| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I need some help. Basically, my ex boyfriend cheated on me and ended up dumping me in order to be with the girl he cheated with. Now he didn't do this in a 'mean' way, he just seem very confused. He was still trying to make our relationship work and being nice to me, but meanwhile he was talking to this other woman. I knew he was talking to her, but I didn't know he was seeing her or had feelings for her. I think he was confused between us, and didn't know what he wanted. I don't think he meant to hurt me, but he really did. He dumped me and continued seeing her. They are in a serious relationship now. It hurt to see him happy with the woman he hurt me with, so I shut him out and deleted him off everything, and avoid the places he hangs out at. He's only contacted me once since we broke up, and it didn't end well. My question is, why do I feel guilty? Why do I feel like it's my fault that he did the things he did? That I didn't have what it took to make him stay and be happy? When we talked after our break up, he made me feel guilty and said he didn't do any of this on purpose.
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female
reader, wrathykins  +, writes (21 March 2016):
 STOP making excuses for him. He cheated on you, and left you to be with her and that wasn't in a 'mean' way?!
He sounds like an absolute cretin and you'd be wise to keep him deleted off everything and move on. It's hard, but have some self respect and understand you should not be treated this way. He CHEATED on you and then left you to be with her! You do NOT deserve that!
You deserve so much better.
So please, do NOT contact him, move on and enjoy your life!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 March 2016):
 Why do women who were raped feel guilty?
Was it my short dress? Was it because I wore make-up? Or had 4 drinks instead of 3?
I know it's not a totally fair comparison but maybe you get the "gist" of what I'm trying to say.
THE cheating wasn't about you. You didn't "make" him cheat. It wasn't because you weren't good enough, pretty enough, sexy enough....
HE cheated because HE CHOSE to. He cheated because he thought he wouldn't be found out or simply because HE didn't CARE enough about you and the relationship. MANY people who cheat DO NO consider that there are consequences for their actions. Neither did your BF. He cheated because HE wanted to and he could. NOTHING you did or didn't do would have stopped him.
OF course he is playing the "I didn't mean for it to happen" OR "It just happened!" BOTH which are UTTER bull crap. He didn't walk down the road with his penis out and stumbled over something ending up with his penis in some girl's vagina.
So accept that YOU dated a cheater and then STOP beating yourself up. It's not like cheaters walk around wit ha tattoo on their forehead "will cheat on you!" - there is no way you could have known he would do this and let me repeat... YOU DID NOT make him cheat. You can't control what others do, say, think or feel.
Go back to NO CONTACT.
He might have learned his lesson, he might not. He may or may NOT be faithful in his new relationship - but WHO CARES!!?
So take this as a lesson. You can ONLY control your own actions, you can ONLY control how you react to other people's actions. And in the future, if a guy cheats on you, don't give him a second chance.
Sometimes relationships are hit and miss... HE was a miss.
Time to LET GO and MOVE ON!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 March 2016):
 1. "...why do I feel guilty?",...
2. " Why do I feel like it's my fault that he did the things he did?"....
3. "That I didn't have what it took to make him stay and be happy? When we talked after our break up, he made me feel guilty ..."
4. "...and said he didn't do any of this on purpose."
Do you see the pattern? YOU are ALLOWING him to "make you feel guilty".... and you desperately want him to love you... and he AIN'T GONNA DO SO!!!!!
Wake up!!!... watch out for yourself... and DUMP this unfaithful twit.....
Good luck..
P.S. I love "..."and said he didn't do any of this on purpose." I always picture a guy just cleaning his penis and it sought out and penetrated in to some random woman!!!!
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