A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:im living with my boyfriend for 11 years now,and feel that he dont love me anymore,we never go out together or talk properly to each other,this could last for weeks and then when we make up,it lasts about a day,and then its back to square 1,its like he dont care about anything anymore,we have been through a lot together and have 2 kids.i dont want to lose him ,but he never tells me how he really feels,yet when we do go out,he spends more time talking to everyone else instead of me,we always sit in silence,when i tell him we need to spend time on our own,or ask him out to the pub,he always says no,yet gives out when he dont go out on his own,i dont know what else to do,coz i love him,but i dont know if it is going to last between us,if he cant put much effort into our relationship,i no he finds it hard to open up,coz thats the way his father treated his mother,by abusing her throughout their marraige,i dont want a silent relationship,but everytime i try to tell him how i feel,im being accused of starting an argument.am i really wasting my time with him. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, lonelyatthetrailer  +, writes (14 November 2009):
I am getting through a similar situation. Maybe not that serious now like yours but similar. I feel very confused because he says he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. When I read your story I felt like in a few years, or who knows maybe months I will be exactly where you are right now. I think that we start losing respect for the other person in a relationship and then you find yourself so attached to the person that you don't know what to do. I have 2 kids and they ask me all the time "Mommy why do you let him treat you like that?" I have no response for them. I don't know why. I feel so attached to him but at the same time I know there are a lot of things wrong in our "relationship" and they get worse every weekend when he goes out drinking. We, Women love from our hearts, deeply. We get attached, we LOVE, we compromise ourselves to them, we make true commitments with them, we live for them, we do anything for them...the problem?: THEY KNOW THIS and they take advantage of it (although I have to clarify that not all of them are like that but the majority of them) We need to be strong, we need to take the bull by its horns...but man!!! that is so hard to do sometimes. Do you know how many times I have felt like leaving him? Do you know how many times I have felt like stepping in front of him very seriously and give him an ultimatum? But when I really think about it, I end up regretting and I don't do anything. We are weak. Although I have to mention that tonight he TRIED to put his hands on me and I looked at him deeply in his eyes, pointed my finger at his face and yelled at him: "YOU DON'T PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME. DON'T YOU EVER, EVER TRY TO PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME. YOU RESPECT ME" and boy!!! he backed up and he got surprised. He knew I was serious about it. But anyway, I am a believer that once you take that step you never go back. Because I did once with my ex-husband. I got tired of him and one day I said bye. After 12 years of marriage I said bye and it was done. He cried, he begged, he was on his knees begging me and I said NO. I have been without him for a few years now and I don't regret at all. Now with this one I am starting to feel like saying bye too. I see it coming I am not just ready yet. But girl, if your man does not do some changes soon you will be saying bye too pretty soon and you won't go back, believe me. Just talk to him in a letter since you can't communicate verbally with him and tell him there all what you feel and give him an ultimatum. He needs to make you feel better or you would have to make some changes in your life. Just like I know I will soon. :) Good luck!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (5 November 2009):
He may be like his own father, in the sense that when he deprives you of love and attention, he is in his own way abusing you. When you open up, he simply accuses you of an argument, when you go out, he's interested in everyone else, he doesn't put much effort in and you both sit mostly in silence. My heart goes out to you, because my own mother is in a relationship like this, and has been for 25 years. And I'll tell you, she's really unhappy about it. Don't think he'll change, and don't sit around waiting for him to open up, because he won't. I would suggest that you really think about this relationship, because you don't wat to reach 50 with him and wonder where your whole life has gone with him, when there is another guy out there who can make you feel adored. All the best.
...............................
|
