A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im not able to communicate with my boyfriend. We have been together for 2 years now. Yes, hes always had this issue so its not like I didnt know about it however, now that we are in the middle of a serious relationship, it bothers me.Example: I walked in the room tonight and he quickly backed out of whatever he was doing on his phone. I asked him if everything is ok with us to try and begin talking about what I was feeling. He responded by asking me why I would ask that. I told him that the fact that he backed out of his phone when I walked in the room seemed sneaky. He instantly began telling me that Im childish, tossed the phone at me, and told me to go ahead and check it out myself. He also said that if he wants to go f*ck someone else he'll make sure to tell me. I appreciate his honesty however, I dont feel that he should respond with all of this. It makes the situation worse.Anytime that I have a question that shows a tad of insecurity (which we all have) he blows up at me, calls me names, and turns the issue to me and how Im the childish one. Keep in mind that Im not raising my voice.Im not sure what to do. Any advice will be helpful. Thanks! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, SillyB +, writes (14 July 2010):
 Why be in a relationship where someone is not connecting with you, not sweet and kind to you? Is this how you want your life to be? His behaviour is HORRIBLE towards you. Walk away hun, this not a healthy relationship at all. I'd be scared to marry this guy or have kids with him. What a poor example.I had a bf like this for 8 years. I finally walked away two years ago, within 2 weeks found my current boyfriend. He doesn't yell, he doesn't shout, he sits through discussions and wants to talk about things. I have been very insecure, but his reaction has always been to run to me, hug me and tell me sweet things while cuddling me, to make me feel better. I felt insecure about his phone/emails so now I have access to them (I know crazy a bit, but its helped me build trust to the point that I do not need to check up on him). There are better men out there hun. Walk away, you don't know who is just around the corner! hug.
A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (14 July 2010):
 He's extremely insecure, and there's really nothing you can do to change that. People like him will always try to avoid blame, and instead project their insecurities onto whoever tries to shed some light on something they've done wrong. No matter how crazy it may sound to everyone else, they'll blame YOU for the things they've done.
The bottom line is this: people like him think they're always right and can do no wrong. Anything that threatens this belief will be met with hostility, because it threatens the security they find in thinking so.
This behaviour is incredibly childish, and usually the people that display it aren't emotionally mature enough to come to terms with the fact that they can and will be wrong sometimes.
I think you need to find a new boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): He's being abusive, not taking responsibility for his behavior, he is physically violent, throwing the phone at you is a form of intimidation, next it may be a shove, then a punch with his fist....He's been like this from the beginning because that is his character, he is not able to grow or change because he has low character.
You need to break up with him, you can't fix this. After two years that should be glaringly obvious.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): First of all, maybe he hung up the phone quickly because you walked into the room and he was giving you attention. If he was hiding something from you on his phone, he wouldn't have asked you to check it, risking you finding something. Furthermore, walking into the room and immediately starting to demand if everything is OK would put anyone into defense mode. It sounds like you have a lot of insecurities, and you yourself need to address those. If you keep demanding to know if he's cheating, it'll come off to him like you're punishing him FOR cheating, and he might decide he should make his punishment worth the crime, if you know what I mean.Now, that doesn't give him the right to yell and call you names. That's very immature and cruel of him. Perhaps he gets so angry with you because you ask him questions that show you're insecure, and it makes him mad because he doesn't understand why you're that way. Still, he shouldn't yell, because reacting negatively only escalates the situation.The best thing for you to do is TRUST him (and I know how hard that can be. Much easier said than done sometimes). If he's willing to let you look through his phone, maybe he's not hiding something from you.A good question to ask yourself is why you're so insecure about the possibility of him cheating. Is it because you see yourself as able to cheat on him in the relationship? Or is it something else. Think about it for a while. In the meantime, though, take a deep breath before you get worked up and worried. Clear your head and process what's happening before jumping to conclusions. You can do it!
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