A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts and uncles.. i posted a question some times ago about my dilemma regarding my fiance was gambling and want me to help him with the problem by asking me to lend him money.From all the opinion and advices given from you, i choose to reject his wishes and i told him that he need to own his mistake and man up. I told him to confess to his parent about him gambling away some of their money. He used their money without them knowing and trying to conceal it with lending money from friend and me. Hes stealing and betrayed his own family. And he need to take responsible for it whatever the consequences.Honestly, i feel so dissapointed with him. I cant believe he did that and he lose my trust. Before he also ever betrayed me and lose my trust. I have trust issue because of him.I know deep down he is caring and love his family and me. He wants to make us happy but he is stuck with his current condition being jobless. However i dont think thats make an excuses to make that major mistake.Tomorrow he is going to confess to his parent about what hed done and im afraid it will affect our relationhsip. We planned to marry soon and his parent is being pushy about our wedding plan. His parent want we get marry as soon as possible this year. But he said maybe he will be kick out from the house if they know what he did.Im planning to suggest his family taking him to psycologist for a counseling about his behavior. From what i searched online lately, he shows some sign of narcisstic and manipuative snythom and it can be cured from the therapy. It says that what makes someone having that attitude is because his past childhood he is not being cared and loved enough which is quite right. His parent arent good at caring and show their loves to him. From the therapy session the doctor can reshape his mind and way of thinking. At least thats the last thing i can think of to help him better himself. He is not so regretful and stressful about his mistakes and promised to be better person after this and never again going back to the same mistake again.What should i expect now? Im so stressful because of this lately and what should i do if hes being kick out of the house and what about our relationship? At least i feel some relief finally he is going to confess and not getting money from anyone so that he can own up his mistake and its the fairest thing to do to his parent. They need to know what "the really him" and take action for the best of them.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2016): Thank you for the responses. I know its hard to change some bad attitute as hes so stubborn all the time. He ignored and rejected critism and advices. But i think this time he will quite recepting to have some changes by himself as he said and i believe what i read that stress can change someone personality. I think he really need the counseling.
His parent wont make him goes to jail as we are asian and its a shame and im sure they wont do that. He is also the only son to inherit their asset and business. His sisters are married. The worse thing that would happen is he is being kick out from house for days and they want him back but they wont trust him with their financial and wont believe him anymore. Trust is so fragile and i can understand and its normal to not trust him again for some period until they forgive and let go his mistake. Ive been lied and betrayed by him before and it hurts and i dont trust him but as time passes i could forgive and let go and he is kind of people who doesnt fall in the same hole. He doesnt replay the same mistake twice after lesson learnt. I wish he will be more responsible in whatever he did in the future.
Im quite sure why his parent want us to get maary soon are because:
1. Im confident enough that his parent loves me. Especially hid dad.
2. They wish to get retired soon and have grandchildren from us. They love big family and kids.
3. They wont toss away him as we will live in the same house with them after marry and they only got me living in their house and will everyday being together.
4. We are in long term relationship. They know that my fiance is more open and honest to tell me everything about him compare to them as sometimes they ask me things about him that they dont know.
Sometimes i think that he is so childish and stupid that he cant choose what is right or forbiden to do. What consequences after and who will affected. That make people who loves him sad,angry,disappointed and distrust him.
I dont know what im expected as he is right now confessing all he did to his parent in his house. He doesnt give me any update about his current situation. Yesterday he said he will confess next morning which is now..
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 March 2016):
 I think that narcissism could not be cured either. However I searched the internet and they did say there was a cure, but therapy sessions can cost more than 100 an hour. I don't know who would fund that kind of money, when there's no guarantee that people can be cured. Maybe his parents want you to get married because he's one less person to worry about. He's one hot potato that people can't wait to toss away. If you marry him, then you carry the burden around you. If I were you I would start detaching so that even if he goes to jail you would move on and not feel the suffering that's not your problem anymore.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 March 2016):
 Honey, first of all... there IS no cure for narcissistic and manipulative behavior. But he can get help with his gambling. IF he wants to fix that.
I think you made the right choice here. You asked him to take responsibility for his actions. That means if they DO kick him out.. HE has to take responsibility for that TOO. It's not just ONE or TWO actions he should be responsible for but ALL his actions.
And TRY not to worry about something that might not come to pass (them kicking him out) and also DO NOT let them hurry you into marriage. Quite the opposite. Maybe take it a bit slower and wait a while longer till HE can get his STUFF together.
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