELING YOUR BOYFRIEND LOVES YOU. BUT AT THE SAME TIME THEY JUST DONT RESPECT US. ANYONE WHO DOES WOULD AT LEAST DO US THE FAVOR OF USING PROTECTION WHILE BEING UNFAITHFUL. SO I LEFT MY HUSBAND, (WE'RE SEPERATED NOW)I'M GETTING CHILD SUPPORT, SPOUSAL SUPPORT, AND I'M SAD ABOUT IT OF COURSE AND ALSO CRY A LOT. BUT IF HE LIED TO ME ABOUT SOMETHING WHEN WE WERE DATING IMAGINE WHAT HE'S HIDING IN OUR MARRIAGE. SO I SAY IF THERE'S NO RESPECT THERE'S NO LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP. LEAVE HIM WHERE HE IS- ALONE.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2006): hello i was in the same situation and to be honest with you i dont know how to deal with it either, i was pregnant myself to add coal to the fire. now she got pregnant and now he has two kids and one he really doesnt want!!! and he always says i love you and im sorry. he says he wants to be with me too but does he really? i left him and i am praying to God to send me a faith ful husband and a father for my child. if he really loved you he would have not ever cheated on you!! sweety thats not love if he did that!! men are selfish and they have every excuse you can think of. so good luck to you and God bless you okay!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2005): Well i just spilt with my boy 4 cheatin but the only way 2 deal with it is just find anew man that is what i did i'm still kinda burnin but gotta do what u gotta do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2005): Read the book,"He's Just Not That Into You."
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female
reader, emmasen +, writes (13 December 2005):
Hi,
You've only been with your boyfriend for four months, and he's cheated on you once (that you know of) already?? That's not a very good start - the beginning of a relationship is supposed to be the best part, when your finding out about each other and having fun - not getting other girls pregnant!
I know it's going to be hard - you haven't mentioned how old you are but I'm guessing you're quite young? In this case even more reason to get rid of him. I know you might love him, and do not want to end it but ending it now will be the best for both of you...
When I was seventeen, I went out with a bloke a few years older than me-it lasted about eight months but within five months he had cheated on me with a girl I knew. I found out and he apologised; I stupidly allowed him back and I thought he was truly sorry, and it was a very bad idea. He not only continued to see me as his girlfriend, he continued sleep with the other girl and I went on to lose a lot of my self respect - thinking it was alright for a man to see two girls!?! Not at all. I feel stupid for doing it but hey, I learnt my lesson. Maybe you should learn from my mistakes instead of making them yourself??
Remember, there's now a child added to this situation - his responsibility, not yours. If you give us some more information I'll give you some more answers, good luck :)
Emma x
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female
reader, nice girl +, writes (10 December 2005):
hey i from the bronx and i am going through the same thing right now my boyfriend of three years told me he cheated on me and got a girl preganant i decied to stay him even though he lied to me about everything its going to be hard because his baby is due next month and ever since this happen she feels she can call him all the time i feel that she does not have right until the baby is born so i say think about it because i am still hurt and upset and i dont know whats going to happen to me when his child is born she has the upper hand over me so think about what you want what best for you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2005): Unfortunately, I am going through the same thing with my husband of over 6 years. I cannot have children and I have been struggling with this for over a year now. He recently told me that he had a brief affair that has resulted in a possible baby that I have always wanted from him. Don't listen to what the previous reader says. You can work on your relationship. Now, how hard it will be I don't know. You will decide that on you on. My suggestion is to put it in Gods hands. He will will protect you and take care of you. Good luck. I know I sure need it. I am a career woman, I have raised his two previous children that he had prior to our marriage and I don't know if I can give up. He is my family, he is remorseful, and I know that he loves me. I have been researching this all day. I have found nothing. I am looking for answer too, but it all boils down to leaving it up to God. God Bless you!!
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reader, dear caroline +, writes (27 August 2005):
well, there is just one thing u can and should do and that is to LEAVE THE SON OF THE BITCH, trust me, for him to cheat on you, he obviously doesnt love you, so dont waste your time on him. you dont deserve to be treated like that, nobody does, good luck, be strong.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2005): I can empathize with you on this one. I know how badly your heart is aching for your boyfriend, despite this cruel rejection. Love doesn't just go away.
However, that said, this man is having a baby. It is not yours. This man also cheated on you. You have to look at it objectively, as if you were responding to your own problem with your own advice. Obviously, since your feelings are involved, you want things to work out with your ex. But feelings can change; you, no doubt, have felt strongly for other men in the past, but you got over them. You can get over this guy too. It's not worth it to deal with the consequences of his mistakes, and it's not right to let him come out with a win/win situation after cheating on a great girl and getting his ex pregnant.
My advice for now would be to wait it out. If you really love him, you will still love him in 9 months. Wait and see what happens with the baby, what his custody situation is, if they give it up for adoption, or if he gets back together with his ex. If, in a few months, he is still saying the same things--consider a relationship then. If not, you'll know you made the right decision.
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reader, smartoldman +, writes (23 August 2005):
how do you deal with it? by saying "bye"!
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reader, pops +, writes (20 August 2005):
Kick the bum out of your life. Tell him he nows has a responsiblity to be concerned about and for the next 18 years or more( with college). You don't need this guy, no matter what your heart is telling you. You will get over him, and survive. Give some one else a chance to make you happy, today.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2005): For him to cheat on you-'only' after 4 months of dating, tells me he is a selfish, unreliable partner. As tough as it is-keep away from him. He's not to be trusted, ever. This a real wake up call for you and my heart goes out to you as it's painful. While you may not think so, your pain will force you to grow. Pain is our greatest teacher. Physical pain alerts you to a problem in your body that needs attention. Emotional pain does the same thing. It tells you that there is a lesson that you need to learn so you can grow stronger. It usually forces you to look inside and ultimately to stretch, grow, and gain more knowledge and understanding about yourself your decisions in life and your relationships.
I do have to wonder if after 4 months..do you really do 'love' him? (really think about this) Maybe intense infatuation but mature, honest, deep, faithful love takes much longer than 4 months to get established and well rooted. Sometimes in those beginning stages, the sex is great, your having fun and it's possible you are mistaking " intense lust for love". Really learn about the differences.
Good it happened now rather than later, after you got back together & possibly got married? Would he remain committed and true through the ups and downs of a long-term relationship. Relationships are incredibly hard work! It takes 2 very honest, devoted people to make it work.
In your case, the consequence of him cheating has caused a pregnancy. And the reality of that is: if she keeps this baby, he is going to become father and he will be responsible to his child and forever be connected to the mother, for that child's lifetime. Now, you may tell yourself you can "live with that" and although that's commendable of you...the fact still remains-he cheated after 'only' 4 months of dating you. If you had told me you and he were together 4 years, my advice would have been far different.
Leave, grieve and get on with your life. You've taken the first step and left him. Don't go back, hun. Go find a more worthwhile, trustwothy man..you deserve, dear. Many guys would not do this so soon in a relationship. If he did this now..what would he do to you- 4 years down the road? He's shown his true colors and I'm glad you have found this out now, rather than later. Best wishes, dear
Hugs,
Irish
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female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (20 August 2005):
 You don't deal with it honey. Betrayal cannot be undone. While you were there being an exemplar girlfriend...he had sex with someone else and not just any sex but unprotected sex that led to a baby...you don't deal with it. Do not compromise with this...there will always be now a baby's mama who is going to assert herself in your relationship if you get back together with him. And believe me.you will never forget this..any time he will go over to see the kid...you will be wondering what he is doing if he did it again. Do not put yourself through that torture it will be worse that what you are feeling right now. Okay everyone makes mistakes..true but it just so happens that this mistake is permanent so to speak. YOu are young...and beautiful...I am sure..cut your losses now...heal and move on. In the long run you will see the sense in doing it. A baby creates a bond and because of that ....you will always be uncertain of him and you. Like I said...don't deal with it..or him...move on and find someone who respects you and will be honest with you...take care ana
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reader, wwww.datinghaven.com +, writes (20 August 2005):
Even though one shouldnt cheat on another, 2 months is too early to be a mistake IMO, longterm it wouldnt work (unless you wouldnt midn him cheating on you).
Get out, stop crying you have made the best choice, he isnt good enough for you and it would be best if he became a father to the baby: the baby isnt a toy!! Needs both parents.
Let you in a little secret: if he said sorry 1-10 times he would mean it, but over 30 times the word has no meaning to it, move on and look on the bright side, dont look back on making a mistake, even if you stay single for a long while go out and enjoy yourself, this relationship wouldnt work longterm so is pointless, even if he did stay faithful (unlikely) you would still have doubts which means you wouldnt trust him (dont blame you) and relationships are built on trust..so it wouldnt work!
Dont need to mention it, of course you are younger then him, thats the reason why he cheated, hes probably cheated on more, HE IS USING YOU AS A BASE GIRL!
A Base girl is a girl who is a proper girl i.e. looks, personality, can cook (not sexist way i mean has many life skills), wld make a gd parent 2 a child, is luvin etc. n wldnt cheat on ya ... those guys dont like to be cheated on so they get a base girl (alot of them have flaws so to speak i.e. no matter wot if u apologise enough they will forgive you - love is stronger then hate - and many base girls arent paranoid or wont jump to conclusions if the guy got back late); and while they are not with the base girl and go clubbin etc. go pullin ne other girl mayb dose girls r easy n mite hav gd looks but dey only a shag n hav no potential 2 b a gf or more.
These 'slut-ish' type girls go looking for sex and the guys have no respect for them (hence using no protection) because they are filth, forget the chatup lines, buyin many drinks then sleep with them idea, most these you can go up and ask them and they would accept.
The sad angry thing at the end of the day is..the poor child! Stereotypically (im soz 2 use dem) this girl is probably on benefits with no job, drugs n drink could also be a possibility, generally bad parents but just the way she is with drugs and drink n the way she sleeps with loads of guys dont mean she wld b a bad parent BUT how would she financially support a child?
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