A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm bi-sexual and have been with my boyfriend for seven months. I've had past relationships both physical and emotional with other women and I desperately want to have another physical one night stand with a woman.Now, my boyfriend is the kind of guy to really enjoy something like this but I'm kind of scared that he's going to want to join. That's NOT part of the deal; I told him it would be free, live porn for him and that is it. He would NOT get to play along.I've already got the girl picked out and my boyfriend's 21st birthday is on Thursday so it would be a really nice birthday present for him. But what should I do if he does decide to join considering he'll be likely wasted and I'm so in the moment that I don't notice until it's too late?Thanks for any possible advice.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Drat001  +, writes (1 February 2011):
I don't know why people think that having sex with a person of the same sex isn't "technically cheating." If you have an affair, yes that's what it is, even if he condones it, and you're concerned that he'll want to join it, then maybe it's time you re-evaluate whether you are ready for any kind of committed relationship with someone of either sex.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): You can't bring another person into your sexual shenanigans, and not allow your other half to explore that.
It's selfish. Beyond measure.
What you SHOULD be doing if you really want this is to make it a legit threesome, all about him. His birthday after all is not about you, your desires or your pleasure.
It is a day for HIM.
If this is to happen it must be ALL about his pleasure first and yours afterwards.
Or at least later on he gets to bring in another woman and screw around while you watch and are not allowed to join in.
Flynn 24
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2011): I agree with Chigirl.You sound a bit like a control freak.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2011): That's like balancing a steak on a dog's nose and telling him he can't eat it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2011): Is it for him or for yourself? Are you afraid of him and your bed partner getting it on? Insist they both stay on each side of you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 January 2011):
 You're being selfish. It'll be the perfect birthday present for him? Or for you? Sounds like it's way more for you, in fact all for you, and nothing for him. Sure, if he's into live porn. Im not saying this is bad. Im all up for threesomes and voyeurism and any sorts of play. However this sounds pretty selfish.
If you and your boyfriend do not have a clear understanding about what this is about (precisely this being about YOU and not him), and he actually wants it to be about him as well, then you've got a problem. In that case you should respect your boyfriend enough to not feel the desire to sleep with someone else. If you're not able to commit to one person then don't, plain and easy.
You guys are not ready to include someone else into your sex-play. With this much insecurity, lack of trust, and selfishness it's all around a bad idea. Do threesomes or add other people to please your partner, not to please yourself alone.
Talk to him about this some more. Figure out if you actually want to be with him, and respect him enough to accept it if he tells you he doesn't want you to have a one night stand. Then if you do decide to go ahead with it don't do it on his birthday. His birthday should be about him, not you. And at least make sure you are both somewhat sober when you go through with it.
PS. Im a bisexual too and being faithful to one person is fully possible, just like with heterosexual couples. This "need" or "craving" you talk about is not because of your bisexuality, but because you're just like that... unable, or not ready, to commit to one person. Don't confuse that with your sexuality. This is the exact same as any heterosexual woman saying she "craves" to have a one night stand with another man besides her boyfriend, and asks the boyfriend to just stand by and watch.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2011): so you get to cheat but don't want him to Wow. I don't understand do you think its not cheating if its same sex? On his birthday no less. Let him join or keep your fantasies in your own head.
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