A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy not too long ago whom I thought was really nice and cool. He was very sweet at first, and came on very strong (falling for me hard within a couple of weeks). He eventually changed, and started putting down my apartment (it wasn't the cleanest, but I only invited him over because he didn't have a place of his own). I realize that he is not a good guy for me as he has been just beyond mean at times with some of the things he has said to me. I don't know where his anger comes from, but, friends and family are not fond of him and feel I am better by myself and that if he contacts me I should just ignore him.I have been making some good improvements in my living space, and, part of me wants to show him a pic of the improvements. My friends are supportive of my improvements, and they accept me--clean or messy house combined. I know that I should just forget about someone that was so negative towards me, but, part of me wants to show the guy that I have improved, and I am not the horrible person he makes me out to be.Would you send this person a pic of the improvements? Or would you just forget about the guy altogether? I realize that if I do send him the pics, there is a big possibility that he will go off on me (he usually just gets really angry for no reason) and say something mean. Those that love me think he is too unstable to communicate with. I agree with them.I guess I just feel like he put me down sooo badly and I kind of want to let him see that the way he thought about me wasn't true. I do NOT want to be in a relationship with him. I just have had a pattern of dating some men who have made me feel like I was not a good catch or less than, so, I do have some insecurity issues. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, KittenPaws  +, writes (11 May 2011):
That's so silly that he got angry because you hadn't had time to tidy up!
Couple of great fridge magnets with funny slogans for you;
'My other house is tidier' and 'You can touch the dust, but please don't write in it'.
He sounds so boring! Don't for one minute even think about sending him any 'I followed your pedantic advise' pics. When you get time to hoover, only do so for your own benefit- not for his.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2011): Good for you, OP.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 May 2011):
 Dude no! He sounds like a moron! STOP trying to change to please some guy. If you want to make changes, make them. FOR yourself.
He sounds, jsut eww. YOU DO NOT need his approval. Delete him, block him and ignore him. REALIZE and ACCEPT that you deserve someone who can treat you with respect, not disdain.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2011): Thank you, everyone. Your advice is very good and has made me think that it might look worse to let him know I have improved.
I agree that I have to deal with why I settle for guys that treat me so badly. And why I care what they think of me.
I will just work on myself and being happy and hopefully I will naturally attract a good guy.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (11 May 2011):
 please don't do it. he will probably think you want to get back with him if you send him a pic of your improved home and then he might get enjoyment out of not ignoring you. he sounds like an arse who isn't worth your time, i mean why should he put your place down when he hasn't even got one of his own!?
you know that your home is now nice, be happy, forget what he thinks of you and your home, it doesn't matter anymore
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): Forget him. You will never impress someone so full of themselves that they would insult your home when he has no home of his own!!! He's a loser!
Think of it as a learning experience: who NOT to choose in the future.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): You don't need to prove anything to him. He's in the past and should remain there. You shouldn't even have his contact details. Delete!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): It is very clear that he only cares about himself/his opinion. There is no point. Try and move on with your new good habits in tow!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): Very bad idea, kind of makes it seem like you're desperate and needy OP and you so badly want to impress him that you cleaned up your apartment for him and now want to show him a picture, even though he treats you like crap.
The guy is a douche yet you so badly want to impress him? That's a problem OP. The people that matter, the people that care say it looks great, yet his opinion, the opinion of an asshole seems to be what you pin your hopes on. Not good OP.
You're going to get a very negative reaction from him, because that's obsessive behaviour OP, he's going to think you're a fruitcake. He walks all over you and you so badly want to prove him wrong? He'll probably just laugh his ass off that you still think about him so much. Instead of making yourself look like less of a horrible person you'll only make yourself look like an obsessive psycho instead.
OP please don't take this the wrong way, I'm not calling you any of those, think for one second, that is what it would seem like isn't it? You don't want anything to do with him, yet you send him some random picture of something he said once about your apartment being a mess? Wouldn't look that good would it?
OP your insecurity sounds crippling, I think part of that is you put far too much on men's shoulders, you live and die on what they say and if they say even the most minor of things you immediately assume you're a horrible person for it. Even guys who treat you like crap, guys who's opinions matter the least you care about what they think of you, that's bad OP. Work on yourself before you date another guy, you do seem obsessively needy to me, you seem like unless you deal with these insecurities and learn to be a happy, independent and confident woman, you're just keep up this pattern of guys who you think, don't think you're good enough. You're just going to keep dating losers like this guy because you don't feel worthy enough of being treated nicely.
Sort it out OP, listen to your friends and family their opinions are the ones that matter most. Please find a way of gaining some self worth. Or you'll always get into relationships at a serious disadvantage, you give guys far too much power over you OP. Even nice guys will abuse that power. Even nice guys need to wipe their feet, and doormats are designed for that.
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